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Television / Recaps PopWrapped | Television

The Coven Brings Sexy Back To 'The Dead' In This Week's American Horror Story

PopWrapped | PopWrapped Author

PopWrapped

@PopWrapped
11/23/2013 6:19 pm
PopWrapped | Television
The Coven Brings Sexy Back To 'The Dead' In This Week's American Horror Story
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Rosie Clarke Content Editor Oh jeez, just when you think you might know where the story is going, AHS chucks an undead threesome and some infanticide into the mix. We start off with a bittersweet flashback to a pre-monster Kyle in a tattoo parlor with his frat buddies. They all seem like idiots but even though Kyle appears to be the ring leader, he's the only one who doesn't want to get a tattoo because (bless him) he plans on making good first impressions in all his future job interviews. "I'm gonna be an engineer, and I'm gonna make sure shit [Katrina] never happens again." #OnlyTheGoodDieYoung
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He gently goads his mates for picking the world's dumbest tattoos (a four leaf clover and a random selection of Chinese symbols), then we flick back to the present day to see monster-Kyle weeping hysterically upon finding those tattoos on his body. So now he's stuck with the world's dumbest tattoos. Madison you should've chosen different limbs! So not rad, bro. Monster-Kyle then starts talking gibberish and gets more and more agitated as Zoe walks in looking like a deer in headlights. But oh no! She has a tiny gun held behind her back. Poor monster-Kyle, he's chained up and everything...
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After the credits we get an epic voice-over monologue from Madison about how being undead is pretty similar to being a millennial. FYI you're a millennial if you were born "between the birth of AIDs and 9/11 give or take". I feel like a millennial had no say in the writing of this monologue as it's fairly sweeping and doesn't exactly put us in a positive light. Madison: "We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where a kid gets a trophy just for showing up... It seems like our one defining trait is a numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering." She's sorta dead, so decides to consume all of Fiona's meds and potions as well as the entire kitchen-worth of food. I guess it's meant to be an expression of the fuck it mentality "Generation Y" so prides itself on. Which is kinda patronising coming from a bunch of "Generation X" writers and producers, but it's a great scene anyway and Emma Roberts's portrayal of Madison just keeps getting more and more intriguing.
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Finally content that something she ate or drank has finally stopped her from looking like Marilyn Manson, she heads upstairs to bed (it's the middle of the night). Of course she takes some time to painlessly burn a hole through her hand with a lighter, before she goes.
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Back to Zoe and Kyle... Zoe's trying to explain why she has to kill him, but chickens out anyway and he grabs the gun. Zoe then gets all freaked out like he's going to kill her but Kyle turns the gun on himself instead, which is when she leaps over to snatch it out of his hands before he can end it all. Poor monster-Kyle, he's literally re-enacting the story of Frankenstein's monster. *Sad Face* All this leads us to the greatest scene of all time. Queenie and Delphine appear in the kitchen looking disheartened as their plans for a midnight binge have been scuppered by the disappearance of all the food. #DamnYouUndeadMadison So instead they decide to hit the drive-thru.
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Amen ladies. Delphine being deathly afraid of the speaker at the drive-thru was genius. More "Delphine encounters the modern world" moments please! Delphine also exclaims it's the most delicious food she's eaten in her entire life. Can't argue with that lady it probably is a hell of a lot better than those slave eyeballs or whatever it was you served up last episode! Delphine: "I'm starting to understand why you are so enormous!" Queenie: "You're not exactly svelte yourself, okay?" Best random friendship ever. Queenie later confides in Delphine that she feels out of place in the coven sometimes. "I dragged my ass all the way here from Detroit to be with my QUOTE sister witches, and instead I'm sitting in the fast food parking lot at three in the morning with an immortal racist... How'd that happen?" You raise a good point, Queenie. Delphine responds by telling her it's cos she's black. Queenie seems shocked at first but then seems to agree. Meanwhile, Cordelia gets a phone call - which  she answers after knocking over everything on her night stand. Somebody show this lady how to be gentle...
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It's her husband on the line. I know what you're thinking...
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And you'd be right... He's being typical witch-hunter-weird, acting all "I love you baby" while sitting with 1000000000000 guns in his hotel room. Girl, please get your bitch on and kill that dude. Delia then hears a noise and leaves her room (easier said than done when you're blind...) she nearly falls down the stairs but Madison grabs her. Oooooh Delia didn't know she was alive but once she's been grabbed she instantly gets a psychic flash of when Fiona slit her throat. Bad times.
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Delia's not happy about this. #MommyIssues
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Next we flick to the creepiest? romance of all time... I mean I know it's not creepy compared to Spalding and dead Madison, or Kyle and his mom (still trying to block that one out) but there's something super wrong about Fiona and the Axeman. Everything that dude says just sounds gross.
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So when they first got together in this episode I was like...
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But then things took a super seedy turn when Axeman revealed he's been watching her undress since she was like eight at the coven school. I mean... Infinite "eww". Not even Fiona enjoyed the revelation.
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And let's face it, she ain't exactly a model human being. She overlooked the dead body in the bathtub, but stalking was just too much for her to cope with.
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Also, I just can't watch Jessica Lange get it on with an old dude in a fleabitten motel room. It's too damn sad. Cut to Zoe trying to teach monster-Kyle the ways of being a human again. With flash-cards.
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tumblr_mwogivDKZI1sgo9goo2_250 It's cute until he feels patronised and has a major freak out. At least he didn't break any more Stevie Nicks records though, I don't think the world could take that pain. Madison wanders in and tells Zoe to go chat with Delia while she watches over monster-Kyle. Then the two bond over being undead. Was it really worth being brought back, they ponder...
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They have a moment. It's kinda sweet but mostly weird. On the other side of town, Queenie has decided to pay Marie Laveau a visit! Turns out she's thinking she might be better off with the voodoo peeps because they too are black. She's sick of the white ol' coven, who can blame her? Plus Marie Laveau apparently has a makeshift gumbo restaurant in her garden. #Winning
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Marie tells Queenie she can join team voodoo if she agrees to lure Delphine back to the salon. Queenie seems a tad hesitant (and is it awful that we the audience may have actually started to empathise a tad with that crazy old racist?) but marie tells her just to ask Delphine about the things she's done in the past and she'll know what to do. In their little office meeting, Delia offers Zoe some rather spilt tea and reveals that Fiona killed Madison. Of course there's only one thing to be done according to Delia, and that's kill Fiona Goode once and for all. "Kill her once. Kill her good. Kill her dead."
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Zoe then wanders back to her bedroom, when OMG...
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Zoe's not happy. So she does what any hot shit witch would do, and decides to reattach Spalding's enchanted tongue (you know, the one she apparently found in that secret cubby). Spalding, we discover, has been tied to his bed all this time. It must smell pretty rancid up there what with the aroma of Madison's rotting corpse, and I'm assuming no-body's been helping him go to the bathroom while he's been tied up... Ickkkk
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He also still appears to be afraid of teenage girls. I guess he has reason to be, they've been nothing but trouble! Although his face seems to have healed much better than Delia's after that horrific accident he had with a hot spatula... Once his tongue's been reattached, Zoe forces him to admit that Fiona killed Madison, just so she's sure. She then stabs him. Forcefully. RIP Denis O'Hare, you had a good run but now "you're done talking". Thanks to Zoe. Later that night, Delphine's busy carving the world's largest slice of ham when Queenie walks into the kitchen to greet her. Delphine even seems excited to see her! #Naww But it's not to last... Queenie finds out from Delphine that her horrific past includes the murder of a baby and the use of his newborn blood as moisturiser. Oh dear...
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SO she lures her into the salon with the promise of a new do (which Delphine is delighted about) until Marie shows up with some voodoo cronies.
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Even though she's a racist sadist, it's still hard not to feel bad for this bitch! Damn Kathy Bates is a good actress! I've seen promos for the next few episodes where Delphine's had her head chopped off... I SO want a Death Becomes Her moment... Just immortal enemies arguing for eternity with their dismembered heads... Preferably accompanied by a cameo from Goldie and Meryl.
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Elsewhere, Fiona gets frustrated that her hair keeps falling out since having chemo, so decides to shave it all off (you can get pretty nice wigs nowadays, right?) but then hears some Axeman-esque jazz music and changes her mind. Of course, a wig would mean heading over to the voodoo salon and that's a walk of shame no bitch wants to commit to. I guess Axeman and the Supreme are gonna give things a try. This can only end well...

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Okay so just when we think we're about to get out of this episode relatively unscathed, something totes cray happened... Zoe's minding her own business, washing off spalding's blood in the shower when she gets propositioned by Madison.
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Turns out neither of them like sharing Kyle so they decide to share Kyle. Still making no sense? Yeah there's no way around that.
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Cos that's what "Generation Y" does when it's feeling glum, or not feeling anything, or something symbolic along those lines. WITCH WEEKLY: I don't even think I had a fave this week, everyone was pretty awesome but Marie Laveaux's vengance at the end was amaze. She'd already turned Queenie into a torturer (or so it appeared when we saw Q inching towards a caged Delphine with a pretty angry looking hook!)... But when Marie brushed a saucer of Delphine's racist, baby-killing old blood onto her face... man oh man this chick is hard as nails.
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Sweet dreams til next time! We don't get a new episode for two (gahhh) more weeks but we can be sure it'll return with a bang! AND STEVIE NICKS IS COMING ON! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsyoEDRRSYg http://www.Twitter.com/PopWrapped http://www.PopWrapped.Tumblr.com/ http://www.SoundCloud.com/PopWrapped http://www.Facebook.com/PopWrapped http://www.Instagram.com/PopWrapped http://www.Pinterest.com/PopWrapped http://www.YouTube.com/PopWrapped http://www.PopWrapped.wordpress.com/ http://www.PopWrapped.com

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