On this newest episode of Jane the Virgin, will Jane finally make a decision? You know the one... Michael, or Rafael? At this point, it's just mean to keep us guessing.
We're getting a bird's eye view into Jane and Michael's past. Despite the fact that I am 100% Team Rafael, she and Michael have undeniable chemistry.
Jane is in full Mommy mode, meaning everything takes a backseat to the needs of the baby. Including hygiene. The thought of a full week without a shower physically pains me. Jane the Disgusting Virgin indeed.
Her family tries to gently nudge her to take some time to, you know, groom; but in her oblivion, she completely misses their subtle hints and naps instead. I ain't mad at her. I love naps, too.
Xo finally musters up the courage to try and shake her out of this fog and, again, nudge her into showering, combing her hair, brushing her teeth, leaving the house, etc. Jane is so not ready for that.
Jane: What if he gets hungry?
Xo: Your boobs come with you!
Then Xo suggests that maybe one of her boyfriends take her to lunch. When Jane asks her to stop with that, Xo tells her she can't because it's like an episode of The Bachelorette out there. The writing on this show is unparallelled, truly.
Raf's assistant is blackmailing Petra for power and status, and while she is undergoing acupuncture, which sufficiently freaks me out, he tells her that if she doesn't have him promoted by that night, he outs her little turkey basting incident to Rafael.
Jane is on the most awkward date ever with Rafael and Michael, when she meets her flashy and fabulous alterego, "Bachelorette Jane." When she sees a woman that looks like Rose in the bathroom, she comes out visibly shaken, Michael spills the beans about her plastic surgery ring, and how she probably doesn't even look like herself anymore. Jane understandably loses her shit.
Ohhhhh, Xo is Team Michael! But we really already knew that, didn't we? What we didn't know, however, was that Alba was Team Rafael. She recognizes that he is a also a stone cold fox, also. Go Alba.
Ooooo, Bachelorette Jane is back! She is doing her best work to try and get Jane to make a choice already when their new neighbors start band practice at 10 pm. And who opens the door when Jane comes a knocking? Ke$ha. Yep, there she is, her big appearance is an obnoxious neighbor. Yippeeeee. Anyway...
We get a glimpse of the mystery man from the end of the last episode, and I want to say that they're after Petra, but who even knows? This show is nothing if not unpredictable.
Michael is at her door with a security system to install in the house, because he knows how shaken she was over the whole Rose thing. This dude is good, I'll give him that. He is so sweet, but also, we MUST NOT FORGET, also kind of treacherous! Let's not overlook all the shit he pulled in the very beginning, mkay?
Bachelorette Jane is honestly the best. She is boozy and blunt and makes Jane really look at her situation and work on it. Jane straight up asks Michael if he is ready for all of the baggage that she comes with now. He promises her that he is, and then they have a super cutesy, romantic moment, but she stops it before anything happens. Its not a decision she's ready to make yet.
Bachelorette Jane is ready to give him the rose, but real Jane is not prepared to do that without speaking with Rafael first. YAS JANE. Thank you for seeing through the haze of romance!
Oh, to fulfill their Vegas contract, looks like Rogelio and Xo are doing dinner theater on a cruise ship. Lol.
Okay yeah, so Russian dude is definitely checking Petra out. More on that later. Louisa tells Rafael that she thinks Petra is pregnant. He tells Jane and they speculate over who the father could be, with absolutely no clue how much it is about to impact their lives. Jane asks if she and Mateo can have a sleepover at his place, and he is genuinely and adorably thrilled.
When she gets there, Bachelorette Jane imagines that a romantic scene awaits them, filled with candles and roses; but it's even better for real Jane. Rafael has transformed his suite into baby central. Because he's the cutest, sweetest and most thoughtful man ever.
They're bonding over fast food now, and she's falling in love again, I can see it. She asks what he wants out of life, and he gives her the best answer. "I want this. To just be a regular Thursday, instead of the first time all week I'm ever truly happy. I love you, Jane. I never stopped loving you." Then she shuns his kiss and he isn't sure what to think. But Bachelorette Jane does not approve, and her urging Jane to "just marry him, and have sex with him, forever and ever!" is the smartest thing anyone has said this entire episode.
Xo and Rogelio are finally working through some stuff, and decide to stay married after all. This makes me so incredibly happy.
Uh-oh, Rafael thinks that his assistant is Petra's baby daddy. HA! The "Harvard Man."
Jane pulls up to her house to see the cops inside. Alba is distraught because, as we know, she is undocumented, and the cops asked for her ID. Jane apologizes for stealing the amp and the cops let her go with a warning, and an even sterner warning for Alba.
Then Raf comes in and trips the new alarm and Michael pops in moments later, which really sends Raf over the edge. They get into it and basically tell Jane that she needs to make her decision already, because they can't take it anymore. Then, despite Bachelorette Jane's STAUNCH objections, she tells them that she is in love with both of them. Oh man. Man oh man.
Alba decides that she is going to apply for her green card, and the Villanueva women make me cry once again.
Xo also tells Rogelio that she doesn't think they should stay married, because he is obviously not over the treachery of his ex-wife. She is turning over a new leaf, and that includes not ignoring any more red flags in her relationships.
Jane tells Michael a story about Rose and it gets the wheels turning in his mind. They make a tiny breakthrough in the Sin Rostro case. To Switzerland they go.
Holy. Shit. The fertility clinic calls Rafael to get his address and he finally realizes that Petra's baby (cause, yeah, she's pregnant) is definitely his. Mother of God.
THIS SHOW! I swear, there is absolutely nothing like it.
I feel like the writers are purposefully throwing a wrench into the possibility of a Jane/Rafael pairing, and I do not care for it at all!
Stick with me, I'll be recapping Jane the Virgin all season long!