Armie Hammer Ditching The Tracksuits 

All good things must come to an end, or so the old adage goes. And so it is with a very heavy heart that I announce the following: Armie Hammer is officially retiring his tracksuits.

At this precise moment I can practically see the dividing line between my readership, creating two separate “What, No, It Can’t Be!” and “What The *Bleep* Are You Talking About, Kara?” camps.

Instagram aficionados will already know this, but, to refresh: Armie Hammer became the undisputed tracksuit king–a thing you probably never knew you needed–during the press tour for his Oscar nominated film Call Me By Your Name, because he, well, wore tracksuits. Lots of them. More tracksuits than should be wielded by the mere mortal, fankly.

It quickly became a bit of dopey but weirdly endearing social media fluff: another day, another suit. You’d be amazed at how many colors and patterns those things come in.

On anybody else, the track suit would easily be considered a fashion faux pas. But can we really blame Armie for his obsession? They’re comfortable, easy to throw together, and let’s be honest–he looks pretty damn good in them.

Just like popcorn shirts, trucker hats, and slap bracelets, however, this fashion trend couldn’t last forever, and Hammer officially announced his tracksuit retirement on Conan Tuesday night.

Here’s his official statement:

I would like to take this moment on the show to officially announce my retirement from tracksuits. I am done. I got oversaturated and burned out on tracksuits.

Hammer told Conan that he was, in fact, drowning in tracksuits. Seventy of them, to be exact. Picture that for a second. Seventy tracksuits. Imagine having a different tracksuit for every day of the week–I mean really see them in your mind’s eye. Conjuring up that mental visual should be a challenge in itself. Then! Imagine ten times that. No man should have that many.

Yes, Armie’s tracksuits will be missed, but because I care about his sanity more than his fashion choices, I will brush away the tears and instead fondly revisit some of the greats. 

The Best Of Armie Hammer's Tracksuits