Having trouble choosing a candidate for President of the United States? Well, another hat has been thrown in the ring to complicate matters; Cthulhu, of Lovecraft literary fame, seems to believe that he should be the next leader of the free world. A statement on the candidate's official website reads:
I’m running for president because everyday Americans and their spawn need a demagogue and I want to be that demagogue. I want families to do more than just get by — I want you to get a head and consume it for nourishment.
If elected, the tentacled hopeful promises to "dominate the global economy under my leadership via complete deregulation, fair trade and investment in non-Euclidian infrastructure." Cthulhu has even laid out plans for worldwide security by using America's military with the bold proclamation that, "All countries that have anything worth taking will fall before the might of our armed humans and robot drones. In addition, I pledge to add a full 7 legions of S.H.O.G.G.O.T.H. constructs to the effort."
Cthulhu also weighed in on the passing of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia saying, "Scalia wielded his power to bring pain and suffering to the world. We respect this. His service to the country and the world in ripening it for the public rise of my cults and of myself is undeniable. Were not his sexual appetites stronger than his flesh, we are sure he would have joined us in legalizing human sacrifice." The controversial statement is sure to ruffle Republican feathers as Cthulhu continues to call out supporters of religious liberty for failing to support human sacrifice as a valid expression of religious belief.
— Cthulhu for America (@cthulhu4america) February 14, 2016
Like other candidates, Cthulhu has an extensive online store filled with items to help you show your support for the "Greatest Evil." You can buy everything from standard yard signs, coffee mugs and bumperstickers to a personalized curse. That's right, for the bargain price of $9.95, Cthulhu has promised to curse your enemies by letting them know his wrath and hounding them until the End of Days. And Cthulhu even provides printable fliers for cultists/volunteers to spread his word throughout the land.
If you think Cthulhu is your candidate, you can follow him on all of his social media; Twitter, Facebook, Google +, Pinterest and even on LinkedIn. And don't forget to cast your vote in the upcoming election!