First of all, Pixels is not the worst Adam Sandler movie you could see. I realize this is kind of like saying that it’s not the worst hospital food you could be served, but it’s true. Despite raging film critics screaming and swearing about how awful this is, believe me, he’s spawned much worse dreck. Having A-list director Chris Columbus (Harry Potter, The Help) instead of Sandler-mainstay Dennis Dugan raises the level of quality to that of a second tier Don Knotts movie with some mild cussing. Perfect for nine year-olds and adults who like to talk back to the screen, of which tonight, I was in the company of many. Think of an audience of adults that would be using the opening of this film as a date night. They were there chatting right along with the adventure as it unfolded with giddy delight and seat-kicking.

Yes, a Don Knotts movie if it were packed with homophobic humor, anti-intellectualism, huge special effects and the exploitation of Little People. In fact, one would typically have to attend a dwarf toss to witness the degree circus mugging we’re served from Game of Thrones star Peter Dinklage. (Who I still say is only a good actor if you grade on a curve.) The difference between this and the average Knotts’ film is that Don was obviously working. Hard. Not so of Mr Sandler.

Not since Burt Reynolds in the 70’s has a movie star been as successfully lazy as Adam Sandler, who appears as though he gets up, smokes a bowl, avoids showering or shaving, arrives on the set and has the script and camera shots explained to him just minutes before shooting. Then he “feels” it. He probably doesn’t remember the night he got high and collaborated on the script. These aren’t really movies he makes but cinematic circle-jerks with his friends over summer vacation. It’s like a very, very expensive sitcom for children.

If you’ve seen the preview then you know the plot. Earth fights 80’s video game characters from space until they’re defeated while Josh Gad screams like a girl –a lot. That’s pretty much it.

As with every movie Sandler makes, we get a long, icky scene where he disarms a woman who is way too hot for him with his boyish, cheeky, charm until she has to have him. This was cute when Adam was in his twenties and thirties but now just feels like celebrity privilege in dating. Same with Kevin James, who always has a gorgeous wife and a perfect hairpiece and appears as the President of the United States in this skit. I have to admit that Kevin is my favorite BILF in the movies today. (B for bear, of course.)

I have to reiterate that children will love this film. Love it. For adults who read or watch cable, it may seem like the typical Adam Sandler “joint”; a weird concoction of simultaneous sweetness and contempt.

(Loudinni specializes in reviews to be read in under a minute.)