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Ghoul evening, PopWrappers. Thank you for joining me for this installation of Popaween. Tonight, I am going list my Pop 5 scariest movie monsters of all time. Let me preface this list by revealing that I typically find movies of a supernatural essence to be scarier than those of the slasher persuasion; which may explain the lack of Michaels, Jasons and Leather Faces that you will find. That being said, I do believe that you will find this list to be eclectic, if nothing else. Let’s begin.
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5. Norman Bates; Psycho:
Norman Bates was a wonderful villain in that he had the face of an angel and could charm the pants off of any wayward traveler at any time. He lured them in with his deep, kind brown eyes and gaping vulnerability, all while keeping the skeleton of his dead, rotted mother perched in a rocking chair in his creepy attic. While he eases weary blonde travelers with conversation, companionship and sandwiches, he’s secretly fantasizing about what she would look like with a slit in her throat and blood dripping down her neck. A fantasy that he makes a reality in the infamous shower scene. But I’m not going to share that scene. We’ve all seen Janet Leigh get sliced and diced behind that shower curtain a hundred times.
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No. Instead, we are going to watch the final scene of the original Psycho.
The way Alfred Hitchcock intended it to be; i.e., Vince Vaughn need not apply. In this final scene, we hear Mrs. Bates’ disembodied voice in Norman’s head. Constantly taunting and belittling her only son. Watch Norman’s face closely at the end of the clip. Maybe “Mother” isn't that disembodied, after all.
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4. Reagan/The Devil; The Exorcist:
This is the first time that I remember being legitimately, embarrassingly, shaking-in-my-boots, hiding under the covers, scared. I watched it for the first time alone, in an empty house in the dark of night. I was in 7th
grade, and not at all prepared for what I would witness. It all began with Reagan peeing on the carpet. Then we hear bumps in the night and the tortured screaming of a young girl being tortured from within. When she’s full-on possessed, her face is so distorted and grotesque that it’s almost hard to look at her. Then she starts telling poor Father Karrass that his “mother sucks cock in hell,” and you know shit is just going to get worse. Like projectile vomiting disgusting, thick, goopy green bile, or backwards crab-walking down the steps and then climbing the walls, all while bones crunch and grind. Oh, and I forgot to mention that whole head-spinning 360 degrees thing. See? Twisted. And I tell you what. The book is almost as scary as the movie. When mere words are able to give you the chills and make you look over your shoulder every few minutes, you know it’s good. The Exorcist
was, is, and always will be, one of my favorite scary movies; and books. Just remember: “The power of Christ compels you.”
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3. The Pale Man; Pan’s Labyrinth
: Guillermo del Toro is a brilliant and twisted man. Truly, the things that he brings to life in his movies are astonishing. His cinematography is one-of-a-kind; and the colors, creatures, and nightmares he can bring to life are all exquisite in their own unique way. One of the most beautiful scenes I remember viewing in recent times were in Hellboy II: The Golden Army
when the nature creature is born in the middle of a city street. It was spectacular. But of all of the daydreams del Toro has given life to, none are quite as disturbing as The Pale Man. A wrinkly, rickety, pasty, tall, emaciated, eyeless, child-gorging nightmare. Oh, wait… did I say eyeless? Sorry, my mistake. He’s GOT eyes. They just aren’t in his head. No, in fact, they’re sitting upon a plate in front of the seemingly slumbering monster. And after the dumbass little girl plucks a juicy grape from his table, he plops those eyes right into holes in the palms of his terrifying talon hands. And presto! The monster can see! Yeah. Run.
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2. Pyramid Head and The Nurses; Silent Hill
: I’ve never played the video game, Silent Hill
. But, I have heard that it’s possibly the scariest one out there. What I do know, is, that the movie scared the ever living crap out of me. From the very start, I knew I was going to be creeped out. I mean, really. What is creepier than an abandoned mining ghost town that had to be evacuated due to mass casualties from coal fires? That’s just about the perfect setup for a scary movie. Then add all of the mutated humans that resulted from the coal fire stalking the few remaining, evangelical townspeople, obnoxious sirens that warn of said mutants, and a terrifying little girl who is cursing all of those who wronged her. I know, it’s okay. Just give me a bit more of your time before you rush to buy it on Blu Ray. But, among all of the petrifying mutants, there were a few who really stood out to me; Pyramid Head and The Nurses. Pyramid Head clunked around with his enormous blade and basically just scared people into submission if they so much as caught a glance of him. He was that big of a badass. Oh, and did I mention that he rips the skin off of people? No? Well…make sure to watch to the end of this video, then.
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But, even scarier than Pyramid Head, in my opinion, were the light-activated nurses. You REALLY don’t want to get too close to the harpies. While light agitates and really riles them, they can get to stepping with proximity, motion, and heat. These nurses are dingy and faceless, with the bodies of Victoria’s Secret models. And in each of their hands is a sharp object, perfect for slicing flesh. They aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, as they ultimately end up murdering each other, but their jerky movements and distorted bodies make their creep-factor off the charts.
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- Samara; The Ring: The Ring goes down as my scariest movie of all time. It disturbed me so hard and for so long. Honestly, I still don’t really like to watch it almost exactly ten years after it came out. Samara is my scariest movie monster for several reasons. First of all. She kills her victims through a video tape. No, really. A video tape. That’s some serious reach to be able to literally kill every person that watches a VHS. Secondly, she’s a kid. And kids automatically make the best villains. Kids can bring a level of creepy that is simply lost to us once we hit adulthood. She’s damaged, tortured. She’s skinny, pale, and has black, stringy hair. And when her victims see her in their final moments, their faces are frozen like this:
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She literally scares them to death. And she is so frightening that their faces are permanently frozen in horror. When she crawled out of the television screen the first time I saw it, I thought I was going to die from sheer terror. And the faces of her victims plagued my nightmares for days. I haven’t watched a VHS since that fateful Halloween night ten years ago.
Well there you have it, guys and ghouls. I hope you like my Pop 5 Scariest Movie Monsters of all time. Who do you think was missing, or got a spot on the list that shouldn't have?