Well Creampuffs, it looks like Marty McFly wasn’t the only one who took a time traveling trip this week. Carmilla Season Zero is FINALLY here! So let’s talk about what’s going on in Silas.

We open right up with “Blast from the Past” to see Laura armed with snacks galore, a grumpy Carmilla not too far behind after Laura obviously made a successful vending machine run. Carmilla probably didn’t let her ex wander the semi-sentient library because: 1. It’s sketchy, let’s be real; 2. she still cares for the well being of the tiny journalist; 3. It’s Laura Hollis, she’s bound to stumble into something suspicious; 4. She’d get lost which, surprising no one, actually happens (winner of this round goes to the library.)

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Before long, Laura is ignoring the vampire’s wishes to find their way out and is snooping through the room they are currently stuck in. Before Carmilla can even try to give a weak warning about Laura’s safety, the smaller girl trips over VHS tapes and awkwardly into the vampire’s arms. The camera zooms in at this moment; the library probably ships them, to be honest.

After a brief awkward glance, Laura’s curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to find out what’s on the tapes. Carmilla, of course, would rather not, but is stuck in old VHS movie night with her ex in a creepy library taking us BACK to Silas in 2012!

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Again, surprising no one, Carmilla has apparently been here before. We see the vampire setting up the surveillance camera before heading out of the totally creepy, probable torture room full of weapons, a hanging light bulb, and a mountain of U by Kotex period products.

Soon enough, the camera cuts to a young, scared Mel and a Hippie-esque Perry being locked in the room after some party. Perry is super different than what we’ve seen in recent seasons, going to the extent of blessing the room because the bad vibes are apparently bad for her aura.

Mel is concerned because they are expecting some “Inquisitor” to come to probably expel them. Apparently, at the party, a Zeta fell into a pool after losing his voice on top of the “Great Redwing Migration” (girls at Silas haven’t had their periods for the last three months). Perry is embracing the excess of weird and is optimistic that if they want help, it’ll find them (this isn’t Hogwarts, but okay.) Before long, the episode ends with the entrance of the Inquisitor, who is our favorite vampire in leather – Carmilla.

“A Bro’s Tale” picks up immediately with Carmilla being already over this entire situation. The Dean isn’t so happy with the Zeta’s spontaneous finding of his inner chicken, falling into a pool, and landing himself in a coma, leaving Carmilla to find out who is guilty so she can get back to whatever 2012 Carmilla did for kicks.

Perry brushes off the casual mention of finger-breaking from the vampire and tries to reason with her, pointing out that if the wrong person is expelled but the problem continues, it can’t be good for anyone. Carmilla compromises to a small investigation, with the other two doing the actual work, before pulling up a video conference with the star witness – Wilson Kirsch.

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Apparently, Bash (Coma Chicken Zeta) and Kirsch were at the swim party that Mel and Perry were at. Bash was trying, and failing, to hit on Mel, before they ran into Perry. Once they ran into Perry, some weird noises and obligatory creepy lighting happened while the Zeta talked about the disappearance of “Moon Blood” and someone getting the power of the “Eternal Cycle” before Carmilla cuts his feed off.

The vampire won’t let them get away on a creepy Silas technicality, so she has every intention to expel one of them to make her life easier. Perry is embracing the weird supernatural stuff, even getting to the point of wanting to help the supernatural being behind the Zeta incident so she can see where it lives (Save the Supernatural and Chill apparently.) Mel makes the connection between the mass amounts of period products being stored around campus, Bash’s accident, and the missing periods before the episode cuts back to a stunned Laura and “Caught-in-a-wee-lie” Carmilla.

Carmilla admits that maybe she has been in the creepy room before, which Laura takes very well. Laura’s desire for information is back in full form, causing the aspiring journalist to speculate theories that involve curses, Zetas, and Demon Chickens. Even though Laura is warned that she might not like the answers, Carmilla gives in and the episode ends with them probably continuing to watch the videos.

What a return to Carmilla! So many things made me laugh during these two episodes. This bonus season is meant to incorporate the series’ sponsorship by U by Kotex. This season will probably circulate around the incident of missing periods, VHS tapes, and Hollstein still being absolute dorks, which is everything Creampuffs could ask for after the hell of an ending that was Season 2.

Just a couple points that I liked that’ll carry me through the next week:

I will gladly take Hippie Perry over Shady Perry any day. I have no idea what happened to Perry that had her go from this ‘Supernatural Monsters are friends mentality’ to being so stuck on normalcy. It’s exciting to see this new angle of not-high-strung Perry and how this all ties in to everything.

What happened to Mel in the span of 2 years?! She went from being a scared underclassman to a strong warrior. Not exactly a bad thing, just curious to see how she got to this point.

KIRSCH IS BACK … or, you know, not currently being used as a Brotein shake. It’s nice to see the epitome of a human puppy back and being more of a dorky dudebro than ever. Hopefully, we can keep seeing our favorite Zeta as this season moves forward.

Lastly, what on Earth happened to Bash? Seriously. Why did he cluck like a chicken? Was the coma really an accident? Those things he might have been saying probably have a lot more significance than we currently realize.

The mention of all those three things just reminds me of Lophii, honestly. Singing? The fish minions did that, plus swaying. Creepy light? Lophii was an anglerfish demigod, come on. Cycle? Every twenty years, it required a sacrifice. Who knows?

We’ve got a ways to go for this bonus season. Just remember to use #SaveCarmilla & tell U by Kotex how much you love the series in text posts or pictures because season 3 HAS NOT been confirmed and, if you want answers outside this extra season, I think the show’s sponsors want to know that we still love this webseries.

Buckle up, Creampuffs, I have no idea where we’re going, but I feel like it’ll be one hilarious hell of a ride.

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