I'm feeling all kinds of feelings today, Jane the Virgin lovers. Will Jane and Michael actually say "I do?" GOD I HOPE NOT! I know it may be time to just accept the inevitable, but I can't help it! I will hold out hope for Jafael until this show breathes its last breath. Let's just see what those cruel writers have in store for us, shall we?
This week's flashback shows us Abuela telling Jane the story of her own wedding day, Jane's favorite story. This is what sets this show apart. It wears its heart on its sleeve, and it makes all the difference.
Rogelio is literally the wedding planner from hell. He puts every single bridezilla ever to shame. He's freaking out and it's not helping the already spastic mood in the least.
Michael has forgotten to change the reservations for their honeymoon in the craziness and Jane thinks she's going to have to spend her wedding night in a hotel room with her family, and is understandably distraught.
Jane texts Raf urgently so that he doesn't miss Mateo taking his first step, and I see the spark that has always been there making its way to the surface.
Rogelio is in the hotel room with Xo and Abuela still screaming at people when they kick him out onto the balcony. After they do, Xo gets a basket filled with treats and goodies plastered with Esteban's face. Xo admits to Abuela that she slept with him and Rogelio sees the gift, which he calls a "sex basket," and the ensuing argument makes them late for Jane's wedding rehearsal.
They continue their bickering once they get there and I am honestly dying laughing right now. The scene that follows is one of the funniest moments of chaos I've seen in a long-time. Probably since the slap fight between Matt LeBlanc and Stephan Mangan on the Season 1 finale of Episodes.
The priest has recovered from being knocked out and Jane has crazy eyes only for Rogelio and Xo. She tells them to shape up and wait to kill each other until after her wedding.
Aneska is trying to convince Petra to go to Jane's wedding, and Petra finds it a bit strange that she's so insistent, but she goes with the plan.
Jane is really upset about the disastrous rehearsal dinner, but Alba tells her the real story about her wedding, which was disastrous in its own right, not fairytale at all. In fact, Alba's future mother-in-law was unable to hold her peace and called Alba a whore in front of everyone. Her sexy Mateo still married her, though. They all start laughing and the entire mood is changed.
Even more so when Jane and Michael start texting about all the things they need to discuss before they get married. This seals the deal, it's definitely happening tomorrow. Like, definitely. Unless these writers are just the most deliciously deceptive assholes on the planet, tomorrow Jane will marry Michael.
We come back from commercial with Abuela helping Jane to place her veil in front of a mirror so of course now we're all sobbing together. Jane's professor tells her if she gets to the counsel meeting right away, she can pitch her new thesis for approval in person. Since she's getting married in an hour, you can see why this presents a bit of a problem. But she talks to Michael, and he tells her to go, but not to be late.
Jane nails her presentation and gets her new thesis idea approved, so, naturally, she is going to get ready for her wedding in the university bathroom.
She is talking to Xo and trying to fasten her buttons via facetime when Professor Donaldson comes in saves the day.
Rogelio is waiting for Jane in the car that he has kept running with the AC on blast for the last 30 minutes. Since it's a 60-year-old car, of course that means it won't actually start now. They try an Uber, but the closest one is 38 minutes away, so they jump on the bus instead. Whiiiiiiiich is 17 stops away. Yikes.
This gives Jane and Rogelio a chance for a heart-to-heart and 17 minutes later they arrive at the church in a flurry of sweat.
Rafael and Mateo find Jane first and he cannot stop himself admitting to her that he still loves her. OOP, nope. That was just a little dream sequence thing. Instead, he tells her she looks beautiful and takes Mateo inside. He won't be the reason her obvious happiness is dampened on the day of her wedding.
Xo and Abeula walk down Jane the aisle, which seems very fitting. I guess it's really happening. I feel all the sadness right now. I really wanted it to be her and Raf. I REALLY did. Like really, really bad. Oh... have I mentioned that already?
Okay, seriously Michael!? He recites his vows in perfect fucking Spanish. PERFECT. FUCKING. SPANISH. I mean, that's just overkill.
And they're married. Well fuck. Oh. Oh, ummmmmmmmmmm. Okay so, the Virgin Mary, the church choir and all of Jane's family are now singing a catchy little ditty which I imagine is titled "Now Go Have Sex, Jane." Yeah. It was just as awkward as it sounds.
Jane and Michael have arrived at their reception and it looks to be quite the affair. Rogelio has snagged Bruno Mars for their reception!
I freaking love Bruno Mars. A lot. And he's the real deal, the true velvet-voiced troubadour, and he serenades the happy couple's first dance.
Rogelio's union friend Jerry says something about where Michael's lady-partner is from that sets something off in Michael's mind. I'm sure we'll see more on that later.
Meanwhile, Jane and Rogelio begin their father-daughter dance, which actually ends up being a choreographed number that is absolute perfection.
Luisa and Michael's partner are getting hot and heavy, and I'm pretty much convinced that it was her (Lady-partner) that leaked the info and has been working for Sin Rostro/Mutter.
Rogelio and Xo have a sweet "closure" moment. They want to be with each other, but she doesn't want kids, and he still does. Nothing has changed, they will always love each other. But they realize their priorities are different in vastly different ways.
Aneska is in some sort of coma that the doctors tell Petra she'll likely not recover from, except we find out that Aneska has actually exchanged places with Petra, and induced this coma so that she could steal Petra's identity!
The reception is winding down and Abuela and Xo watch Michael and Jane leave to finally go have sex.
Aneska wastes no time in seducing Raf and they're banging pretty swiftly. Michael is grabbing some ice when he sees his partner in the hallway. He tells her "roll-tide," because someone from Tuscaloosa would know how to respond to that. When she doesn't know the retort, he knows immediately that she is the mole. When he confronts her, she turns around and shoots him straight through the heart. Like, literally, straight through his heart, while the sweet new snow globe he just gave Jane shatters on the ground as she drops it.
Lady partner goes into the room she is sharing with Luisa, and tells her they need to go, right now. When Luisa asks why, Lady-partner pulls off her MASK and reveals that she's actually Sin Rostro.
What. The. Fuck.
This show is absolutely ridiculous.
Rose tells Luisa that she needs to go with her now, and the freaking Season 2 finale ends.
Leaving Michael's fate uncertain, but I mean, come on. He's gotta be dead.
Leaving us with the bombshell that Sin Rostro is alive and has been posing as Lady-Partner the entire time.
And leaving Petra in some sort of paralytic coma that leaves her completely aware and cognizant, but able to move only her eyes.
That is A LOT of cliffhangers for one finale! You're going to leave us with all of those devastating unanswered questions until next fall or winter?! Not cool, Jennie Urman. Not. Cool. At. All!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until next season, Jane the Virgin lovers. I take no solace in Jane and Raf maybe being together just because Michael is dead. That just seems wrong. But I also take solace in the fact that this is a telanovela, which means anything is possible. Including a miraculous recovery from Michael.
I don't want him dead, after all. I just don't want him with Jane.