I am not ready for this! The mid-season finale of The Walking Dead is upon us, and I know that I’m just not emotionally prepared for the debauchery that awaits. After reading an article with Norman Reedus in which he said that, after the last scene wrapped, he spent an hour sobbing uncontrollably; I know that we’re in for a bumpy ride. So strap in, Deadheads; I have a feeling this episode is going to leave a mark.

Okay, Officer Bob is running after he knocked Sasha out in the warehouse. He’s working on the binding around his hands when a group of hungry walkers is upon him. Rick is running through the alley with a serious purpose so it’s clear he knows that dude got away. He uses the cop car megaphone to warn Bob to stop; a warning Officer Bob chooses not to heed, which results in Rick ramming him from behind and sending him flying through the air. He is begging Rick to take him back and Rick tells him that after what he has pulled, and Bob tells Rick that he’s been out here too long and that they’re all going to die when Rick decides to just silence him once and for all with a bullet between the eyes.

As an aside; Rick does seem especially insane lately. Like, people being more dangerous than the actual zombies has always been a theme on this show; but I feel as though Rick has rather turned into one of those big bads they’ve been running from the whole time. He’s teetering on Governor level; and that’s a dangerous place to be.

Now we’ve got Father Gabe hanging out outside of a school or church or something that is teeming with walkers. He finds a bible and what I assume are the leftovers over Bob’s lower leg teeming with maggots. Lots of devourers of human flesh writhing about tonight.

The walkers break through the very thin glass of the door and are now after the Padre in the woods. So basically, he’s about to lead them straight back to the church and Carl and Michonne and the helpless fucking baby. Fantastic. So now he’s going to doom another group of people. This dude is bad news, always has been. Michonne and Carl are trying to open the door to let him in and all I can think is, “let him die.”

Is that terrible? Have I been watching this show too long, just as Rick has lived this fictitious, dystopian life too long? Anyway, like I said, they’re now overrun with walkers. Michonne is trying to save everyone while Judith rides along in a pouch on her back. They escape out of Gabe’s crawlspace and lock the walkers in the church, surrendering it once and for all to the dead. And so in the end, it wasn’t sanctuary either; because sanctuary no longer exists.

We’re back at the warehouse with Rick, Daryl, Sasha, Tyreese and their detainees. Rick is telling Daryl that they need a new plan, but Daryl isn’t so sure. They go back to talk to the remaining cops and the woman says that they want to help them get Carol and Beth back. They vow to tell Dawn that Officer Bob was bitten by “rotters” (walkers) and that they’re going to do what they have to.

We flash back to the church where the walkers are trying to bust through the doors when Abe, Rosita, Tara, Glenn, Maggie and Eugene come crashing through in the firetruck. They block the door with the rig and Michonne tells Maggie that Beth is alive and that they’re all in Atlanta trying to save her.

Then we quickly flash to the hospital and the only thing learned from this scene is that there’s a new douche-bag cop to hate. Lovely.

Beth is chilling in an open elevator shaft, like it’s a window or some shit. Dawn comes in and asks her if she’s going to jump. She tells Dawn that she just wanted to be alone. Beth tells her that thinking that she’s ever going to get out of this shithole is delusional,  because this is it. Dawn is who she is and this place is what it is, and that’s that. Dawn starts talking about how she protected her several times and lists the laundry list of times that she has saved Beth’s ass. A cop heard everything that Dawn confessed to and threatens to rat her out to the rest of the group. He tells her that she’s Hanson (Dawn’s mentor that she killed) all over again and that it’s time for a change in regime.

She pulls her gun out on him and tells him that she won’t let them bully her. She tells him that he’s no longer the man she knew as a rookie, now he’s a man that beats up old men and laughs when an innocent girl gets raped. Now they’re fighting and her gun is gone and Beth tries to help which results in her getting punched to the floor. However, it did give Dawn the opening she needed to give him a throat punch that Gracie Lou Freebush would be proud of. Beth gives him a little nudge and down he goes into the shaft of death into the grips of the pit-zombies. That’s two cop-shaped knotches on her kill belt, now.

Beth is sitting on the floor of Carol’s bedroom when Dawn walks in. She offers Beth a drink from the fun flask, which Beth denies. They’re monologuing and I’m really just annoyed.

Twenty minutes left and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. I honestly could not fucking care less about Dawn’s backstory or anything about how she and Beth are becoming little besties. Carol is lying unconscious in a fucking bed and the rest of the group is nowhere to be fucking found. The only tears that will need to be dried with the tissues I didn’t buy are the rage tears that are really just my hate-fire spilling out.

Tyreese and Sasha are monologuing now on top of a roof. They’re talking about their childhood and my rage-fire is turning into hot, burning magma ready to explode out of me. WHO FUCKING CARES?!

They’re putting the plan in motion; Rick is standing in the middle of a parking lot where a cop car is pulling up. The cops come out guns blazing, but Rick starts cop-talking them and you can tell that he’s gotten their attention. He lies his weapon on the ground at the request of the officer and does a little dance. Things are tense, I won’t lie.

But when they ask what his proposal is, he tells them that he wants to exchange the two cops he has for Carol and Beth. The best scene of the show tonight is when the cops ask  Rick where his people are. As if on queue (I assume she was on queue), Sasha deftly takes down a walker behind the officers and Rick says simply…”They’re close.” Yeah. That’s been the best scene of the entire episode. Is that sad or what?

Rick and company are walking their prisoners through the hall and Beth is dressing in actual clothes. Have they agreed to the arrangement already? Beth slips some surgical scissors in her cast, I assume we’ll find out the why of that soon.

Rick and crew walk through double doors into a hallway where Dawn and her backup are waiting. Each group holsters their weapons. Dawn asks where Officer Bob is and they all tell the same tale about him being eaten.

Dawn tells Rick, “One of yours for one of mine,” and the big bald dude is exchanged for Carol; followed closely by the woman cop and Beth. And something is about to happen, everyone knows it. I bet the rotters story was some sort of cover up. Oh wait; no Dawn says “Now I just need Noah,” and Rick tells her that that was not part of the deal. The rest of the cops tell Dawn to cool it and she promptly shushes them.

Daryl and Rick are ready to go to battle over Noah but he insists that they let him  go. Dawn tells Noah that she knew he would be back and Beth says, “I get it now,” and stabs Dawn in the chest with the surgical scissors. Dawn’s gun “accidentally” goes off and shoots Beth straight through the motherfucking head. THE FUCKING HEAD. Daryl kills Dawn who is claiming that she didn’t mean it. But he will not be stopped and so a bullet through the brain it is.

Everyone is crying and they’re ready to battle, but the woman cop tells everyone else to hold their fire, it’s over. It was only about Dawn. There’s a cease fire. Okay. Well that’s…different.

Maggie and Glenn and the rest of them show up just in time to miss all the action but with enough time to take out some walkers. They see the rest of the group emerging from the hospital and Maggie sees Beth’s lifeless body in Daryl’s arms. She loses it, and Lauren Cohan’s uncanny ability to just break your heart makes my eyes tear up for the first time this episode…and then it ends. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Annnnnd that’s it until next February. Just, fuck off Robert Kirkman. Oh, but wait! Now here’s a little scene with Morgan trouncing through the words like the ninja that he is. So I guess he’s tracking them? Awesome. Guess we won’t know until February!

I do apologize for the heavy-handed cussery tonight; but fuck. I. AM. PISSED.

Yeah, I liked Beth, she was sweet and grew some balls toward the end. But I’ve never been invested in her like I am the others. Her death was tragic, absolutely. But to warrant a mid-season finale ending scene? Nah.

In case you missed it, we won’t be back until February. Kirkman is on The Talking Dead right now and I am tempted to call until I get through and demand he explain himself. So if you hear the crazed girl from Ohio on there, I apologize in advance.

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