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Nick Tucci Dani Strehle
Senior Content Editor Senior Manager
Yoga is a sacred time to become centered with oneself, despite the chaos that is our day-to-day life. What if your day to day life consisted of hunting down vampires in order to one day rid the world of them? You might need yoga to get back to your center, but then again you might be a freshly auburn-haired Sarah Newlin in an LA studio in this week's True Blood
. If that's the case, you don't deserve to be at peace, in my opinion; but we'll get to that later.
We join Pam scolding Eric after the opening credits. He tells her his careless Hep-V induced death falls in line with those of Godric, Nora, and yes, Sylvie. Wondering who that night be? *Cue flashback* The scene is 1986, that same French vineyard in the Rhone Valley. Sylvie is the latest object of Eric's affection. Soon they are interrupted by a very authoritative Miss Flanagan. She babbles on about how Pam and Eric need to pay homage and such to the Authority but you think it was really about unpaid back-taxes. Eric lands a kiss on Sylvie and a big "Go fuck yourself" to Flanagan. Pam is worried but it's nothing a couple French whores can't fix a few scenes from now.
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Alcide finally gets out of the shower (sorry still no butt shot) to find an empty house. He runs off to Bill's because Sookie practically told him that was the plan with one mention of his name (and her scent). Yet it's too late as they sped off on Bill's covered tracks. Compton talks about being drained saving the vampire's in the camp and now having a "clean slate; one where he doesn't have Sookie's hi-fructose corn syrup blood running through his veins.
We cut to Sam and the Reverend in church, talking (seems to be the theme of the episode). Sam is still reeling from the scene in Saint Alice, and asks the Reverend if having faith did them any good. Looks like the only thing faith saved was that frozen pizza. Lettie Mae runs in crazy as she does, searching for Tara, who was not to paid to be in this episode. Sam and his vamp-guard, Matt, leave the church and start to make their through town, but are soon met by the Bon Temps chain gang. When the bigot brigade calls Matt Sam's "Queer Vampire Bodyguard" and Matt attempts to defend himself he gets a bullet that turns him into a puddle of guts. Sam is now facing the mob alone; and when they tell him to leave town he basically just says a big "Fuck you" and turns into an owl and hoots away.
Wade and Adilyn are saved by Andy and Jessica. Andy and Jessica take them straight to Jason's for safekeeping. Violet has just finished telling Jason how she hates modern men and was drawn to him because she thought he was a warrior like the men of her time when his smoking hot ex girlfriend walks in all heroic and stuff. Jason is ready to help in any way he can while Violet seeks out Jessica to let her know that Jason is "hers." Jessica tells Jason that she believes the angry mob is going after Sookie so they leave Wade and Adilyn in the safety of Jason's home and a caravan of Andy, Violet, Jessica and Jason go on a hunt for Sookie.
James and Lafayette are having a moment in Lala's pad. James is telling him that Jessica really isn't present in their relationship and Lafayette being fabulous, as per usual. We find out that vampires can't swallow pills after Lafayette offers him an array of pharmaceuticals. They solve this problem when Lala takes the pills and James drinks his blood and they both quite literally go to "Lala Land."
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The captives in the basement of Fangtasia are holding some sort of wiccan ritual when a Hep-V vamp comes down and asks who think they're Harry Potter. Holly fesses to the crime and she is taken with them as "trail mix" on their hunt; you know, just in case they can't find any more tasty humans for the basement freezer.
We find Bill and Sookie waiting in an open field. Well, Sookie is in the field, Bill is up above in a tree. They are discussing why she seemed to be looking forward to the impending confrontation. Sookie proceeds to ramble on about some anecdote about how waiting for the bottom to drop out is worse than the actual drop. When Bill is distracted for even a moment, she slices her arm to really maximize her yummy, fairy scent: "...I smell like sunshine and flowers" and yeah... She's asking for it.
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Jason, Andy, Violet and Jessica come upon Sam's abandoned car and are met by the bigot brigade (BB). Hoyt's mama is at the front of the line and is ready to take Jessica and Jason down for hurting her baby boy. When Jessica tries to assure her that Hoyt mattered, Mama gets even more upset. She aims her gun at Jason and Violet rips out her heart before anyone can blink an eye. This successfully causes the BB to scatter like rats. Save a few hiding out in the bushes. Oh and Alcide and Sam also meet up and hear the little douche bags in the bush. They shift and flock off to where their noses caught Sookie's scent.
Pam has convinced Eric to live by telling him that Sarah Newlin is still alive and well. This piques just the right amount of energy and desire in him to get him of the chaise. It's amazing what purpose can do for a person. But before Eric can get to her, we see the same group of men that murdered Sylvia show up at Newmi's (Numi? Newme?) door. She is banging the guru and they have a nice, um, climax together. While she is picking out a bottle of wine her guru gets killed for refusing to reveal her location.
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I for one am torn on the reappearance of Sarah. I LOVE Anna Camp so I'm glad to see her back; but this character is just such an absolute ass-hat that it's hard to even love to hate her.
The Hep-V vamps find their way to Sookie. Bill is tackled and chained before they even know what hit them. But, luckily, the other crew catches up with them right in the nick of time. All of the Hep-V vamps are killed and the threat is thought to have passed. Alcide immediately starts in on Sookie and Bill: How could you be so stupid? How could you LET her be so stupid?
Well, Sookie is actually rinsing her face in the lake (creek?) so that she doesn't inject infected blood. While she is doing this, the great wolf is shot twice; once in the chest, once in the head. His assailant is in the bushes. Lou really should have taken the advice offered to him; he really never will be the same now that he pulled that trigger.
We watch Alcide take his last breath in Sookie's arms. Not even an hour before she confessed to Bill that she knew that Alcide loved her more than she loved him. She told him it made her feel so terrible about herself that she knew they wouldn't last. Perhaps that was a brilliantly masked piece of foreshadowing that everyone missed; because I Sure. As. Fuck. did NOT see that coming!
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So yes Eric is a major player in this game again; but why did they have to do Alcide so dirty?! He was way to good and pretty to die at the hand of a coward with a gun in the woods. Jessica offers to turn Alcide, if Sookie so chooses. She declines as she's "Been down that road before" (Tara). She may not have been head-over-heels-in-love with the gorgeous were, but she cared about him too much to do that to him.
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And thus, the episode ends. In the words of my fellow editor: "That episode of True Blood
was NOT OKAY." No, it surely was not.
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