Chelsea Workman-Jernigan
Staff Writer
After nine seasons and after countless bad decisions made by these five lunatics, we’re finally hitting the big 100. No one would have guessed the show would have made it this far, but the show has only gotten stronger and funnier throughout the seasons. The possibilities are endless as far as what could have happened in this episode, but to give each of them the spotlight in their own way is the best way to go for such a monumental episode.
In this episode, we see the thoughts of each member of the Gang while they’re hiding from a convenient store robbery. We get inside of the minds of Charlie, Dee, Dennis, Frank, and Mac, and we see what they would what happen if they were to save the day. There’s countless speculation about these characters inner thoughts and desires, and tonight we’re finally able to see what they would do, at least during a situation like this.
At the beginning of the episode, Charlie asks the question that gets the gears rolling in each of their heads: “What are we going to do?!”
They’re going to save the day!
First, we get inside Mac’s head. The whole entire scene is set up like an action movie, including a dark camera filtering and Mac suddenly have a deep, raspy voice. In this scenario, the robber is actually a member of the yakuza, and suddenly ninjas start appearing from all areas of the convenient store. Mac defeating the yakuza is perhaps one of the best action scenes I’ve seen on television. After accidentally killing the store clerk’s father, a star is thrown at Mac’s neck, causing his almost instantaneous death. While his friends sob at his death, he is sent up to Heaven. Two shirtless angels – both men – assist Mac in taking him to God.
We’re next thrown into Dee’s dream. Even her inner thoughts have the Gang blaming her for the robbery! After convincing the robber (who went from being a guy to a girl) to hand her the gun, Dee turns to the Gang and says “I’ll see you in Hell, boners” before proceeding to shoot them. She also shoots the store clerk, for there doesn’t need to be any witnesses. That’s right, we’ve got even more death in this episode! In true Dee fashion, she tells the robber that she’ll be with her “for life”, but instantly throws her under the bus once the police arrive.
After landing in the witness protection program and acting as a British butler to the Covington family, she becomes a huge star in Hollywood. In an interview for her new upcoming film (that’s “already grossed $900 million in pre-sale tickets”), it’s revealed that she’s engaged to guest star Josh Groban! He begins singing a song he wrote about her, which is about her feet being her perfect size, her hair being blonde, and her definitely not looking like a bird. Perhaps Dee helped write the song as well.
Unfortunately, her marriage to Josh Groban only lasts 17 minutes. After 17 minutes, she then hooked up with Brad Pitt. (Unfortunately, unlike Josh Groban, Brad Pitt doesn’t guest star in this episode. His picture is just on a tabloid magazine.)
Next up, we get inside Dennis’ head. He attempts to talk to the robber, but is instantly shot in the head. He tries to continue talking, but after babbling incoherently, he faints. We then are thrown into a series of flashbacks, involving Maureen Ponderosa, Jackie Denardo, and whomever he tried to seduce in the sex tape we briefly watched in last season’s “Charlie Rules the World”. Upon waking up, Dennis asks his doctor a very important question: “Does my dick work?”
And the doctor’s verdict?
“No, your dick does not work.”
“Kill me!”
After assuring Dennis that rehabilitation will work, the doctor introduces Dennis’ nurse, who happens to be Jackie Denardo (Jessica Collins)! That’s right, the weather reporter Dennis attempted to hit on during the episode “The Storm of the Century”. Despite his initial struggle, Dennis quickly progresses with his rehab, and is even able to do incredibly expertise gymnastic routines.
Unfortunately, while proclaiming his love for Jackie, she is hit by a car, and, much to Dennis’ horror, her breasts “were obliterated”. If you were unsure about Dennis potentially being homicidal, what he does to Jackie next just might make you a believer. He grabs a pillow and suffocates her to death!
Next, we look into Frank’s head. He tells the Gang he will handle everything, but really he grabs a couple of hot dogs and sneaks away to eat them as the Gang and the robber are killed. And that’s it for Frank! It’s the shortest and simplest of the various scenarios, but, just like the rest of these dreams, this one if perfect to Frank.
And, last but not least, we have Charlie. We’re thrown into a cartoon world, one where everyone looks like the characters from the Disney/Pixar film Ratatouille. The Waitress appears, and Charlie shoves Dee in front of her so she wouldn’t die. He completely abandons the rest of his friends as he takes her from the convenient store. Upon arriving at Charlie’s apartment, the Waitress becomes instantly weary of his rat friends until, in a Cinderella moment, they create a beautiful wedding dress for her. They get married at the “Marriage Store” and begin their happy life from there.
After the burial of all of his rat friends, the Waitress gets an idea – they could have babies! So, they go to the “Baby Store” and pick up ten babies. We see that Charlie instantly teachers them about the “nyte kroller roolz” (night crawler rules), something the children are happily participate in. As they grow up, the boys go to “The School for Boys”, and the girls go to “The School for Girls”. The boys become janitors, and the girls become waitresses.
When Charlie and the Waitress are much older, after watching their kids head off to work, the Waitress suddenly falls over. She ends up passing at the hospital, surrounded by Charlie, their children, and their grandchildren. This is perhaps the saddest, and definitely one of the most heartfelt, moments of the series. Just like their rat friends, the Waitress is buried in the front yard. Sometime after her passing, Charlie allows his house to become like the one from the Disney/Pixar film Up, and he floats away into the sky.
In the end, the Gang embarks on none of these adventures. Instead, they grab whatever food they can before scrambling out of the store.
What were your thoughts about this landmark episode? Was this worthy of being the series 100th episode? This definitely fits in my Top Five list! This episode was hilarious, slightly disturbing, and heartfelt. (Not all at the same time, unfortunately.) I enjoyed being able to step inside the minds of these characters. Nothing groundbreaking was learned – except for maybe that Charlie dreams in cartoons? – but all these scenarios stayed true to these characters.
See you all next week!
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