Media Courtesy of the BBC
Hello old friend.
It's time to say goodbye, again.
There are two very important Doctors in a Whovian's life. The first one is your first Doctor. The first Doctor that you had ever saw because he was the one that allowed you to fall in love with the show. He was your first exposure. The second Doctor is your Doctor. The Doctor that you, as a fan, most identify with or even the one you just love the most. You know when you have your Doctor. It can be your first Doctor. It can be a future Doctor or one in the past.
Still a fan of Doctor Who
knows their Doctor.
My Doctor was the Eleventh Doctor played by Matt Smith.
It's hard to pinpoint when I knew that Eleven was my Doctor. But I fell in love with this Doctor who was so vibrant, young, and energized but also parts old, grandfatherly, and dark. All I knew is that the day that it was confirmed that Matt was leaving the role, I cried a little bit. I am not ashamed to say that.
He was a brilliant Doctor. Eleven was funny, energetic, and delightful.
One of my favorite moments was on "Dinosaurs On A Spaceship" when he name-dropped the title. The look of pure, unadulterated delight on his face still makes me smile.
Gif courtesy of Tumblr
I suppose what draws me to Eleven the most is his inner dichotomy. He is a silly, adorkable man who acts like a child and has an unusual train of though. On the other hand, he can be a cold, cruel, and powerful Time Lord who can bring even the baddest of the bad to their knees. He knows his power. He knows what he can be capable of. And he can be truly chilling.
Still despite the inherent dichotomy of the Eleventh Doctor: the old and the young, silly and stern, cold and warm. He is, at his heart, a daft old man with a big blue box who doesn't like to see children cry.
The following quote boils down the Eleventh Doctor.
Photo courtesy of HellYesDoctorWhoQuotes Tumblr
The Eleventh Doctor is a lonely man. He is the last of his kind. While he tries to hide it under smiles and laughs, it's clear that the loneliness of being the last of his kind and the loneliness that occurs when he loses companions has become a part of him. In "The Snowmen," he stops traveling because he has lost his joy. Rather the Doctor becomes a grumpy old man who has lost his zest for life in losing Amy, Rory, and River.
But that isn't who he is. The Eleventh Doctor is a man, who despite its pains and trials and hurt, that loves life and loves people. He expresses it through this childish glee and wonder. He moves around, energetic because he wants to see more. He is so very old and that is why he needs to act young and silly. The Doctor has destroyed. He believed that he killed his own people. He became bigger than anything else. He needs to be child like because otherwise he could never live with the weight of his own destruction.
Photo courtesy of Tumblr
That's what draws me to Eleven. He shows it so clearly but also hides it even more.
My Doctor is a well worn book from childhood but he is read with the eyes of an adult. Someone who wants to capture the innocent wonder, fun, and uncomplicatedness of being a kid with adventures around every corner and everything is new. In the end, the hero is always good and right and triumphant. But the person also knows life. How harsh, cruel, and unfair it can be and how it the world grows complicated. The best the hero can hope for is that "maybe" they're right or statistically weighing the outcomes leads to the best one.
That's why I love the Eleventh Doctor. That's why he is my Doctor. To get personal, I'm at that point in my life as more. Part of me wants to hold onto to the wonder of childhood but also knows the realities of the world. It's not a bad thing. It's a little sad and leaves me wiser but part of my just wants to run barefoot through the grass for the fun of it and imagine another world.
He's like a beloved grandfather, granted one who looks super young. He knows how the world works but wants others around him to still have that bit of sparkle.
So it's sad to see him go.
But...it was great while it lasted.
So thank you, Doctor. Thank you, Matt Smith.
For what's it worth, you are and always will be my Doctor, my favorite story.
After all, we're all stories in the end. My favorite just happens to include a daft old man with a magic blue box...
Which is, if you ask anyone, the best story ever.