Now that Jane the Virgin is back on my screen, I can really and truly say that my television schedule is complete (and absolutely overflowing). There is just something about this show that stands out from almost every other. The heart, the humor, the acting, the relationships, the narrative, the unique formatting. It is the whole package.

Last season’s finale saw Jane giving birth a bit early to her and Rafael’s miracle baby; a sweet, hairy, angelic boy named Matteo. Before they could really celebrate, though, Sin Rostro had the baby stolen right out from under them by posing one of her minions as a nurse. And without a trace, Matteo left the building.

Last night’s premiere picks up where last season left off, with Jane and Rafael finally being informed that their precious baby is missing. All the while, Michael is drinking his pain away in a bar, as he now knows that Jane has given birth, when he gets a call from Sin Rostro. She wants to make a trade. Her bartering chip? Matteo.

If you recall, The Marbella was a hub for an undercover plastic surgery operation, in which Sin Rostro’s doctors would alter the faces of criminals so that they would be unrecognizable. A chip that contained the identity of every single patient whose face has been altered had been planted in a brooch that Sin Rostro wore that had fallen into the hands of Luisa, Rafael’s train wreck sister. Sin Rostro’s terms were simple: the brooch for the baby.

Michael makes his way to the hospital to tell Raf and Jane what’s happening, and they quickly track down the brooch (that Luisa had stolen out of police evidence) to make the trade. They entrust Michael with the swap, and he faces off with his ex-partner and ex-lover Nadine, who has Matteo in her arms.

Nadine tells Michael what is on the chip and asks if he still wants to trade. He does. She said that he didn’t think he’d go through with it, but that Sin Rostro had known that his love for Jane would overcome everything, including his oath as a cop and his yearning to crack the Sin Rostro case.

Michael collects Matteo and saves the day, but the drama does not end there.

Rogelio, being the well-meaning idiot that he is, retweeted an amber alert about Matteo, thereby informing all of his followers that the virginal Jane had given birth.  The holy flock, never one to miss out on a full blown miracle, covers the front lawn of the Villanueva house in devout vigil.

Meanwhile, Jane is freaking out because her milk isn’t coming in and Matteo doesn’t seem to be gaining weight. As any woman who has tried to breast feed knows, even the tiniest hiccup in your routine can negatively impact your flow. I’d say having your infant stolen right out from under your nose qualifies as a hiccup. Stress doesn’t help, either.

But as she runs outside to tell the nuns that she isn’t actually virgin, and has had all kinds of sex (to try and get them to leave for fear of a virginal scandal), her milk pours in and she has the best reaction.

"You wanna see a miracle?! THIS is a freaking miracle!" @HereIsGina, there is no one like you. #LeakyBoobsFTW #JaneTheVirgin @JaneWriters

— PopWrapped (@PopWrapped) October 13, 2015

In a really epic show of bad taste, Rafael told Michael that he didn’t know how to assert himself in Jane’s family and take his place as the baby’s father and equal caregiver. Then he really stuck his foot in it and asked Michael for advice; and, because Michael’s ultimately a really good guy, he gave it. But when Raf displays extensive knowledge of Jane’s breast issues and thoroughly impresses everyone, Michael’s face does not hide his disgust with himself for listening to his conscious.

Rafael talks his way into an invitation to move into the Villanueva house (temporarily) because he is unwilling to be separated from Matteo. Michael clearly wishes he would have chosen homicide instead of giving the advice. But as he sneaks his way out of the house, Jane follows to thank him for everything he had done.

As they’re talking, Jane says something along the lines of, “Yes Rafael is moving in, BUT ONLY AS THE BABY’S FATHER.” Michael’s face says it all, because we all felt the desperation in Jane’s voice in her attempt to make it clear that there was nothing else going on. So maybe Jane and Michael aren’t over after all.

But then she goes in to her house, and the absurdly hot Rafael is standing shirtless in her bedroom, cradling their infant to his bare chest. He tells her to get some sleep and they have a sweet conversation and I cannot understand how any hot blooded woman could possibly resist those dark puppy dog eyes and sly smile. I sure couldn’t.

OH! Petra! In the background of this whole episode is Petra, who, like Michael, decided to drink her way through the birth of Rafael’s son. As we all know, drunk people make terrible decisions, and Petra is no exception. She decided to get a turkey baster and inseminate herself with Rafael’s sperm that she had recently recovered. All without his knowledge. His overeager assistant knows allllll about it, though.  Uh-oh, Petra. This does not bode well for you.

Oh, and Xo finally told Abuela and Jane that she and Rogelio are married. Amusement ensued.

All in all, I thought it was a fabulous series premiere, filled with intrigue, drama, heart, love and the same quick wit and humor that we fans have learned to love and expect from this series.

Stick with me as I’ll be recapping Jane the Virgin for the duration of Season 2!