Accidental boners have been the bane of men's existence for eons. Every man has experienced the phenomenon, and there is usually no way to control when the beastly boner awakes. You could be at Church, on a first date, or *GASP* sitting next to your grandma at a lovely family dinner, and there is no way to stop the boner from rising. Men have struggled to find a way to shield innocent eyes from their pant protrusion; however, no technique has proven to be failsafe. Luckily for men, modern technology has the answer to your dick dilemma. Something big is this way coming, and that something is a new underwear line called Bloxers.
Bloxers are made using a "hypoallergenic stretch fabric" known as a deflector shield. The deflector shield is sewn along the inseam of the Bloxers and is attached to the back, creating a sling to contain your junk and to allow you "to grow but at a controlled pace." In laymen's terms, the deflector shield covers your unruly boner and keeps it tight to your body in an effort to keep things from getting awkward when you're at full mast.
A standard pair of Bloxers comes with a deflector shield that has been sewn in place for either a "Righty" or a "Lefty." This will provide men with a permanent shield behind which they will be capable of hiding their most dangerous weapon. What if your accidental boner isn't reliable enough for a standard pair of Bloxers? What if sometimes that unruly boner flies to the left, but on other occasions it waves to the right? Even worse, what if that beastly boner wants to poke straight out?
Well kind sir with the uncontrollable boner, you are what Bloxers would refer to as a "switch hitter," and they have something to help you control that untamable beast. For those "switch hitters" who are willing to pay a little extra for their Bloxers, they will be able to purchase a pair that allows you to detach and reattach the deflector shield on whichever side will be most beneficial. Bloxers have truly thought of everything.
Before you all stampede to your local Walmart or onto Amazon to pick up your Bloxers at the best price available (it is Prime Day after all), it is important to realize that the product is not yet available in stores. In fact, Bloxers is currently up for funding on Indiegogo, where they are attempting to raise a goal of $20,000 to move forward with their commendable goal of controlling accidental boners. Donating to the cause will place you on a waiting list to receive a pair of the amazing underwear in the near future.
Since the company is designed to help men, Bloxers are taking things one step further to showcase their true commitment to the cause. The company believes that a truly happy man is a healthy man, and they are prepared to donate 25% of all proceeds raised on their project to research to prostate cancer.
Just remember: "When life makes it hard, Bloxers make it easy." Classic pun.