Many thanks to Bradleigh Ann-Walker for covering Gotham for me last week. The one time I’m unable and shit hits the roof in the show. Typical. What is my life?

But this week it’s back to basics, and by that I mean I am basic as hell. 10 on the pH scale, doesn’t get more basic than me. Unless you’re a 14. Then that’s just sad and you have my pity, condolences and contempt.

I am sorely disappointed in a lack of banshee Bruce. Now it means I have to be a decent human being and talk about the actual show. Ugh.

Anyhoos, this episode starts off with Gordon walking into Barbara’s place with Selina behind him, looking for her. He notices the note she left last episode that details how she’s went away for the time being to get her head together. Gordon wants Selina to describe the Wayne killer for a sketch artist, but she wants to know where she’s going to stay since Gordon said it’s not going to be in juvie, at the police station, or Barbara’s place. He reveals she’s going to stay at Wayne Manor.

Guards are moving a criminal who they are instructed not to interact with at all, because he could jimmy-rig a bomb out of anything, including matches. When they look away for a single second, guess what he regurgitates into his hands. Yeah.

Gordon talks to Bruce and reveals Selina saw his parents’ murders and that she is the best chance of catching the criminal, so he agrees to let her stay for as long as it takes.

Selina’s playing with a vase and Bruce walks up saying it’s from the Chinese Ming Dynasty, and is 500 years old. However, his voice catches when he sees her for the first time, as though he’s taken aback by her beauty. She says he can call her Cat.

Ian Hargrove (the prisoner who was being transported) is liberated from the transport truck by mobsters.

Harvey Dent is introduced in a scene where he makes a bet with a law-breaking kid to get his life together, and his trademark two-headed coin ultimately lets the boy go free, just like Harvey planned. He and Gordon greet each other warmly for their first time meeting each other, saying they hear good things about each other. They hatch a plan to leak the fact they have a witness (without filing paperwork or identifying who it is), so that those involved get worried, start talking, and slip up. Gordon agrees as long as his and Selina’s names are kept out of the rumour.

He returns to GCPD headquarters where Harvey Bullock is already working on the case with the Blackgate prisoner escape. Bullock asks if he’s having girl troubles, and Gordon says yes.

Alfred is teaching Bruce to box, with Selina watching. She rebukes him for fighting with gloves when that’s not how they fight in Gotham. Bruce is stunned into awkward silence and asks about her room instead, and she says she’s hungry. Bruce offers A3 to fix her some food, but A3 refuses saying this isn’t a hotel.

Okay, but you’re a butler, A3. Do as you’re told, even if it’s for someone you don’t like. (Though I wouldn’t take my own advice. #TeamHypocrite)

She wanders off and they keep sparring. A3 warns Bruce that Selina is trouble.

Oswald investigates an apartment, finding Liza’s photo with Falcone, Liza being the walking mommy fetish that Fish designed to manipulate Falcone. He finds a shawl and some perfume and is leaving when she’s coming up the stairs, and oh my God, you haven’t seen anything cute until you’ve seen Oswald hurriedly try to climb some stairs. It’s adorable.

Liza enters her apartment and immediately realizes something is amiss. She goes to check outside, however Oswald’s already gone by then.

Gordon and Bullock chat with Ian’s brother, who says he’s mentally sick, while there is a montage of Ian making a bomb in a picnic basket for whoever broke him out. There’s shrapnel and metal bolts in it too.

The gift basket (gift of death; he’s literally gifting them death, wow. How do you gift death? I’m impressed.) is given to guards and the entire building explodes. The cacophony of screams of agony is quite delightful. So soothing.

Bruce and Selina chat, and he tries to learn more about her and asks about her parents. She gets angry and denies she’s an orphan before storming off and crashing into A3 as she leaves. Yes. Go. Disrespect A3; I’m so proud of you.

Essen is angry at Hargrove making the papers, and it’s revealed he stole explosives 10x more powerful than C4. She tells Gordon and Bullock to get on it. A3 calls Gordon and when he voices his hesitations about housing Selina, Gordon shuts him down politely.

Fish (finally, the best character) is asked by her consigliere Butch Gilzean if she’s sure she wants to go through with it, holding up two cell phones. Oswald, cocky as ever, just strolls in. He claims he’s just trying to be friendly, and leans in to smell her in that creepy way that he and Edward Nygma have. What is with these dudes and sniffing ladies? He notes she smells like ‘lilacs’, which the audience (aka me and the rest of you peasants + Beyonce) recognizes as what Liza’s scarf smelled like. Butch says he’s creepy as he leaves, and Fish says to forget him, as he’s nothing.

Gordon reveals to Bullock Barbara left, and Edward pops up and asks if either of them play video games. He gets really excited and says he enjoys them, and then when he puts his hand on their shoulders, they ask him what he’s really for (as it was clear he was just trying to bond. Poor guy.). He gives them some evidence that points to a factory. Surprise surprise. Another factory. I swear everything goes down there. The Falcone-Maroni meetings. The murders. Investigations. Are there even any other scenes?

They find Hargrove, who is apparently only cooperating with the Russians (one of whom is Kasyanov or something) because they threatened to kill his brother/’s family if he didn’t. He left the clue about the factory in the bomb to lead them there to rescue him. Of course, there’s suddenly a shoot-out, the Russians with shotguns against Bullock and Gordon’s pistols, and it’s the most precious thing. I swear, they’re always somehow not massacred by the shotguns and instead somehow survive with just pistols.

Remember how early in the season I noted that people with guns had deadly accuracy? Yeah, not so much now.

Not a single target hits its mark. Kinda sad.

The Russians get away with Hargrove. Selina tries to escape through a window but Bruce offers her a taxi. He caught her by surprise and she notes that he moves quietly, a sentiment he returns. Oh look at that, pretext for a BatCat future ship and an allusion rolled all into one. Good work, writers. Take the rest of the day off, you’ve earned it.

He apologizes for upsetting her earlier and she asks about his mom. He asks if she saw his mom get killed that night, and what he did/didn’t do. Selina is already done with his self-blaming and asks him what he could’ve done, to which he replies, “I don’t know, something.” She smacks down his stupidity by saying he’s dreaming, and that a gun is a gun. She reveals her mom is in show business. Singing and dancing and magic. Then she claims it’s a cover and that she’s secretly a secret agent (redundant!) for the government. She’s on a secret mission, and Selina believes when she’s done, she’s coming back to get her.

And it’s clear that this is a coping mechanism, a deluded belief, that suddenly makes you feel for Selina. Wow. Damn you, writers.

She then switches tracks and asks him if he’s ever kissed a girl and if he wants to, once he replies no. A3 comes in and takes Bruce away to study.

The mayor is snapping at Essen, but Gordon blames the mayor instead, saying that the mentally-ill are housed in a prison with no facilities to tend to their needs, and it was while Hargrove was being transferred to a facility elsewhere to tend to that that he got kidnapped. Mayor snaps and says he wants Hargrove found before leaving.

Harvey Dent brought some dude down to his office and reveals he can tie him to the crime, that there’s a witness. I think the guy he’s accusing is named Dick. Or maybe he’s calling him a dick. Either way, that’s his new name.

Dick laughs at the deal he’s offered, and threatens Harvey Dent only to turn animalistic and say, “Don’t you ever threaten me! I will rip you open!”

Wow. Maybe you need to be with Hargrove in that facility.

Seconds later, he’s back to the composed, collected man who he was earlier. Dick is suitably and understandable confused and scared witless.

Bullock identifies Kasyanov, who used to work for Nikolai before he was murdered. They deduce his vault-robbing ploy is funded by someone with power, pull, and beef with Falcone, which Bullock surmises is pretty much anyone with power and pull — they all have beef with Falcone. They wonder who it is.

Seconds later, in a separate scene, Fish’s heel comes down from a car. She’s meeting with Kasyanov and his men in a secluded street. She provides him with the truck he needs and points him to where Falcone’s money is at, so that they can steal it and hit him where it hurts in revenge for their boss Nikolai being killed by Falcone.

Bruce is in a pool underwater. He seems dead, but he’s really just testing how long he can hold his breath. Selina calls him the weirdest kid she’s ever met. He says he’s training to develop discipline and willpower, but she says that’s not going to help him on the streets; he needs to be mean, ruthless.

Ed Nygma has an endearing scene that displays his knack for trivial minutia by listening along to a radio quiz show while testing the explosive. He deduces it is useful specifically to penetrate iron, which Bullock and Gordon deduce means the armory.

The armory is exploded, the money is starting to be retrieved, but Gordon and Bullock show up with police, holding guns…against the Russian mobsters with shotguns.

Do these people learn?

Before a shoot-out can happen, a phone rings and it’s revealed to be a bomb on the underside of the truck. They get away before the truck blows up, and the money with it.

Selina throws food at Bruce and says if he hits her, she’ll let him kiss her. Wow, this kid is going to grow up messed up.

Food fight happens. A3 walks in, but he sees Bruce having fun and being a child for once, so he doesn’t interrupt and instead takes the phone call. It’s Gordon, and A3 has changed his mind about Selina leaving. He says she’s a breath of fresh air.

Liza walks into her apartment where Oswald is waiting. He reveals he knows about her working for Fish and threatens to expose her to Falcone, but says she’s going to keep working for Fish and not tell anyone. I’m actually starting to dislike Oswald. His creepiness is becoming a major turn-off in liking his character.

Dent tells Gordon the news and says Lovecraft is rattled, as are the others. Gordon insists they move on this together, and Dent agrees. I don’t think he will, though. I think his craziness will get the better of him. Bullock tells Gordon that Hargrove was sent to Arkham (as in the asylum, which is now reopened). They also don’t know who made the bomb, as Hargrove denies it

Butch tells Fish it went according to plan and that all the men were killed. Fish is happy, because it hurts Falcone and eliminates loose strings.

Gordon calls Barbara, and spills his heart out for her, saying he wants and needs her to come back, that he doesn’t have anything without her. Barbara, however, is in bed with Montoya.

Plot twist.

Keep Up With PopWrapped On The Web!