Charity Smith
Staff Writer
@wryobservatory
Twenty-four-year-old Jordan Haskins has a dream. He’s running for the Michigan state legislature on the GOP ticket. Small obstacle: he has a criminal record. He is currently on parole as he runs for the 95th District House Seat against the Democrat primary winner in November.
His offenses, which began at about age 15, predominantly involve breaking into vehicles in order to masturbate while hotwiring them. It’s a fetish known as “cranking.” He was arrested four times in a ten-month stretch (April 2010-January 2011).
Haskins is hoping to convince voters that he has grown up. “I was just a lonely, angry kid at the time. If anything, I could be put on ‘World’s Dumbest Criminals’.”
Perhaps Haskins could frame his criminal activity as the perfect training ground for politics. After all, everyone knows that politicians get off on power and messing with other people’s stuff.
On the other hand, perhaps it will serve as a cautionary tale that sometimes the stupid choices we make as kids can have permanent long-term effects and really do close doors to us in adulthood.
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