Staff Writer
Here we are again everyone! Another new episode of Supernatural! Now, it’s safe to say that not every episode of Supernatural is a winner. “The Purge” is, for lack of a better term, a forgettable episode about a Peruvian fat-sucking monster. But really it’s one long case leading up to the final scene when Sam and Dean finally taking a moment to continue the fight that they had from last week’s episode “Sharp Teeth.” Here’s what happened on Supernatural:
Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition
Sadly, the boys are still at odds over the whole “We’re not brothers anymore” ultimatum that Sam gave Dean last week. Dean manages to find a case in Minnesota involving death by weight loss. Allow me to set the record straight about Minnesota, people do ACTUALLY talk like that and if you don’t, you’re considered an outcast. I speak from personal experience having been born and raised in Minnesota. There is no way to fake those accents. After some competitive eaters turn out not to be the big bad, the suction marks on the victims (and one live fitness trainer) lead our boys Sam and Dean to Canyon Valley Fitness Spa. Once there we meet the hot South American owner Maritza and her hunky husband Larry. After what seems like a very short period of time, we see that Maritza’s secret to weight loss is the creepy sucking creature in her mouth, kind of like the tiny mouth inside the alien in her mouth, just like the one seen in the film Alien that still gives me nightmares in any context.
Pudding!
While investigating at the spa, Sam gets a job as a fitness instructor while Dean is stuck wearing a hairnet in the kitchen, dealing with tofu pancakes and other large amounts of other awful “foods.” Shorts and a sleeveless tank top look EXTREMELY good on Jared Padalecki as Sam teaches a yoga class and discovers that everyone at the spa has suction marks on their backs. Just the concept of Sam doing all those yoga poses….where was I? Dean is put in charge of the salty caramel pudding that is given the clients before their treatments and, as expected, he eats it. Then he eats whole lot more. He gets knocked out and calls Sam for help, realizing that there are roofies in the pudding, used to knock out the clients during their treatments. The local sheriff, donning that true Minnesota accent, is also at the spa and tells Sam and Dean about her new suction marks, a byproduct of the cupping treatment she had with Maritza. So it’s fairly obvious that she’s the monster. Dean tracks down Maritza and ties her up. He learns that she’s a pishtaco (which Dean happens to confuse with “fish taco”), a Peruvian fat-sucking parasite. But she swears up and down that she and Larry opened the spa so she could feed and help people without hurting them. The real killer is her brother, Alonso, who works in the cafeteria.
Here comes the bad news: Larry also managed to figure this out and attempted to confront Alonso, who killed him. The boys go hunting down in the basement and just as Sam is about to get sucked (sorry, there’s no way I can make that sound less dirty then it already does), Dean cuts off Alonso’s sucker (hehehe) and saves everyone at the spa. Hooray!
After Sam convinces Dean to let Maritza live, the boys head on back to the bunker and have a the second half of their fight that ended in last week’s episode. Sam gives Dean a ration of crap for having a hero complex, thinking that he always needs to save his little brother. Dean adds that it’s not about saving Sam, it’s about his fear of being alone. Sam explains that, at the start of season 9, he was ready to die and Dean brought him back not because it’s what Sam wanted, but because it’s what Dean wanted, which most of us veteran fans already knew. Dean tries to argue that, had the situation been reversed, Sam would’ve done the exact same thing. Sam simply states that he wouldn’t have. Can someone pull the axe out of my back? That s**t hurts, but I have to give it to Sam. He’s completely right that Dean constantly saving Sam and sacrificing himself to do it isn’t really for Sam’s benefit, it’s for his own. Looks like Dean is just a tad on the selfish side, and it’s VERY hard for me to admit that.
Next time on Supernatural: Unfortunately for us fans The show is taking two weeks off during the Olympics, in order to avoid losing viewers. But, when it returns we’ll get a haunted bunker and Snooki. Yes, the same Snooki we are all thinking of. And the only thing I can think of is Sam’s line from way back in season 6: “What’s a Snooki?” Until then, do what Dean does and stay classy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3EwP_TxxT0
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