If you think you have the stomach to kill all of your darlings while writing in the voice of George R.R. Martin, he might hire you! Apparently, Martin is "losing steam." Winds of Winter is nowhere near completed, and he's frankly a little tired of being heaped with the hopes and dreams and crushing feels of the entire GoT fandom.
It's not that he doesn't love us, he just wants some time to himself.
Above Average released a satirical open letter from Martin back in February of this year. We've had ample time to process a possible fate without the creator of Westeros and what that could mean for our favourite characters.
"I plan to pull a Wonka and find a young, eager nerd to finish Game of Thrones once and for all."
Now, Willy Wonka is a pretty iconic piece of literature, and as grown into a pretty impressive franchise. Heck, candy stores across the world have put in sections of the beloved gold and purple color scheme generally attributed to the famous chocolate factory.
Like Wonka, Martin is turning his ghostwriting position into a lottery.
"There are 5 parchment tickets hidden in volumes of A Song of Fire and Ice. The lucky 5 to find these tickets will be asked to submit writing samples to my editor who, in consultation with myself and HBO, will choose my successor."
And that right there is where they lose us. If we didn't know this letter was a complete work of fiction, we'd have to grab a Costco sized tissue supply. Not only is it highly unlikely Martin would ever take on a ghostwriter, considering his strong stance against fanfiction, it goes directly against his own LiveJournal post.
Martin starts his latest post by apologising for the hold up with Winds of Winter. He then tells us to cool our heels.
"I am going back to my stance from last March, before all this. It will be done when it's done. And it will be as good as I can possibly make it."
"Meanwhile, I'll keep writing. Chapter at a time. Page at a time. Word at a time. That's all I know how to do."
Even though no one can possibly replace our great creator of Westeros, some fans are calling for him to "James Patterson that shit and get some help."
Do we begrudge Martin for the wait we have had to endure for Winds of Winter? Maybe. But do we want him to pawn the series off on some pen-happy nerd, as the satirical open letter suggests, at the expense of Westeros' content and quality? Absolutely not!
Perhaps it's time for Martin to elect a Small Council to help him manage some of his smaller plotlines, but he's got it mostly under control.
So stop counting down to release day and grab a new book. We're going to be here for a while – but it will be worth it!