I’ve been a very good girl this year. I did charity work, got good grades, respected my dad, didn’t get blackout drunk even though I turned 21 this year, and hardly lost my temper.
So this year for Christmas, I’m asking for one thing. It’s just one little thing outside the usual peace on Earth, everyone to stop being dicks to each other, etc.
Santa, I want Glee
to get consistent writing and something like a coherent storyline when it comes back in February. Come on. You got me that life sized Barbie when I was six. You can do this one thing.
Seriously. DO THIS.
Okay, look, I got to recap this show. We’re going to be having words later, Saint Nick. Pause button. Don’t run away.
Happy Holidays, Gleeks!
I love Christmas. Even though the first half of the month coincides with my college finals and I’m usually crying on the floor. I love the feeling of peace on earth, loving everyone, being nice to each other. It’s a good message.
Plus, hey, I love a good Christmas special just as much as the next person.
Plus, due to the ton of music at this wonderful time of year, Glee
would naturally be the perfect show to have a Christmas special on. Out of three previous ones, I say two (“A Very Glee Christmas” and “Glee, Actually”) were pretty great. The stories were holiday appropriate, the atmosphere was light, they had seasonal messages, and the songs were great.
As for “Extraordinary Merry Christmas,” the whole episode was pretty much shit minus the fifteen minutes of the black and white special and the random appearance of Chewie. The black and white special is just fantastically, hilarious awesome.
Still two out of three, for the show, isn’t too bad.
So now we have the “Previously Unaired Christmas” episode that was “supposed” to be aired last year but, due to reasons, didn’t.
Alright then. Let’s put out on our ugly Christmas sweaters, grab our eggnog, and eat some cookies while we take a look at this scene of merriment.
The Present Of No Continuity:
Jane Lynch opens the episode to tell us that this is the unaired Christmas special from last year. Fox censors apparently hated it and edited out parts involving Blaine and a Yule log and why Mister Schue was there. Many questions will be raised and never answered or acknowledged again. So don’t think too hard about it.
Santa Claus Is Coming To…(Rob You):
Santana is visiting New York from Louisville because she doesn’t want to run into Brittany in Lima. She comes bearing gifts aplenty including a knock-off Barbie make-up head and a trip to Dildo Island for newly single Kurt. Rachel comes in all bright eyed and excited that her and Kurt (Santana can come too) a gig at the Midtown Mall as Santa’s elves. So they figure it’s exposure and well they need work. So they take the job. Except it’s complete and utter hell. Santa’s a prima donna drunk. The kids are all unruly and mean. The parents are complaining. The elf costumes are slutty. Santana ditches to take a bubble bath at the apartment. Rachel and Kurt end up bringing her back because they need her to Mrs. Claus. Why? Because Santa got drunk, threw up, possibly pooped himself, and passed out. Santana is apparently the only one who can fit in the Mrs. Claus outfit. The Mrs. Claus outfit is decidedly sexy but Santana makes it work. Though her interaction with the kids is hilariously awkward to watch. They need a Santa or they’re screwed, which is when Cody a.k.a. Sexy Claus comes on the scene with his abs. Cody says that he can take over Santa and deputizes them as his elves but first they have to sneak out and have dinner together at their apartment. Cody gets them all drunk then he makes out with Kurt. While Rachel and Santana are passed out, Cody hogties Kurt and robs the place blind. The girls find Kurt the next morning. They also lose their jobs because Cody robbed Santatown and took the money from the Salvation Army kettle. Rachel finds them another job as living, singing, store window mannequins.
Underneath The (Environmentally Friendly) Tree:
It’s time for the annual McKinley High Christmas tree decorating competition! Well somewhat annual since they ignored it for the past two years. The theme is a green environmentally friendly Christmas. Tina and Sam are placed in charge of decorating. The issue is that Sue is the judge and will place them last out of spite. When judging time comes, however, Sue admits that the tree is actually pretty good and fits well with the theme. She said that: “For once the glee club didn’t screw things up completely.” Honestly it’s as close to a compliment as you’ll get from her. The glee club wins the competition much to the ire of Becky, who’s half-assed Christmas tree didn’t even placed. Still when Tina and Sam see how bummed out Becky is, they give her the angel telling her that she won the competition in a re-vote. They also give her the part of the baby Jesus in the living nativity scene.
Angels We Have Heard On High:
McKinley’s non-denominational Christmas club (which pretty much features exclusively glee members) are getting together to do a living nativity to replace one that has been vandalized. They are also going to have it be singing with whoever plays Mary getting the lead vocal. Marley, Tina, and Unique decide to audition together. Marley goes to ask Kitty, who tells her that she doesn’t want it. After the cast list is announced with Marley getting the part of Mary, Kitty snarks at her. Marley says that Kitty clearly wants the role more than her. Kitty says that as a Christian the Virgin Mary is the ultimate good woman to measure herself against. She isn’t worthy to play Mary because she isn’t the best person and is a Mary Magdalene instead. Marley tells the glee club about this. This leads them to scheme in order to get Kitty to take the part. The scheme cumulating in a slightly sacrilegious nativity performance leads Kitty to demand the part and do it right.
Random Thoughts/Favorite Moments
OhmyGod. Jane Lynch putting coal in people’s stockings.
So basically the episode was so out of continuity it had be vaulted? I’m glad. I don’t want to think about Blaine and his obsession of Yule Logs.
There…what? That was hilarious, Jane Lynch.
“Shut up Blaine” best episode ever.
Awww. Bieste in reindeer horns.
Non-denominational Christmas club…it exists.
YES! JAKE BRINGS UP A GOOD POINT! Nativity scenes shouldn’t be in front of a public school right? Yeah.
New York is dropping continuity everywhere in that scene.
Hi Becky. “Stop right there, sluts!”
EVERYONE IS ACKNOWLEDING THE WARPED CONTINUITY! It’s a miracle!
Santana and Rachel look hot.
Why are mall Santas always assholes?
Kurt at a tiny piano!
Yeah the kids are going to kill you guys. Kurt looks terrified of them all. And they rain unholy vengeance upon them.
Marley and Jake are back together. Because it was a year ago.
OHMYGOD WILL GETS FOUR SONGS IN FOUR EPISODES?! WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!
Of course the jocks decorated theirs with jock straps. There’s a Stoner Club. And they decorated it around a marijuana plant.
Awww…this is adorable. This whole number is so freaking adorable.
Kurt is not allowed to talk to children: “Santa has a drinking problem…”
OhmyGod Santana has trophy wife Claus. The mall mothers looks! This is hilarious. She shouldn’t be talking with young children but this is hilarious.
Tina and Sam jumping like cadets in front of a drill sergeant when she starts asking questions=hilarious. And they have a…animal of some sort named Richie. Is that a mouse?
I have…I have no clue what is going on. This is like a Christian girl group that has no clue what is “hip.” OhmyGod this special is just…I don’t know what. But I kind of like it?
Hello sexy Claus and his eight pack abs. Oh Kurt is getting his blatant flirt on.
Cody is going to rob your asses blind.
Marley as Mary makes sense.
OhmyGod Kitty…That’s actually really kind of sweetly religious.
Single Kurt is allowed to stare at his abs.
Seriously sexy Claus is going to ROB THEM BLIND! He’s going to seriously rob them or do something horrible. He and his abs are going to ruin Christmas.
They’re all a bit drunk aren’t they? Also GET IT! BECAUSE SHE IS TOTALLY MOVING TO NEW YORK GUYS!
See this is what happens when you invite people you don’t know to your apartment.
That’s a little creepy that you gave them your baby teeth, Becky.
GO KURT MAKING OUT WITH SEXY CLAUS!!!!!!!!! I mean he’s going to do something horrible and mean and be a jackass. But still…YAY!
Totally called it. Yeah yeah never moving to New York, we’ll see you in three to four months, Santana.
This is some very strange reverse psychology to get Kitty to take the part so she would be nice.
I feel like as a Catholic I should be offended. My face is pretty much Kitty’s right now but also hysterical giggles.
Awww them being so sweet with Becky.
The nativity looks pretty good.
Living singing mannequins? That’s a cool job actually.
“Here Comes Santa Claus”
sung by Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez, and Rachel Berry: This is actually a really sweet little song. Chris, Naya, and Lea sound really sweet here. It takes a listen or two to get the beat but once you do, you’ll be whistling it all day long. The whole number was cheesy Christmas fun with Chris at the little piano and then everyone dancing with the rest of the elves. It was oddly synchronized for something come up with on the fly though. But in this episode I don’t think I should be thinking too hard about it. B+
“Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”
sung by Arte Abrams, Will Schuester, Kitty Wilde, Marley Rose, and New Directions: This number was freaking adorable. Seriously it gave me warm nostalgic feelings watching it. It was just fun to watch all of McKinley get into the holiday spirit decorating the trees. A-
“Mary’s Little Boy Child”
sung by Unique Adams, Tina Cohen-Chang, and Marley Rose: I never heard of this song. I like the use of steel drums. It’s a very underutilized as an instrument. I don’t get the whole seventies look. The costumes and the dancing…that is what’s confusing me the most right now. It’s like a Christian girl group trying to be cool but not getting it? Everyone sounded nice on the song though. The beat was really fun. I don’t really get what this has to do with being the Virgin Mary but alright. It sounded good. B+
“The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)”
sung by Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry, and Santana Lopez with Sexy Claus: This is the song that confuses me the most. I mean it seems pointless to have this three insanely talented singers make their voices all high and squeaky. They don’t even sound like themselves, which I assume is the point. Still it seems like a waste of talent. Though it was hilarious watching Kurt flirt with Sexy Claus. Even though it became painfully obvious that Sexy was going to rob them blind about halfway through. B-
sung by Unique Adams, Tina Cohen-Chang, and Marley Rose: The performance was a little sacrilegious. Just a little bit with Unique being pregnant and singing this song dressed in a sparkly blue gown, then delivering the baby then and there. In context by trying to make their glee mate happy, it’s actually rather sweet. Truthfully, my face was a mix between horror and humor. It honestly cracked me up and shocked my lapsed Catholic heart a smidge. But the humor won out honestly. B
“Away In The Manger”
sung by Kitty Wilde, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez with Kurt Hummel and New Directions: This is actually one of the most lovely Christmas numbers that the show has done. It’s very soft in its tone. The living nativity is done respectfully. This intermixed scenes of the New York Three coming to “life” as “mannequins” and making a little girl smile is very heartwarming. The voices picked are perfect and very gentle. They keep the tone and the spirit of the song, which is meant to be a lullaby. A
Overall, this episode is going to have no consequence on the rest of season five. It’s not as good as “A Very Glee Christmas” or “Glee, Actually” but it has a lot more going for it then “Extraordinary Merry Christmas.” The episode was funny with nods to past continuity and just random instances of utter holiday insanity. I guess I prefer the Kitty subplot because it actually had something truly there that connects with her character. Though the parts of watching Santana play Mrs. Claus will make me laugh for a long time. It was a decent episode with some sly humor.
Santa, seriously though, instead of the Glee
writers acknowledge continuity then never do anything with it, how about the actually do something with it. That’s what I want for Christmas.
We’ll see if Santa delivers when we come back February 25th
at 8/9 c for the more Glee.
See you then, Gleeks!