Staff Writer
Let me begin by saying that this episode was a HUGE fucking improvement from last week! I actually didn’t want to spend this entire recap complaining about the lack of story development! It was really nice to see things actually get better, prior to previous episodes, I actually thought I might die of shock.
Zach Hamilton got a serious reality check in regards to his personality. Good thing too, because that kid was pissing me off in ways I can’t explain. Then, just when you think that past is over and done with, it turns out that what we once thought was true, turns out not to be the case.
I found myself laughing at the episode title “Are We There Yet”, mainly because all the episodes before this one made me feel like a child in the backseat annoying their parents by saying are we there yet every thirty seconds.
Sadly, the first half of the episode was once again too sleepy for my taste. Just when I started feeling bored, I get bitch slapped hard when four different killers come together. Looks like the writers successfully retrieved their balls and made shit happen.
Here’s eleven things we learned:
1.) Masuka’s Daughter Got A Real Job: Nikki takes a part time job at Miami Metro, good choice! It’s sure beats slinging buffalo wings at a topless version of Hooters! Girl is hardcore into the New Age movement and she isn’t too thrilled abut the negativity surrounding her daddy’s office. Masuka introduces her to Dex, calling him the “king of splatter”. This bitch has no idea!
2.) Zach Has Cassie’s Blood Under His Nails: You can’t see it, but I’m doing my I told you so dance, only because I called this shit last week! Dex’s voiceover sounds dissapointed when he says “What a waste, he had a great future.” No offense Dex, but I’m pretty content with the fact that the creepy teenager fucked up and got caught. Listening to Vogel once again proved to be a bad idea! Back at Dex’s house, a very traumatized Jaime is doing laundry. For fucks sake Dexter, give the bitch a day off once and awhile.
3.) Quinn Wants To Catch Zach: Quinn, If I could ever want one fucking thing from you, it would not be to catch Zach. I say this because Vogel made a hug mess with Zach and basically backed Dex into a corner. Dexter needs to kill the kid, so back off! Quinn talks about getting any of Zach’s DNA and he wants to know. It’s safe to assume that Quinn is setting Zach up. Even if I am overthinking that, it still seems likely.
4.) Deb Hates Hannah: This couldn’t be any more true at this moment. Deb is still on the I hate Hannah train and demands that Dexter give her a 1-10 scale of how close he is to killing her. Dexter is insisting that Hannah isn’t a threat, even though she broke in and poisoned them both! Deb explains that Dexter is lying to himself to protect Hannah and she needs to be locked up. I’m inclined to agree. When Deb says “She’s a murder, she needs to be locked up.” I found myself laughing because even though it’s true, it’s a tad ironic given who said it. Debra also wants to know why she drugged them and left Dexter on the side of the road as her calling card to say I need help. Deb, I feel your pain, mainly because I NEVER got a fucking answer to that damn question! Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind if Debra Morgan was recapping this show instead of me, because if you look back at last weeks recap, this is the EXACT same shit I said already! Is anyone else getting annoyed with the writers yet? It feels like they’ve grown tired of having to explain last weeks events over and over again. Guess what, I’m tired of doing that too! Deb implies that Hannah is playing Dexter, which could be possible. Perhaps she is manipulating him for some other reason we are not aware of. I think Deb is bringing this up because there is a layer to the whole leaving Dex on the side of the fucking road stunt from last week. For all I know, little miss crazy could have done some sick shit to Dex when he was knocked out and we don’t know what it was or why she did it. I MAY be giving the show a little too much credit, or maybe not enough.
5.) Dex And Hannah Have A Holiday: At the marina, we see Hannah walking in slow motion towards Dexter like she’s in a fucking shampoo ad. At the seaside diner, Hannah compares Dexter to a shellfish, a bottom feeder taking out Miami’s trash. If it were me, I would have smacked a bitch for insulting me. But, Dexter has his head so far up his ass he doesn’t even notice and she manages to get the insult past. Your one to talk Hannah, you kill every man you fuck. Which raises the question, why won’t see kill Dexter?
6.) Extreme Makeover, Zach Hamilton Edition: Dexter gives Zach a much needed adjustment in his extremely odd personality. Dex finds Zach in a plastic wrapped motel room with brand new tools laid out on the bed. Dexter ends up fixing all of Zach’s kill room mistakes as dear old ghost daddy appears and tells Dex “better than your first try.” Instead of hitting Zach with a dose of M99, he jabs a knife into his throat, demanding an explanation for Cassie’s death. Zach explains that it wasn’t him and that he is using the code to track a killer he knows. Zach has improved somewhat since the previous episode. Zach botched this kill in more ways than I can explain, not to mention dumping the body in a truck.
7.) Deb & Hannah Kiss & Make Up: They sort of made up, as much as you might be able to expect from these two. Deb tracks Hannah down at a motel, busts in and drops a pair of handcuffs on the bed telling Hannah to cuff herself. This may seem kinky, but it’s not, so get your minds out of the gutter! Hannah refuses to put on the cuffs, and tells Deb she will only leave if Deb shoots her. Now, at this point I would have put more holes in this bitch than a wiffle ball. Hannah threatens to out Dexter as a serial killer if she’s arrested. Sorry to ruin your fun Hannah, but not many people would believe you. Just as Hannah starts to explain her actions, Dexter comes bursting through the door, with Zach following right behind him. It was funny to see everyone go “Who the fuck are you?” three or four times. Later, as they are riding in Dex’s car, him in front with Hannah, Zach asks them “Are we there yet?” LOL!
8.) Dinner With Dr. Creepy Vogel: I still find this to be extremely weird, but they all gather at Vogel’s to have dinner. Hannah asks Vogel what got her into serial killers, and she explains that “it was an incident long ago that I won’t bore you with.” Has anyone else found the HINT that’s hiding in there yet? We do find out that she was married to a doctor once but he died….hmmmm. Dexter is still troubled by Cassie’s murder, since the killer placed a sharp object under the door handle of Zach’s car to get a blood sample, possibly intending to use it in order to frame him. Vogel proudly states that she “doubts it’s anything this table can’t handle.” So, they are basically the Avengers of Miami vigilantes!
9.) Deb Considers Returning To Work: After finally being unable to tolerate Dexter swooning over Hannah, so she decides to give Elway some dirt on the passionate poisoner. About fucking time Elway got to be involved in an ACTUAL plot! She pulls out her old uniform and tells Elway she’s thinking of quitting. Way to go Deb!
10.) Hannah Is Staying Put: I had a feeling she wouldn’t leave anytime soon, so I can’t get all mad and swear because I’m unhappy about this. Sexual tension mounts between the pair back at Hannah’s hotel room, then one thing clearly leads to another and they are screwing. Sadly for the guys, no naked Hannah parts. For the girls, lots and lots of Dexter ass, from every angle you could think of. Couldn’t help but notice that Dexter makes whoopie with his socks on, ROTFLMAO! Please raise your hand if you have done, and or continue to do this! Dexter asks Hannah to stay and she of course says yes.
11.) The Brain Surgeon Is Back: I knew this killer wasn’t dead, call it instinct. Zach turns up with no brain and Vogel is left with yet another brain in a box. Clearly, Yates was not our guy, so whoever is doing this is still alive. Mind you, I did predict Yates was the surgeon despite huge potholes in the story that I clearly overlooked. Anyone else going back to their first theory that it’s Dr. Vogel? I know I am!
Until next week!
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