Galavant is back, and yes, it's as delightfully amazing as it was last year. It saddens me that a show this clever doesn't get a full order of episodes, but when Galavant is around, it's almost like Christmas is extended. TV Santa Claus just dropped another bag of televisual goodies in our laps, so let's get to it!
Whoa, hold on.
Can we first admire the title of the season two opener? “A New Season aka Suck It Cancellation Bear”.
Galavant, this is why I love you with all my heart. Stay sassy, you handsome, bearded, musically gifted scoundrel.
TIMOTHY OMUNDSON, JOSHUA SASSE
Season 2, Episode 1: A New Season aka Suck It Cancellation Bear
Gal is on a vessel with the pirates he made friends with last year. While making a dashing speech about rescuing the lovely Princess Isabella, he's interrupted by a cranky and sea-sick King Richard who just wants Gal to sing him the hero's theme song. It makes the King feel better, Gal, just sing the song! Instead, the pirates break out in song celebrating season two, with the various other cast members joining in on the tune from their locations. Isabella is still stuck in the ugliest pink room imaginable in Portenzia, on par to wed her 10 year old cousin. She's tried to break out a million different ways, with her parents idly standing by. Valencia has the deliciously evil Queen Madalena governing everyone within site alongside Gareth, the King's former homie/henchman. Poor Sid (Gal's kinda-sorta rockstar squire) is stuck with the two homicidal maniacs, wondering when he'll get some proper screen time, right as he's cut off. Lyrics in this fantastic starting song include “You'll know Hell is freezing if we get decent ratings” and “It's a new season which you'll probably record”. You've got to give the writer's credit for being so goddamned cheeky. This alone is reason #387 of why this short-season show has captured me, heart and soul.
Queen Mad and Gareth hear from commoners, who have the pettiest of issues. Sid speaks up and wonders what his role is, what fate has in store for him, and most of all, how his hair looks. Let me tell you Sid, it looks divine and majestic and I want to touch it.
Isabella has to face the facts that Gal might not be coming to rescue her, with her mother telling the poor princess that, “He was a tall drink of water, and I will forever keep him in my spank bank.” She tells her parents that it's true love and there's about 100 different things about being married to her cousin, 10-year-old King Harry, that makes the situation utterly fucked up. They are crappy parents and simply don't care.
Wandering through the woods after their ship wrecks, Gal and King make the ultimate bro-team. I could watch these two snark each other to death for hours – make this happen, ABC. King realizes that they are in the enchanted forest, which of course has an evil queen residing somewhere in it's pretty, lush, green vegetation. They stumble upon a pub – titled The Enchanted Forest – further sending Gal into a “I can't believe I'm stuck with this idiot” moment. The Enchanted Forest isn't the actual forest his father's uncle's whoever got lost in, it's a bar. On behalf of that poor soul, I can relate to getting lost inside a bar and understand his plight. They stroll inside and find nothing but men standing around, sippin' on the finest ale and probably exchanging carrier pigeon names, or whatever doubled as a medieval phone number. Jean Hamm (the expertly-goatee'd John Stamos) is there hitting on some dude; now that Gal has arrived, his time as Hottie O' Ye Ole Bar is over. Out pops the queen... Kylie Minogue. In a disco-infused ditty (that I may or may not plan on singing to a half-naked man sometime in my life), she tells the boys of the bar to take Gal's shirt off. “Off with his top, let it fly. Check out that six-pack, it's to die.” Gal ultimately gets his shirt back and the entire crowd is sad to hear that he's off to save his princess (and not prince). The Queen employs him until the end of forever, or at least until his abs go soft. Ruh roh. The King wholeheartedly embraces his newfound post as bartender and Gal tries over and over again to escape. They get in a little fight and King stomps off; he's pulled aside by his long-lost uncle, who is definitely still alive. He's going to help the duo escape! King goes back to a still-angry Gal, who's sassing the crap out of him, and knocks him out with a beer bottle. Gal wakes up to find the King revealing ladies' room for the bar – which never was finished because, well... gay bar. After escaping into the woods, the gentlemen have a moment where King admits he's borderline useless and Gal tells him that he has faith in the bearded duo.
Sid is enjoying a very nice bubble bath when Gareth breaks in – he wants Sid to be his assistant. He isn't sure what Mad is up to, and the two guys need to team up. They approach Mad to figure out what their proper titles are, of not getting what they're worth. Technically, since Gareth banished the King, he's the new King. Mad gives him the title and he's chipper as hell.
Isabella and the Jester are bffs; she can't believe she's the only one who objects to the whole thing. For the Jester though, it's been a super easy gig, and one he's not about to give up. Chef Vincenzo and his girlfriend Gwynne are also happy in their new post, but are willing to help Isabella; he's going to slip the guards some roofies via pies so they can steal the keys.
The new season is absolutely here, thank goodness. And even if all the angry mobs that are against this delightful TV musical get their wish and the show is canned, at least we got a few more songs to enrich our lives with.
JOSHUA SASSE, TIMOTHY OMUNDSON
Season 2, Episode 2: World's Best Kiss
Gal and King are working their way out of the forest and across the land, with the King being the whiniest twat ever. They take a break so the King can mope that the only person who cares about him is Gareth, who definitely doesn't care about him anymore.
Isabella has the key to escape and summons the Chef before she leaves. Giving him the Amulet of Valencia, she wants him to keep track of it until she leaves, then it goes to her parents so they have something to remember her by (as awful as they are). Isabella sings a duet long-distance with Gal about their kiss, which just so happens to be the world's best kiss. It's the most unromantic love song ever and it evolves into a song about how it was actually the world's worst kiss, but totally worth it. Not the strongest song in the bunch, but still grin-inducing.
In Valencia, Sid reads off the events for the day, the last of which Queen Mad doesn't want to partake in. Gareth tells her to just blow it off and she suddenly realizes he's more of an ally than she thought.
King and Gal arrive at a town that has faire going on, with a friggin' unicorn standing there all willy-nilly. Unicorns are naturally drawn to children and virgins – the King is a tad bit embarrassed as the marvelous beast takes a liking to him. Can someone just please get the King laid already?! Gal is still sad about the crappy kiss, that apparently everyone in Valencia knew about, and the King urges them to visit a fortune teller. As expected, the fortune teller knows who they are and proceeds to show them their future via an origami fortune teller game. Pick a number! Seven. Pick a color! Blue. (And all the while I'm mentally transported back to 7th grade) The teller is interrupted by a magical phone call – via a device that can call anyone, in any realm, “no matter how far away”. Time to give Izzie a ring!
Isabella gets caught wandering around the castle by the Jester, who suddenly agrees to helping her escape; he's a pro on where to hide in the castle, as his latest employer is a pint-sized king. He leads her to the front of the castle and she prepares to leave. Somewhere else in the castle, the medallion Isabella gave Chef “rings”. They have some technical communication problems; the reception in the town is awful, go find a better receiver tower, Gal. King hijacks the 'phone' to learn from Chef that his one and only friend, Gareth, has taken his throne AND his wife. Oh, and his kingdom. Chef tracks down Isabella and gets to speak to Gal via her medallion. There's interference, jumbling Gal's words to have him appear to hate her and want her to die. “Move on, you cow.” No, Isabella, he doesn't hate you, he's just trying to move a cow out of the teller's shack! Isabella croons about having her heart broken, giving up on escaping the castle and makes her way back to her pink prison.
Sid and Gareth are bringing some of the newly-crowned king's stuff to the castle when Gareth notices his favorite painting in the moat. In an act of revenge, he tosses one of Mad's valuables in the moat. This results in them grabbing every thing valuable that the other person owns and throws it into the murk below. Sid is the last thing they want to toss, but he stops the nonsense and tells them to just talk it out. In a night full of duets, we find that Gareth likes chains, leather and ass kicking; Mad likes luxury and being pampered for everything under the sun. It looks like they'll never agree on something, no matter how hard Sid tries... but they finally team up to toss Sid out the window and down into the moat. Looks like Gareth and Mad do have at least one thing in common: torturing people. Lovely.
Outside the teller's shack, King gets in a fight with the unicorn and threatens the beast with a sword... that he just so happened to pull from a stone. It seems as if our infantile former king is destined to be the one true hero. Consider me very excited to see how this latest development pans out, as it could be downright hilarious watching the helpless King learn to properly use a sword. The bearded duo work their way back to the castle; the King just wants to stuff himself full of cake until he feels better, and Gal wants to build an army to get his true love back. The latest problem? The castle is nowhere in sight, as if it simply disappeared into thin air. Poof!
Welcome back, Galavant!