Michael Shambo

Staff Writer

Once again Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting the award show with the globes that are golden, ensuring that NBC will get at least a few more viewers who appreciate good comedy. As always, the nominees for most of the larger categories are ridiculous (I’m looking at you Liev Schreiber for Ray Donovan) but hopefully at least a few deserving nominees will come away with the award. And if they don’t? Well I’ll just rant about it here.

The monologue begins with a greeting of “good evening to all the women and gay men watching at home.” I’ll try to hit on some of the best jokes. “Tam Hunks” is here as Amy apparently knew she was going to mess up on that difficult name to remember and pronounce. Tina speaking to Matt Damon: “Matt on every other night, in any other room, you would be a big deal, but tonight you’re just a garbage person.” ‘Explosion at the Wig Factory’ was the original title for American Hustle. Amy Poehler asks the cameras to get a shot of Amy Poehler and they cut to Jennifer Lawrence who has a good laugh about it. Tina describes Gravity as: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then spend one more moment with a woman his own age.” Poehler should make impersonating Scarlett Johansson her job as she tries to convince Tina that she was the voice of the computer in Her. Tom Hanks is still wearing his prosthetic genitals he got from Saving Mr. Banks.

Photo courtesy of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association

Sandra Bullock and Tam Hunks present the first award of the evening for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture. In what comes as little surprise, Jennifer Lawrence comes away with the award for American Hustle and immediately thanks director David O. Russell for making her career what it is. As always she comes across as sweet and humble and yadda, yadda, yadda we all love her.

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis present the second award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television and Jacqueline Bisset wins for Dancing on the Edge. She appears to be genuinely shocked, possibly drunk, as she accepts the award. The music does its best to play her off but she isn’t having it. After a bit of swearing she finally gets around to thanking her friends and family. Unfortunately she probably just cost Tina and Amy a couple of jokes to fit the time constraint but wow that was something to watch.

Photo courtesy of the BBC

Next up in the “no surprise whatsoever category” is Behind the Candelabra winning for Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Yay? Getting another of the mini-series awards out of the way, Elizabeth Moss wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television for Top of the Lake. I haven’t seen TOL yet but I’m just going to go ahead and view this as a win for Peggy.

Fey and Poehler are back out and thanking the Associated Press for putting the whole event together, along with a bunch of ridiculously hard to pronounce names from the Foreign Press. Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie are out to introduce The Wolf of Wall Street but they’re accidentally given the wrong teleprompter lines, Margot adorably doesn’t want to improvise so someone is nice enough to bring out a paper with the right words on it.

Aaron Eckhart and Paula Patton (wearing a comforter?) are out to give the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama. The award appropriately goes to Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad. Heisenberg getting his damn recognition! Get back on up there Cranston, Breaking Bad wins for Best Television Drama and all remains right in the world. Actually, I can’t complain about any of the award selections so far.

Philomena is a real person? Did not know that. Kate Beckinsale, P-Diddy and Usher are out to present Best Original Score for a Motion Picture with the winner being Alex Ebert and his hair for All is Lost. Haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m happy for Roger’s son. Best Original Song for a Motion Picture goes to “Ordinary Love” from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom. Great, all Bono needs is something else to pump up his ego…

Amber Heard and the interchangeable Chicago Fire hunks enter to present Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Jon Voight unfortunately comes away with the award for Ray Donovan. Not a fan of Voight and very much not a fan of Donovan but hey they can’t get all the awards right…oh wait they can? Well, that’s a bummer. Robert Downey Jr. arrives to join the fun and he announces that no matter what name he calls from this envelope, he’ll leave tonight as a winner. Amy Adams very deservingly wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy for American Hustle. Such a fantastic movie and role, glad Amy got her due and that her daughter was able to teach her basic human emotions.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick the Entertainer are the next presenters. Does Kevin Bacon have to do a six degrees joke every time he’s out in public now? Their daughter Sophie Bacon joins them and Tina Fey has brought her adult son Randy along too. Randy, played by Poehler, hilariously asks if Idris Elba is his real Dad. Robin Wright wins Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama for House of Cards. She calls the Foreign Press a gaggle of characters and references Merrit Wever’s great speech before heading off stage.

Jim Carrey comes out and gives Shia LaBeouf a jab by making a plagiarism joke. After a clip of American Hustle Christoph Waltz is out to present the Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture and it goes to Jared Leto for his very transformative role in Dallas Buyers Club. If it’s body changing that is swaying the voters this year then that bodes well for Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey.

Emma Thompson, who can probably do no wrong, comes out holding her heels and martini to present the award for Best Screenplay. Spike Jonze wins for Her; I want to see this movie so very bad. Julie Bowen and Seth Myers are out to present the award for Best Actor in a Comedy Series with the award going to Andy Samberg. I’m genuinely shocked but really happy Brooklyn Nine-Nine is getting some recognition. Hopefully this will all but assuredly lock the show into getting picked up for a second season.

Right out of commercial we get the winner for Best Foreign Language Film and The Great Beauty wins. The director pretty much does part two of the bit where Tina and Poehler start listing off a bunch of insanely difficult names to pronounce. Poehler and Fey come back out to point out that Julia Louis-Dreyfus has returned to the television section, now eating a hot dog. Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon are the next presenters, unfortunately a sandbag fell on Melissa’s head and she now thinks she’s Matt Damon. Michael Douglas wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series for Television or Something Like That for Behind the Candelabra. Congrats Douglas, but we don’t need the “cool guy pointing out his other cool guy buddies” thing in your acceptance speech. You’re not a middle-schooler who just won class treasurer.

The award for Best Animated Feature Film and Frozen takes home the glory. Emilia Clarke and Chris O’Donnell are presenting the award for Best Actress in a Comedy and finally, FINALLY!, Amy Poehler wins for Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation. So long overdue, so happy for her. Hopefully the Emmy’s learn something from this and recognize her performance this year as well.

Photo courtesy of NBC

Emma Stone, who will be in Woody Allen’s next film, comes out to introduce the clips from Woody Allen’s 74 movies. Diane Keaton appropriately takes the stage to accept the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award for Allen. She gives a great Allen quote about how art can only truly measured by how impactful it is in the moment. Verging on the edge of creepy territory she sings a song about how she and Allen are friends forever, but she clearly had good intentions and did well by Allen.

Ben Affleck, last year’s winner for Best Director, is out to present the award to Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity. It’s tough to argue this one as the directing had to be spot on for such an image-driven film. Gravity wasn’t the best movie of the year but Cuaron deserves the win for putting the spectacle together. Also, thanks to Sandra Bullock for not quitting the film after he threatened to give her herpes.

“Michael Bay described our next presenters as… oh, um, sorry, can’t do this.” -Tina Fey. Chris Evans and Uma Thurman are next out of the gate, Best Comedy Series goes to Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Wow did anyone see this coming? If this doesn’t guarantee a second season I don’t know what will.

Two-time Golden Globe winner Jennifer Lawrence gets to present the award for Best Actor in a Comedy and it goes to Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street. He pokes fun at the fact that he, and other very serious actors, are nominated in the “comedy” category because let’s face it, the Globes do it just so they can get more people to come to their little party. In related news, Leo still doesn’t have that Oscar.

Chris Hemsworth and some old racing dude (Niki Lauda) take the stage to present a clip from Rush. Following them, Drew Barrymore comes out in her finest Easter dress to present the award for Best “Comedy” or Musical Motion Picture. The Golden Globe goes to American Hustle. I said this earlier when Adams won for Best Supporting Actress but this movie was easily my favorite of the year and it was certainly worthy of the win.

Photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures

With 16 minutes remaining before 11:00, it’s looking like we’re going to go over time. DiCaprio returns to the stage to give Cate Blanchett the award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama for her role in Blue Jasmine. Cate thought the Magic Castle was weird compared to this, good thing she didn’t let Tobias Fünke take her there. Jessica Chastain gets to give out the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Drama Series and McConaughey is going home a winner. Those Foreign Press guys love their weight-loss AIDS movies. Always fun to hear McConaughey do a Matthew McConaughey impersonation. And apparently he does a Borat “my wife” impression too.

The final award for the night is of course Best Motion Picture – Drama. Johnny Depp gets the honors to deliver the coveted award that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll win Best Picture at the Academy Awards but is usually a pretty good indicator. In a tone that suggests he’d rather be watching a documentary about how paper plates are made, Depp announces the winner is 12 Years a Slave, which would also be my choice and prediction for the Oscars. It’s got everything you’d expect out of a “best picture” and it was brilliant to watch so no complaints here.

Photo courtesy of Fox Searchlight Pictures

All-in-all I thought it was a much better than average Golden Globes. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler crushed it in the monologue and probably the biggest qualm I can gather is that there wasn’t more of them throughout the show. As far as the awards themselves go there were certainly a few that weren’t perfect but hey, at least Liev didn’t win for playing Ray. They finished on time and with the end of the show comes the end of my recap, thanks for reading it everyone!

Recapping all the winners, check out the list below:

MOVIES

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama:

Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama:

Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical:

Amy Adams, American Hustle

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical:

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Supporting Actress, Motion Picture:

Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

Best Supporting Actor, Motion Picture:

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Best Director, Motion Picture:

Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy:

American Hustle

Best Motion Picture, Drama:

12 Years a Slave

Best Original Score, Motion Picture:

Alex Ebert, All Is Lost

Best Original Song, Motion Picture:

U2, “Ordinary Love,” Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture:

Spike Jonze, Her

Best Animated Feature Film:

Frozen

TELEVISION:

Best Actress, TV Series, Comedy or Musical:

Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical:

Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama:

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama:

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Best TV Series, Drama:

Breaking Bad

Best TV Series, Comedy:

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Best TV Mini-Series or Movie:

Behind the Candelabra

Best Actress, TV Movie or Miniseries:

Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake

Best Actor, TV Miniseries or Movie:

Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra

Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries, Motion Picture Made for Television:

Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Miniseries, Motion Picture Made for Television:

Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge

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