Staff Writer
My nearest and dearest, we’re FINALLY back! That’s right, last night marked the amazing return of the Winchester Boys and Castiel! It’s been an extremely long ass summer, but the wait is OVER and now we get to find out what is in store next for our boys! Last season ended with Metatron basically evicting all those angels from Hell, and Sam almost cured Crowley of being a demon, which would have not only closed the gates of Hell forever, but cost Sam his life in the process. Then we have that bitch Abbadon, oh yes, she’s back and plans on taking over as the Queen of Hell. With that in mind, let’s go over what went down with the Winchester’s in the season 9 premiere of Supernatural! Beware of SPOILERS! If you haven’t seen the episode, please read at YOUR OWN RISK!
This season premiere didn’t open with “Carry On My Wayward Son”, but instead it was “Who Do You Love”, which I was totally rocking out to! Talk about changing things up! Sam and Dean are driving in “Baby” talking about the angels falling. Dean tells Sam that he’s dying, awww! Flash forward to Dean sitting at what appears to be Sam’s death bed. Sam’s brain is getting no oxygen, and he’s got all kinds of burns in his brain. The machines are all that’s keeping him alive. I’m completely in tears! WHAT THE FUCK?! Dean rips the doctor a new asshole about their methods not being good enough to save Sam, and rightfully so! Dean begins to pray in the hospital chapel to Castiel. He talks about that they will work everything out, despite what Cas may or may not have done.
Dean sends out a major angel call, sending for help to any and all available angels. The first one to help gets Dean’s help in return. It looks as though Sam is having conversations with Dean while he is in a coma. Sam explains that he stopped doing the trials to keep from dying, but somehow he’s dying anyways. Then, out of fucking NOWHERE, BOBBY SHOWS UP!
Flash to Castiel standing in the middle of a road, about to get taken out by a truck. Despite having his grace, he can somehow still hear angels.
Flash back to the coma car ride, Bobby tears into Dean about not knowing what Sam wants or what he’s talking about, and makes a very valid point about being dead. It’s great to see Bobby again, WE MISSED YOU!
Back to Cas, he gets dropped by the trucker in some small town with a sandwich that he says he won’t eat, but actually needs to now that he’s human! Cas then meets Hale, but the scene flashes back to the hospital.
Too MUCH with the damn flashing back and forth! I can’t keep up! My eyes hurt! Every time I blink, I miss something!
Dean meets Kim, a grief consoler at the hospital. They talk for a minute about angels, then Dean decides that he’s got the answers in the car. He heads out to “Baby”, bends over the trunk and starts talking to Crowley. Turns out, Crowley is locked in the trunk and Dean is making sure he is still alive, ROTFL! That’s just perfect!
An angel finds Dean and tries to hold him hostage, which lasts about 30 seconds, before another angel comes to help. I’m up to my ass in angels! The angels get into a bit of a fight, until the good angel takes out the bad one!
The good angel, who’s name is unknown to us, remains unknown as the scene flashes back to Castiel and Hale, who are talking about all the angels being scared. Cas tells Hale that the angels now have the freedom to do whatever they want. Hale decides she wants to go and see the Grand Canyon, and then it’s back to Dean and the angel Ezekiel, who’s now been trapped in holy fire while they discuss the angels getting hurt falling and how he wants to help Dean.
Flash to Bobby and Sam talking about not wanting to fight anymore, and that with everything that Sam has done, it’s not dying, it’s leaving a legacy! Dean gets a call from Cas who explains everything that’s happened and lets Dean know that the new angel in town is a good guy. There’s a huge earthquake in the middle of the hospital, and they have to move Sam ASAP!
Flash back to Hale and Cas, with Cas telling her that she needs to help herself, and what does this bitch do for him in return? She knocks him out cold!
Dean puts up every sigil he can think of in Sam’s room, but it looks like the angels have arrived! Glass is breaking all over and people run screaming!
Flash back to Cas and Hale, he wakes up in her car as they are driving while she blames him for everything. Hale wants to become one with Cas and take over his vessel, and not in that good spice girl way.
Flash back to the hospital, and Dean is taken by the damn angels again!
Flash back to coma Sam, he talks to Bobby who gets ganked by Dean! WHAT THE FUCK?! At least it’s in Sam’s head or random objects would be flying at my T.V screen by now. Dean tries to reason with Sam that there is something to fight for while Sam disagrees.
Back at the hospital, Dean gets his ass beat by the angels, all because they want Cas.
Back to coma Sam, he walks into a cabin and is greeted by death! Sam starts dying as Ezekiel says he’s not strong enough to fix Sam. The only way to save Sam is to have Sam be taken over by the angel. Dean refuses at first, but says that if he considers it, he needs something in return. Flash to the cabin, where death talks about how he never thought he’d be collecting Sam Winchester, and Sam needs to know that if he’s dead, he stays dead and Death has to promise that it will actually stick this time.
Meanwhile, Cas gets crazy Hale to crash the car, sending her flying out the window! After a short discussion about how she plans to rat him out if he doesn’t give her what she wants, Cas ganks her real quick.
Back to Sam, he agrees not to go with Death! Dean has Ezekel help him by taking over Sam’s body. Ezekiel’s vessel wakes up and has no clue where he is. Sam is finally out of bed and Ezekiel is riding Sam like a triple crown jockey. Ezekiel tells Dean that Sam can kick him out of his body and Dean has him remove those memories from Sam, and they agree to keep the angel pacemaker a secret for now.
Flash to Castiel doing his laundry! Standing in his boxers (who knew he wore boxers!), he spots a vending machine and goes for it.
Flash to Sam waking up in “Baby’, with no real memory. He can’t remember anything short of the church and Crowley and the angels falling. Dean tells Sam he’s capable of anything, and Sam tells Dean that they have work to do!
OMFG! That episode was completely insane! I’m amazed I haven’t developed epilepsy from all that flashing! Amazingly written, wonderfully directed, all in all a badass opener for season 9! Next week, the bitch Abbadon is back and Crowley is not only still alive, but he’s the junk in Dean’s trunk! Until next week, as Dean always says “Stay Classy!”
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