Another chapter of the Kermit/Piggy breakup has begun. Miss Piggy finally sat down and wrote an article for People as to why she and Kermit broke up. This is her explanation.
“In the past year or so, I realized that while Kermit and I were great together, we might be better off apart. Oh sure, we cared deeply about each other, but we also wanted different things from life.
I wanted to be trending on all social media platforms. He wanted to “blend in with so many other ordinary things.” I wanted to go out and soak in the A-list nightlife. He wanted to stay home and soak in a tub of tepid swamp water. I wanted to live like a star. He wanted to live like a frog. I wanted Hollywood. He wanted vines.
Despite these differences, we stayed together. After all, the public adores us together – and who are we to deny an adoring public?
Then, one day, I reached a tipping point.
I remember that day like it was just this past June…which it was.
In June, moi received the coveted Sackler Center First Award from the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art at the Brooklyn Museum. This award, honoring extraordinary women who are first in their fields, has been given to such fellow famous people as Toni Morrison, Sandra Day O’Connor and Julie Taymor. As I was wrapping up my memorable acceptance speech, a silly little thought popped into my head, “Remember to get your parking validated.”
That was it! Validation! I’m a strong woman and I need validation! No strong woman – regardless of species – should go through life in a co-dependent relationship with a hard-headed man—amphibian or otherwise.
Sure, Kermit and I had a great time together. But now, it’s time for moi.”
So, how is Piggy today?
“At last, I am my own pig, a proud Porcine-American who calls the shots on her own show – and shares all the drama, comedy, ups and downs, sturm und drang and all that jazz, of being a successful, powerful, extraordinarily talented woman in Hollywood – who just happens to work with her amphibious ex-boyfriend [on The Muppets].
Of course, as any newly single lady knows, there is a lot more to life than work. Which is why I am taking this opportunity to officially announce that I am dating … a lot!
In addition to going out with A-list actors, directors and producers (I draw the line at writers), I will also be dating non-famous people – extremely good-looking non-famous people – as well as men who are not in my league but who desperately want to go out with me.
If they’re rich, I’ll see them too – but only for a photo-op. (For details about whether you qualify, see my agent.)”
Do you think she had reason to leave Kermit? What will he have to say about these statements? Do you think they’ll get back together? Do you think this reason is even…valid? Sound off in the comments!
Author
