Okay. Okay. We’re all ready for this, right? On the mid season finale of Jane the Virgin, will Jane finally choose between Michael and Rafael once and for all; or will she start anew with her foxy professor? Let’s just rip the bandaid all the way off and find out…

Okay so Jane has coping problems. This seems to be a well-established fact, but okay, let’s run with it. Abuela, as always, has the words of wisdom Jane needs to hear. 

Jane is at home now venting to Mom and Abuela, and she is steaming mad at Rafael. Can’t say I blame her all the way, he DID lie. But I am still 100% Team Raf. 

Jane is in line to see Santa with Mateo and Rafael shows up, throwing a wrench into her happy day. More steaming ears and then an obnoxious woman in the mall tells them they need to go to couple’s therapy because the bickering isn’t good for the baby. The fact that Jane held her tongue is the most impressive stroke of will I’v ever seen. 

Rogelio is still trying to find his next passion project, and it’s not going very well. 

Jane comes face-to-face with Wesley, the asshole “friend” that exploited her to get a sordid story on Rafael’s family, and she takes out all her frustrations on him. Though, to be fair, he deserved all of it. The little weasel. 

Jane rushes to the Dean’s office to report him and finds out that her tuition hasn’t been paid for next semester. She contests this, because she got a scholarship… which actually turns out to be a fake scholarship made up by Rogelia, so that he could pay for Jane’s tuition. He knew she’d never take it outright. But now he’s broke. So no tuition. Yeah.

Jane is back with Professor Foxy, explaining what happened with tuition. He is glorious, and they’re adorably awkward together.

Rogelio orchestrates a meetup with Michael, because he misses their bromance. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Rogelio is well-meaning idiot. Michael tells him that he thinks it’s best if they all move on, and Rogelio is heartbroken.

Luisa and Raf are at the station and it’s the first time Michael and Rafael have seen each other. Luisa tells everyone that she has been secretly communicating with Rose for the last six months. Raf is shaken, of course, and storms out. But then in comes his mother. That’s just the icing, right? Poor guy. 

The Villanueva house is deep into the Christmas season and after decorating, Jane sits down to try and write a short story in order to score some cash for grad school. Raf starts messaging her and tells her that he wants Mateo for Christmas, and Jane freaks. They bicker back and forth and end the conversation with threats of legal action. Yikes. 

Jane and Abuela are meeting with Abuela’s immigration lawyer and he recommends that she try and find out more about Raf’s past and the story that ran. Jane decides she needs to know what else he may be hiding. 

Petra is still reeling from the murder in her foyer and Raf knows something is wrong but Mama fends him off quickly. 

Michael and his new partner have a breakthrough in their case, while Jane gets one in hers. She follows Raf into the ghetto to see what he is funneling money into. There is a secret account… oh nope. That was Jane’s story. FFS.

Why must all the shows I watch jump around on me!?

Oh my God. Jane investigates that number and finds out that it’s a domestic abuse shelter that Raf is funding. She was unable to find anything on it because they don’t advertise on the internet, because the people that go there don’t want to be found. Oh my God. 

Seriously! He is perfect. Well, nearly anyway. 

Rogelio tells Xo that it bothers him to see them push Rafael away, because it brings back the memories he missed for the first 23 years of Jane’s life. Then Xo tells Jane, after she tells her about the shelter, that maybe the lady in the Santa line was right. Jane asks Raf if he would be willing to go to therapy, and he immediately says yes. 

Therapy doesn’t start off well, because holy crap their backstory is complicated. 

Luisa finds out that her mom might be a Drug Lord and she looks like she’s one step from relapse. 

The therapist tells Jane and Rafael that they need to try and work through the situation from each other’s perspective. It comes full circle and Jane actually feels incredibly guilty because she didn’t really even consider the fact that Sin Rostro also killed Raf’s dad. She apologizes, but says that six months of lies still aren’t something to scoff at. When the therapist asks why she thinks lying is such a trigger for her, Jane finds herself startled by the question. 

When Luisa goes to see her mother, they discover that there was actually an identity swap and her mother is out there, definitely distributing drugs. Poor Luisa, she can’t catch a break. 

Professor Foxy gets Jane to step back and gain some outside of perspective and it actually ends up being exactly what she needed. 

Rogelio’s intern quits due to poor treatment and leaves, but not before he leaves a script first.

Turns out Rogelio and Jane each have the same trigger: lying. It’s all because of those 23 years. 

Petra and Raf find out that her high blood pressure is harming the babies, and after some pushing from Raf, she finally spills about the, you know, murder. 

In fact she spills allllllllllll the beans. Like, from the very start of it all. It’s quite a lot to take in. 

Raf tells her that he doesn’t hate her and that it actually kind of makes him understand her and all that’s been going on with her. Then he tells her that they need to get her mother out of her life, and I spy a rekindling. 

Jane is writing her story for submission and the knight at the end of the story is Michael. And oh, of course, he took the broken angel and got it fixed. And Rogelio LOVES his intern’s script. And Abuela got her green card. Christmas miracles for everyone! 

Except Petra. And Rafael. Everything bad always seems to happen to those two.

They are planning on what to do next, when the cops come and put her in handcuffs. Her own mother turned her in for the crimes SHE committed! Wow. Worst mother of the year, for sure. 

Annnnnnd she’s still going back to Michael. Jesus H, Jane! You’re not stupid, so why are you acting like it!? Look up the definition of insanity in ye olde dictionary and I imagine you’ll relate to it.

That’s it for us until January 25. Maybe by then the steam will have stopped pouring out of MY ears.