Because I’m a crafty fuck and cannot be trusted (Prince of Chaos and all that), I regularly switch phone devices. Can’t play for any team too long and let them think I’m comfortable or on their side — then I wouldn’t be such a wildcard.

I started with some irrelevant, palm-sized LG phone back in my teens, then (unfortunately) went through a Blackberry Bold 9700 phase (those were dark days, man. Dark days.), which thankfully ended when I upgraded to an iPhone 4s and then, as of August 2013, finally an Android. I now enjoy my current phone, a Samsung Galaxy S4.

However, as freeing and customizable it is, not to mention a much larger screen, I’m thinking I may turn back the clock and ‘downgrade’ (if it can even really be considered that) and snag myself the iPhone 5s, or perhaps even the as-of-yet unrevealed-but-heavily-hinted iPhone 6.

And iOS 8 is a big component in that.

Sure, Android’s OS Jellybean already has most if not all of these features, and for quite some time. But I think the sleek, pristine presentation of the iOS 8 is what’s drawing me in. I’m a sucker for pretty packaging. And candy. And mass-murder. But that’s besides the point.

iOS 8 is a step in the right direction, building upon the success that was iOS 7, a massive overhaul in terms of appearance for Apple’s mobile operating system. And for the better! iOS 8 seeks to improve upon such beauty by presenting us with the following new options:

1. Photos (x):

   All photos are now automatically stored on in your iCloud photo library, allowing you to keep your pictures but not clog up the precious space in your phone. This includes the original photos and edits you make.

   1. Good for: Selfies. Duh.
   2. Bad for: That one selfie that didn’t come out right. Aka all of them.

2. Messages (x):

    You can now add voice snippets to your conversation, videos of what you’re seeing in real life as it happens, and the location you happen to be at.

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   1. Good for: Showing your friends that person you mutually hate falling and failing in life.
   2. Bad for: Leaving your location on as you walk away from a murder you just committed, recorded, and sent a laughing confession about to your friends.

3. Designs (x)

   : Shortcuts to the people you chat the most with, new notification settings, and general beautiosity (yes, that’s a word. Look it up.)

   1. Good for: A sleek, refined look that helps you save time and tears.
   2. Bad for: Reminding you of all the people you used to be best friends with until you mutually ignored each other’s existence out of the blue one day.

4. Keyboard (x):

    Typing suggestions from this smarter-than-ever keyboard recognizes the difference in your tone between Messages and Mail, and depending on the context, gives you accurate predictions for your next word. You can also swipe words instead of typing each letter, and can download third-party app keyboards.

   1. Good for: Swiper, no swiping! I lied, swipe away, I wants this.
   2. Bad for: Now you can no longer claim your creepy accidental sext is auto-correct. Sucks for you, thank God for the rest of us.

5. Family Sharing (x):

    Share your purchases and stuff with up to six family members, and enjoy content they purchase, whether it be books, movies, or apps. Photos, calendars, locations and more are also easier than ever to share.

   1. Good for: Sharing your family’s stuff. Sharing is caring!
   2. Bad for: Sharing your stuff. Sharing is not caring.

6. iCloud Drive (x):

    Any file, anywhere. It’s all stored on your iCloud, so you can work on it from home or school or work or your iPhone or PC or Mac. Or something.

   1. Good for: You don’t ever have to worry about forgetting a document on your computer and not being able to work on it.
   2. Bad for: Now you have no excuse to forget anything/can’t justify your unproductivity. Ouch, Apple. You did us slackers dirty. Crey.

7. Health (x):

    No one cares about health. Moving on. (Just kidding. I’m contractually obligated to do this, lest the higher ups at PopWrapped make an attempt on my life.) Monitor your health, heart activity, fitness stuff and more.

   1. Good for: Being…*gag*…healthy, or whatever.
   2. Bad for: People will probably start thinking it’s like a doctor and skip actual visits to actual doctors. No doubt, that’s what Apple’s going for; another small step towards complete and total world domination.

8. Continuity (x):

    iPhone, iPad, and iMac connected together like never before. Okay, maybe like before, but better now, okay?

   1. Good for: See #6.
   2. Bad for: See #6.

9. Spotlight (x):

    Looking for a contact or app or the number to dial your buddy Satan? Spotlight can help you out, by searching not only your phone, but also Wikipedia, places nearby, and trending news.

   1. Good for: Easily locating Satan’s number without going through contacts. And trendy stuff!
   2. Bad for: I’m honestly stumped on this one.

10. SDK (x):

     I’m not a developer. I don’t know.

    1. Good for: Developers?
    2. Bad for: the Lay(wo)man?

I’m definitely interested in jumping ship like the traitor I am right back to the iPhone ship, not purely because I want this awesome case. I am not that shallow. Maybe. Perhaps.

What say you, Poppies?

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