Welcome back Destroyers.
Sorry for the delay in this week’s recap, I may have partied a little too hard celebrating October 3rd, (or as I like to call it “Happy Mean Girls Day”) and I seem to have misplaced a day or two. Anyway, this week’s episode is titled “Black Swan Dive”, and shit’s about to get real.
We begin this week in the stairwell. Jessie is telling Carrie that she thinks things have gone far enough, the Alpha Gamma’s are done for, they all hate each other, enough’s enough, it’s time to walk away. Carrie disagrees; they finally have what they have been waiting for, the icing on the cake, the nail in the coffin, the one spectacular piece of juicy ammunition they need to finish them off.
It is very apparent from the look in Carrie’s eyes that she couldn't care less about the implications of revealing to the world that Autumn has been smooching with Professor Sanchez. Jessie is quick to remind her that they have much bigger problems than dealing with the AG’s right now. In case Carrie had forgotten, Mrs Andrews is coming tomorrow, but Carrie just tells her “If we give up, the terrorists win” (uh, Carrie… What?).
Jessie doesn’t seem to want to play anymore; she tells Carrie that it’s her job to take care of the house, to protect them and do what’s best for them (she’s their president, not their mother!). It’s not her job to use her position to use them for her own personal quest for revenge. (Oooh Jessie, I would not have gone there).
Silly Jessie, you weren’t elected president, Carrie was, so I guess that means that whatever Carrie wants, Carrie gets.
Carrie thanks her for her unsolicited advice, but in case Jessie has forgotten, there’s a Jen shaped hostage in the basement that’s getting a little antsy.
Ok, so now we’re at the AG house, and Autumn is standing in front of her mirror talking to herself… “Stupid fucking bitch”, “Oh, I’m gunna kick your fucking ass” - I guess she’s talking about Carrie, I doubt very much she’d be saying those things to herself. (I’m really hoping I’m not the only one that had Snow White flashbacks here. I totally thought Autumn was channeling her inner Evil Queen and was about to say “Mirror Mirror on the wall”)
Mary pops her head through the door and asks if Autumn is coming down for dinner, but apparently Autumn isn’t hungry “unless you’re serving flesh of Delta Pi, I’m not interested in your empty calories” (wow… just, wow)
Back in the basement, that lone light bulb still swings overhead; Jen is still tied to the chair and music starts playing overhead….
It’s Britney Spears this week and Carrie launches into a very intimidating performance of "My Prerogative” directed towards Jen (poor Jen, she look terrified and from the way Carrie is looking at her and the strength of this performance, I’d say she has every right to be). Meanwhile, Autumn appears to be losing her mind. She’s still staring ointo the mirror as she takes over the lead on vocals.
Cut to Carrie, laptop open and typing away. We catch glimpses of what she’s up to: “inappropriate affairs”, “office hours”, “Professor Sanchez”, “Autumn Nelson”, “Sincerely, A Concerned Student” (I’d say less "Concerned Student" and more "Raging hate filled, revenge seeking She Devil". But that’s just me).
Autumn is walking the college halls, and stops in front of a door; the sign reads “Economic Growth in Latin America 410 CANCELLED indefinitely”. Now, I’m no psychic but I’m going to assume that this is the door to Professor Sanchez’s office.
The camera pans out and we can see a very dejected looking man standing in front of the elevator with a box in his hands. Autumn notices him standing there, turns and heads towards him. He steps into the open doors as she stares at him, there’s a look on her face, sad, worry, I’m sorry, hopeful, I’m not sure. Either way Prof. Sanchez doesn’t seem to care, he stares back then looks away as the doors close. (I make no apologies, but I have zero sympathy for either of them at this point, they made their bed, now they can lie in it… together).
Heading home and walking into the AG kitchen, Autumn seems to be interrupting a meeting of the sisters. We catch the end of what Lauren is saying “we can’t have a whore as our president” (Uh oh. Looks like the sisters have discovered Autumn’s dirty little secret).
Autumn doesn’t seem all too happy to see her sisters having a meeting without her, asking if she forgot they were supposed to be having one today. Oh no dear Autumn, your sisters are having one behind your back; after all it is about you!
And, yep I was right, the AG’s have found out about Autumn's “whorish ways” and have decided that she may no longer be fit to lead the AG’s (are you sure? I mean really? Are you really sure that you don’t want the president of your sorority, the face of the Alpha Gamma’s, to be that girl who had an affair with her married Professor? Ok, I'll end the sarcasm here). There will be a trial tomorrow, both the sisters and Autumn will have the chance to state their cases for or against Autumn keeping her position as Madame President.
Over at the Delta Pi house, Carrie checks a glass top table for traces of dust; it’s evaluation day and as Jessie so eloquently puts it, “If this doesn’t go well, we’re fucked”. Carrie offers up a “yep” and both ladies stand and wait.
The trial has started at the AG house, the accused sits in her chair while the sisters discuss her infractions and get ready to decide her fate.
Autumn begins by saying that what she does in her personal life has nothing to do with her ability to lead the AG’s. Mary disagrees; having an affair with a married professor is hardly AG behaviour (oh Mary, Mary, Mary, over the course of the last few episodes, I’d go as far as to say that nothing any of you ladies have done has been model AG behaviour).
Pause… Buckle up readers, because everything is about to come crashing down.
It seems Mary isn’t the sweet and innocent little thing herself (tsk tsk tsk), giving the choir director a hand job is certainly not AG behaviour (Plot Twist: The AG’s are a sorority in a porn film and that is exactly model Alpha Gamma behaviour).
This scandal has brought a lot of unwanted negative attention towards to AG’s, oh and let’s not forget that Autumn has exhibited cruelty towards animals in the past, Lauren knows all about the fur coat, the fur coat she wore to prom.
Mary interjects to inform Lauren that at least Autumn isn’t doing commercials with Satan. Mary knows, she’s seen it, JC has seen it. Britney thinks that perhaps they're getting a little off topic. Arlie confronts her saying that at least they’re talking and not “hiding on Greek Harmony like a pussy”.
Lauren clarifies that she’s not a witch, she was just helping Jerry with his thesis film (duh!). Autumn steps in and lets them all know that her prom coat was fake fur (psycho’s). Back to Arlie and she’s demanding that Britney fess up, “Admit it. You like dicks!” Autumn wants to know who’s spreading these rumours. Britney answers to Arlie, “I. Like. Vagina’s.”
The whole room is standing, shouting at one another, the background music is getting louder, more intense. It’s anarchy, it's chaos; it’s everything Carrie would want it to be, until….
Jen jumps up and shouts, “It was me!” She lets her sisters know about the torture, the threats (remember the shaving of the eyebrows thing). Mary wants to know who is responsible, and Jen offers up, “The President of the Delta Pi’s”.
“We’ve been played.”
And Autumn storms from the house like a woman on a mission.
It’s all quite demure and ladylike at the Delta Pi house; tiny cucumber sandwiches adorn the three tiered cake stand, classical music plays, it’s all very dainty. Carrie stands in front of her sisters and introduces the President of the Regional Board, Mrs. Andrews.
Carrie is telling (bullshitting) Mrs Andrews that this semester has been one of the best for the Delta Pi’s; they hugged the homeless, they did amazing charity work, it’s been a semester full of puppies and rainbows. Things are going rather well until…
Oh look; the DP’s have a visitor. A very pissed off Autumn makes her entrance. She makes her way straight towards Carrie, grabbing her around the throat, GAME ON!
Carrie manages to push her off but in doing so, stumbles into the easel holding the DP’s semester goals (remember them, community service, going good, blah blah blah). As she falls into it, she tears off the top sheet to reveal their new semester goals, Destroy The Alpha Gammas.
Mrs Andrews tries to calm the situation with a quiet “Ladies, this is inappropriate” but her words go unnoticed as Carrie grabs the punch bowl off the table, looking to swing it Autumn's way, but instead, Oh Shit! Poor Mrs Andrews is on the receiving end of it instead.
Silence, nothing but silence.
The entire room, all the Delta Pi sisters, Carrie, Mrs Andrews, Autumn, everyone sits or stands in total and complete stunned silence.
Carrie notices that the new semester goals are on display. Mrs Andrews notices the new semester goals are on display. The only words we hear, “Disaster, total disaster”.
Fade to black.
So that’s it for another week Destroyers. We have just witnessed the penultimate episode of season one.
As usual, I have questions. On a scale of 1-10, just how much trouble is Carrie going to get into for not only not achieving anything during her Presidency, but also for dumping the entire contents of the punch bowl over Mrs. Andrews? Are the AG's going to be able to be able to forgive Jen? (poor Jen, I like her) What will happen to Autumn now that the affair is public knowledge? But let's face it, honestly, the one question most of us are wondering... Where the hell was Adam?
Don’t forget to tune in next Wednesday at 10am, on the Destroy the Alpha Gamma’s YouTube channel for the finale episode and maybe, just maybe, all will be revealed.
I. Can’t. Wait.
Stay cool Destroyer’s… Until next time.