We’re back, we’re back! The Walking Dead is finally, blessedly back on our screens. We ended the first half of the season with Deanna sacrificing herself while Daryl, Sasha and Abraham were stopped en route back to Alexandria by the infamous Negan’s henchmen. We’ll pick back up with that trio now…

Daryl, Sasha and Abraham are being forced to surrender their weapons. Every single one of their possessions now belongs to Negan, per the lead henchman.

The lead henchman is supported by a biker gang of about ten, all heavily armed and looking rather trigger happy. Whoever this lead dude is, I want him dead right now. He’s very close to putting Abraham down, when Sasha stops him and tells him he doesn’t have to do this. Abraham tells her to shut up and we find out that the wee greasy man was bluffing. Or was he…

OH no, he wasn’t, but it didn’t fucking matter because here comes Daryl with a FUCKING BAZOOKA AND HE BLOWS ALL OF THEM UP AND NOW THEY’RE DEAD.

And people seriously wonder why we all love Daryl so much!? He just saved them all with a bazooka! No further explanation required, thank you very much. 

We’re back in Alexandria, where we left the group combing through the militia of walkers covered in the guts of other walkers to stave off attacks. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to walk among a pulsating throng of walkers, but it looks like young Sam is on the verge of a very severe panic attack. Walker guts or no, if this kid starts freaking out, he will 100% blow their cover. 

They gather to confer about their next move. Jesse expresses concern at the idea of taking Judith to the quarry and back to retrieve the vehicles, so Father Gabe offers to take her back to his church while they are on their mission. Jesse asks him to take Sam, too, but Sam insists that he won’t leave her and that he is strong enough to keep going. She gives in and keeps her youngest boy close.

Father Gabe promises to keep Judith safe, but I gotta tell you, I think this may be Rick’s worst decision yet. Father Gabe couldn’t protect a houseplant, let alone an infant. 

Sidenote: WHY is Carl still wearing that hat!? How has he managed to hold on to it for so long!? How is it possible that it’s still so crisp and clean!? I. Need. Answers. 

Tarra and Rosita are still in the boarded up house with Carol, Eugene and Morgan. They need to make sure everyone is well before formulating their end of the plan. The Wolf Man has taken Doctor Denise and they’re going to try and escape. Though it quickly becomes clear that this won’t be the easy mission he had envisioned.

Glenn and Enid are in a church trying to find some supplies. She is a loose cannon. Period. She’s survived on her own for this long, I say Glenn should ditch her. Harsh? Yes. But, you know, survival of the fittest and all that shit. 

The Wolf Man looks like he’s going to do something really stupid. He wants them to make a break through the herd for a tower, but Denise tries to convince him that she’ll only slow him down. He won’t let her off so easy, though. 

Glenn and Enid are trying to work out how to get Maggie off of that platform, and she convinces him that she can help, and won’t be left behind. 

It’s dark now, and Rick, Jesse, Sam, Carl, Ron and Michonne are still making their way through the melee of the dead. Sam is gonna freak out. The story Carol told him about being eaten alive is playing through his mind and he stops in the middle of town. They are all trying to coax him back into motion when he gets taken down by some walkers.

Everyone is freaking out now because they are bringing attention to themselves. The walkers hear them but Jesse can’t bring herself to leave her boy and is the next to fall to the dead. Rick, Carl, Ron and Michonne are clearly in shock, and Jesse’s still got a hold on Carl’s arm. Rick chops her hand off and turns around to find Ron with a gun pointed on him. Michonne comes through and slices him through the heart, but when Rick turns around, we find that the shot Ron fired as he was sliced went through Carl’s eye. HOLY SHIT.

Oh my God. I mean, Carl is totally dead, right? Can a person survive a bullet wound through the eye? My only medical knowledge has been supplied by ER, Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice, I truly have no idea what is real and what is fiction. 

We’re back with the group still in the house and Eugene is holding a really large knife. 

He insists that they will find a way out of there, and Rosita tells him that he won’t be a part of the decision making process from here on out. 

The Wolf Man and Zooey Angela, excuse me, Doctor Denise, are still waiting in the little patio to make their move. He tells her that it’s time to go, and that they’re making a break for the guard tower stairs so they can crawl over the wall. 

I want to puke for her. 

They get to their destination and find themselves caught in the throng. 

Wolf Man goes back to help Denise and gets bitten himself. She tells him that if he gets her back to the infirmary, she will save his life. 

We shoot back to Carol who is checking on the scene outside. Morgan comes upstairs to join her and it’s clear she isn’t thrilled to see him. They don’t really see eye-to-eye, after all. 

Morgan starts asking her about Ed and Sophia, and apologizes for hurting her, saying he just had to stop her. Carol tells him that he saved Wolf Man for himself, not for the group. Then she tells him, point blank, that she should have killed him. Yep. She definitely should have. 

Doctor Denise and Wolf Man are preparing for their trek back to the infirmary when they get caught by some walkers. Carol spots her in the crowd and shoots Wolf Man so that she may escape. 

She makes it back to her destination and Heath, Aaron and Spencer are in there waiting for her. They spot Rick running with Carl in his arms and Michonne in tow, and they prepare for emergency surgery in the middle of the apocalypse. 

Knowing that his son is well cared for, Rick decides to go out into the herd and take out his personal grief and frustrations on some walkers. Rick can’t die… right? I mean, this isn’t Game of Thrones, the core characters have made it this far for a reason. Then again… maybe it’s about time for a main member to kick it. I don’t want it to be Carol, Daryl, Maggie or Glenn, so if it has to be Rick… I may be generally okay with it.

Or at least, that’s how I feel right now…

We’ll see if it’s all talk if it actually comes to that. 

Rick has gone out into this mess with literally nothing but a hatchet. Denise asks Michonne not to go to him yet so that she may finish up with Carl and save his son’s life. Once the last suture is placed, though, Michonne, Aaron, Heath and Spencer run to his aid. They are severely outnumbered, but a couple of other neighbors leave their sanctuaries and rush out to help decrease the numbers. 

We find that Father Gabe has made it successfully to safety with Judith in tow. He hands her off to one of his parishioners and grabs a machete to go out and help. They ask him what he’s doing, and he tells them that God has answered their prayers. God will save Alexandria, because he has instilled in them the strength and courage to save it themselves. 

Carol, Eugene, Rosita, Morgan and Tarra grab their weapons and go to join their friends in the fight. 

Glenn and Enid find Maggie completely surrounded by walkers on the tower, and it’s near toppling. Glenn goes to distract the walkers so that Enid can help get her down. 

He’s being completely overtaken and it looks like he is a goner (like, seriously!? AGAIN!?!?!?), when all the walkers around him start dropping like flies. Abraham, Sasha and Daryl are BACK! And holy fuck they have the best timing ever. But did Glenn get away unscathed? He was on the ground with walkers all over him. A scratch or a bite is not out of the realm of possibility. 

The gang’s all here. Honestly, it kind of blows my mind how at ease I feel once they’ve finally all reunited after being away from each other for so long. 

Daryl is pumping the gas from his truck into a lake, he is going to light it on fire, and fire always attracts walkers. This will be a sufficient enough tactic to release them of most of the burden, at least for a while. Oh, and, honestly, who needs a crossbow when you’ve got a bazooka? That’s right, no one. 

Glenn, Rick, Michonne, Morgan, Carol. Daryl, Maggie, Spencer, Heath, Sasha, Abraham, Eugene, Enid, Aaron and the other unnamed neighbors are slicing and dicing with the best of them, and this final fight scene is quite possibly the most beautifully shot scene I’ve ever witnessed on this show. 

Daylight brings an ocean of dead walkers lying in the street, and Rick back to Carl’s bedside. He tells Carl that he was wrong. He didn’t think any of the Alexandrians could survive; but after what he saw today, ie, what they could accomplish together, his faith in their potential has been restored. Deanna was right, after all.

Also, yes, Carl is stable. I have no earthly idea how this is possible, but it stands true nonetheless.

Rick is spilling his figurative guts (yes that has to be qualified regarding this show) and he is begging Carl to wake up so that he can share the new world with him. He wants to show him that it can be good again. 

In that moment, Carl’s hands twitches, and it’s the sign Rick needs to believe in miracles once more. 

I’d like to point out that this is the second goddamn time Carl has been shot and survived. Teenager of Steel, I suppose. 

Shew! That episode was ah-mazing. Amazing. As Chris Hardwick just said, that was quite possibly the best episode yet. Definitely top five, at the very least. The action was amazing, and the characters and story lines were developed perfectly throughout. But tonight, it was the cinematography that truly stood out. It was breathtakingly beautiful. 

Do you think we’ll finally get to meet Jeffrey Dean Morgan‘s Negan next episode? Fuck, I hope so!

Stick with me, Deadheads! I’ll be here for the rest of The Walking Dead‘s magnificent sixth season.