Just when you think you’ve seen it all: Jessica Lange spits into a cup and forces some poor schmuck to down the lot. Well I guess that’s one way to deal with unwanted attention. And to think... It’s no-where near the grossest thing that happened on this week’s American Horror Story: Coven
So, we’re in Louisiana’s deep south when “Boy Parts” opens, watching a couple of gator hunters shoot an alligator in the head before dragging it back to their swampy abode. Then: “What the hell?” We see the blurred outline of a figure in white walking in between strung up dead gators. Stevie Nicks kicks in with “Edge of Seventeen” as the hunters creep closer.
Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she's singing.
Lily Rabe is back, y’all! She inspects the dead gators, “Why would you kill god’s innocent creatures? So they can be made into shoes?” The hunters point a gun to her head, “Stay away girl. You play with dead things, you’re more than likely to join ‘em.” Whoo... Whoo... Whooo...
Oh the irony... Don’t mess with the necromancer, boys! “They’re not all dead,” Misty remarks in a suitably ethereal fashion as she permits one of the strung up gators to sink its teeth into a hunter’s shoulder. Both gator hunters get eaten alive. It’s awesome.
Photo courtesy of FX
Has anyone else noticed that none of the men on the show actually speak? The ones who do either get horrifically maimed or killed. Either way, they become mute. AHS
family member, Denis O’Hare has yet to have a single line, bless him. Talk about radical feminism... Do you think Ryan Murphy is trying to tell us something? Though violent and arguably sexist, it certainly makes a refreshing change.
Whoever’s idea it was to have Lily Rabe go from playing the Devil incarnate last year, to a “white winged dove” this year is a genius. In season two, Sister Mary Eunice met her sticky end burning in a furnace and this year’s Misty Day rose from her burned-at-the-stake ashes. Loving these bookended parallels, AHS
, keep ‘em coming.
Madison and Zoe got up to some pretty freaky shit at the local morgue. Wanting to be a good friend, Madison tells Zoe she’s stolen a spell from “Foxxy’s stash” so they can try to bring frat boy, Kyle back to life. Isn’t she lovely?
They find Kyle’s body with the other crash victims, severed into six handy segments: head, torso, legs and arms. Thank God for that... Now Madison can pick ‘n mix the best body bits, attach Kyle’s head to the top and hey presto: a perfect boyfriend. Perfect except for the whole Frankenstein situ, that is. The resurrection spell requires blood to work, so Madison lovingly volunteers Zoe’s. Surely that’s gonna have some iffy consequences for Zoe somewhere down the line, right? “Did we just marry the Devil? ‘Cause I don’t know if I’m down with that.”
The spell takes a little while to work so of course Madison gets bored, gives up and drives off. Zoe stays to kiss Kyle goodbye and is rudely interrupted by a police officer. Luckily monster-Kyle awakes just as the po-po approaches Zoe. With some serious “he’s aliiiive” acting from Evan Peters we see Kyle whacking the man to death.
Misty apparently has some psychic connection to resurrection and felt the spell calling to her so she flocks to the morgue with an airy smile. Popping up in the back seat of Zoe and monster-Kyle’s getaway vehicle, she directs them to her place. Also known as her nutty cabin in the woods where she coats herself in gator dung (“it healed me when I was burned alive”) and worships Stevie Nicks. Misty totally stole this episode. She’s completely fruit-the-loop but naive in a way that’s just annoying in Zoe.
Zoe: “Who sings that?”
Misty: “Who sings that? Fleetwood Mac! Stevie Nicks is my hero...”
Zoe: “Stevie Nicks from American Idol?”
Misty: “It’s.. Stevie Nicks... The White Witch! The only witch before you I’ve ever known.”
So many things about this dialogue hit home. First of all: I know Ryan Murphy is friends with Stevie Nicks through Glee
but how the heck did he convince her to let the show label her a white witch after the Wiccan community tormented her so, back in the day. Second of all: I love the allusion to fandom here because poor ol’ Misty has never met or seen another witch before so Stevie Nicks, representing that part of herself, has become a great inspiration to her and I think most fans will relate to that.
There’s a bizarre moment where Zoe and Misty stare into each other’s eyes, listening to Fleetwood Mac... Is there supposed to be some sapphic vibe happening here? I thought we were meant to get caught up in the whole Romeo + Juliet
turns Beauty and the Beast
grim fairytale thing between Zoe and monster-Kyle?
Elsewhere, Fiona is well and truly on the warpath for immortality. Her plot to torture a satisfactory answer out of LaLaurie produces some hilarious results... Okay, so her methods aren’t quite as gruesome as LaLaurie’s were last week (eating fried chicken in front of her being one of them) but seriously... It’s not hard to torture someone who’s deathly afraid of cell phones.
Eventually LaLaurie points the Supreme toward Voodoo Queen, Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett), who it is revealed in another flashback tricked LaLaurie into drinking tears of immortality as punishment for her crimes against humanity. This, my friends, is when we get one of the coolest AHS
scenes of all time... Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett and a passive aggressive hair salon. Epic. The pair spar insults back and forth, giving us a sense of the ancient battle between voodoo and witchcraft.
Fiona: “Please, you wanna tell me that some illiterate, voodoo slave girl gave me my crown?”
Marie: “Well maybe you haven’t heard the news about civilization starting in Africa... We’re more than just pins and dolls and seeing the future in chicken parts... You’ve been reading too many tourist guides.”
[You may wish to note that Marie Laveau is another character plucked from real life... Give her a google to check out whether you think the Coven
treatment is doing her justice.]
Fiona warns Marie that unless she gives her the immortality potion, LaLaurie will remain outside her box... And with one last verbal slap-down, she leaves: “Such a lovely place you have here. It’s nice to see you doing so well after all these years... I mean maybe in another century, you could have two
After she exits we get a nice little reveal as Marie beckons in her lover - The Minotaur! Turns out she must have given him some of that immortality potion too.
In other news... Cordelia gets her freak on with her husband (who apparently knows about the whole witch thing and is totally cool with it). The snakes from the promos make their entrance when Cordelia performs a creepy candlelit fertility ritual on the hardwood floor. It’s so Freudian they should name their future child, Sigmund.
We also get a quick flashback to Queenie working as a manager in a fast food chain restaurant. The fiery tempered lass loses her cool with a demanding customer. Plunging her arm into the deep fat fryer, she gives the bloke a nasty looking burn to shut him up. (‘Cause that’s what all the women on this show do with men, apparently.)
Oh we have to mention Nan. We totally love Nan. She gets annoyed at witch school because the tied-up, gagged LaLaurie makes “TOO. MUCH. NOISE.” So she high-tails it upstairs to set LaLaurie loose on the world just so she can read her book in peace. Good call, Nan. Kathy Bates’ LaLaurie storms outside after knocking out Queenie with a candlestick for uttering the classic line: “Yo, who is this stinky old lady?”
FYI: I think we’ve officially established that LaLaurie is not a witch. She’s just a bitch. Last week was a little vague on the matter - I totally assumed she was a witch, my bad!
Fiona eventually finds LaLaurie outside her old mansion. They discuss LaLaurie’s past and we get a sense of what redemption could mean for each of them. Fiona quips: “People have always celebrated the macabre. You’re not remembered fondly but I guess that beats not being remembered at all.” Will we see Fiona live forever this season or will we see her die and be “remembered fondly”? It certainly seems as though her desire to live forever stems from a fear of being forgotten.
LaLaurie’s failed attempt at garnering sympathy for herself results in this zinger: “They took my babies you know, hung ‘em in the street [...] I don’t care what kinda monster everybody says I am, I love my girls in my own way. Even the ugly one. From the moment she came out of my belly she was a shame to me. She had the face of a damned hippo. But I loved her just the same.”
Clearly redemption for this old bat seems pretty unlikely as she’s fairly content with being a monster. But in the meantime she does make a genius (almost cute in a sadistic sort of way) pet for Fiona. “You run away again, and it’s back in the box for you,” Fiona tells her as she leads her across the road.
Overall, I don’t think anything could beat last week's premiere but this was a fairly exciting follow-up episode! We got some fascinating extra storylines so let’s see how they each develop over the coming months.
Queenie is a class act, man. So many great lines. The one where she was describing her initial reluctance to join the school, was fab:
“I grew up on white girl shit like Charmed
and Sabrina the Teenage Cracker
Plus, she totally has the coolest (and most original) power.
Sweet dreams ‘til next week, guys! (The promo looks fun.)