If you're like me and need caffeine in the morning to function properly, you know the struggle. It's all too real, as the kids say these days.
Fortunately, there are a growing number of us non-morning people in the world. So many, in fact, that they opened up a coffee shop in our honor.
What is the name of this magical place ?
The newest morning-haters coffee shop opened its doors on a lovely Cardiff morning to a crowd of customers.
We might be able to overlook our hate of mornings for a good cup of coffee.
The manager, Clive GrimGrits, complained at being awake so early to serve the caffeine-crazed masses:
“I had to get up at 5am to get the bastard shop open. I hated it. Most people are still sleeping at that time. We opened the shop at 6am and by 7am, we’d already sold out of ‘Fuck You Frappuccinos’ as well as our ‘Piss Poor Tea’. Every fucker who came in had a face on them like a slapped arse so I closed the shop at 8am so I could go home and get some proper sleep like most people do.”
Despite being sardined into such a small space, many customers said they would happily come back.
“It was perfect for me. I could just sit there, thinking how shit my life is and how I hated going to work. They guy next to me was asking whether they did any cooked breakfasts but the manager told him to fuck off and get a life. Everyone was grumpy, which was fine because we were all grumpy together.”
Misery does love company, and no one is more miserable than people who have to be up with the sun. We know it's for something important (like making money to pay the bills) but we just don't care. As long as we can get our coffee or tea without too much hassle, we (and the world) are gonna be okay. At least at Grumpy Fucker's Coffee Shop we'll be able to get our coffee and commiserate with fellow early risers...