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Television / Recaps PopWrapped | Television

"True Blood" Season 7 Episode 5 Recap: Lost Underwear And "Lost Causes"

Nick Tucci | PopWrapped Author

Nick Tucci

08/15/2014 6:46 pm
PopWrapped | Television
Media Courtesy of YouTube
We’re halfway through the final season of True Blood and YAY NOBODY DIED THIS WEEK! First, let's have a moment of silence for the ever-heroic werewolf of our dreams, Alcide Herveaux.
OK back to reality, where Fangtasia is getting a thorough clean-up and Eric has ordered that hi-tech coffin FedEx service to take him and Pam to wherever Sarah Newlin is banging yoga instructors now. Luckily, Willa storms in, ripping Pam a new one about Eric abandoning her "since birth." After commanding her to tell him what he knows about her once almost-step-mother, she says she'll only do it if he releases her. He grants her wish, to which Pam compares to "getting kicked in the cooch by a wallaby." Willa reminds them that Sarah has a sister, a sister who lives in Dallas... oh and is also a vampire. Cut to Sookie's house where a remorseful Lafayette comes by to pay his respects. He takes her up to her room where she does what I do almost every weekend, sleep for a day and a half. She wakes up in the middle of the evening, coming downstairs to what looks like Lafayette bought out a Bath & Body Works candle clearance sale. She wonders why they have enough food to choke a horse and he informs her that they're having a party to celebrate life instead of living in mourning. A knock at the door turns up to be a very prompt Bill, flowers in hand, and I must say I DON'T LIKE IT. Stop trying to make Sookie & Bill happen. (It's probably going to happen, but I'm over it before it does.) The Pam and Eric side-story is where the action is this week, and they don't disappoint. We meet Amber Newlin, who tells us of the plight of being Sarah's sister. Once they hear they can find their mark at a Republican fundraiser full of assholes, Eric and Pam assure Amber that they can be assholes. Word of the party apparently got around Bon Temps quickly! We see Lettie Mae begging the Reverend, but he is firm in his stance that she'll only make a drunken mess of herself (FORESHADOWING). All our usual townsfolk were there: Holly, Arlene, that wino lady. Even Violet could be seen having fun but I don't buy it. She's the worst in the world, and proves it by consoling Sookie with memories of numerous dead boyfriends over the centuries. Alcide's father makes a toast to the memory of his son and tells Sookie that she was worth it because a hero doesn't die without a cause to fight for. Lettie Mae, after finding her way out of the house by spiking the Reverend's dinner with a sprinkle of Benadryl, gives a frank speech in honor of Tara, a hero in her own right. An aww-inducing moment. Andy finds Jessica sulking outside (SURPRISE) and gives her the old "life's too short" pep talk. On that note, he asks her for a ring so he can propose to Holly. Jessica has Sookie offer up her grandma's ring, which was left to Jason, but since Violet already knows he's hers and doesn't need a ring (her words not mine), he reluctantly hands it over to Andy. Downstairs, a nervous Sheriff Bellefleur stumbles through his proposal, and a tipsy Holly jumps the gun and says yes before he can even ask the question! Sookie gets a little uncomfortable so Arlene takes her upstairs for a widow-to-widow(ish) conversation over tequila. They go back downstairs, where Arlene starts to cower behind Sookie at the sight of Keith, the vampire who gave her life. He informs her that she's the most beautiful creature he's seen in 300 years, but we all know that's just a line. All this romance is getting James in the mood, but Jessica doesn't want to leave the party til much later. Well, that gives Lafayette plenty of time to STEAL YO MAN! Yes, what we've all been waiting for: Lafayette's unwavering flirtation has gotten through all of James' coy bisexual ambiguity and they finally kiss... which leads to Jessica finding them screwing in the backseat of her car! She runs inside and begs Jason to rescind James' invitation to the house. Clearly seeing her boyfriend being bent over the backseat of an SUV is a deal-breaker for her! Lafayette follows Jessica upstairs, at first to apologize, but then he tells her "if you don't love him let him go and I'll take over from here." Another aww-inducing moment for sure. In a tequila-soaked stupor, Sookie hears Lettie Mae's crazy-ass thoughts about stabbing Willa for some V. While Willa was holding an impromptu job interview with Arlene, good ol' Junkie Mama stabs her from behind with a steak knife. Luckily, Mayor Sam was around to break it up and Lafayette takes his auntie home. Not that the party hadn't turned down enough, Sam's baby momma, who's been mean-mugging all night probably because she can't drink, starts ranting about how all this isn't normal. BYE. Jason tells Jessica upstairs that he's glad Andy took the ring so he wouldn't have to give it to someone like Violet. They kiss, but we all know what that always leads to in True Blood: SCREWING. We all love a gratuitous opportunity to see Ryan Kwanten's ass, and this show never lets us down. We all clench real tight as Violet comes slinking up the stairs, hearing the sounds of passion and more than likely wanting to bash some skulls... but nothing... she walks away. #ThatsGonnaGetYaLater We journey back to Dallas, where Eric is dressing Pam in the finest of Republicunt garments. The jovial tone is soon diminished when she sees the veins on his back starting to spread. Pam now knows that Eric is stage 2 in his Hep-V battle. Upon entering the fundraiser, they quickly spot Mr. Newlin. Pam tries to find Mrs. Newlin, but we see that Sarah finds her first in the women's restroom. Ashamed and scared, Mrs. Newlin wonders what her newly brunette and Buddhist daughter is doing at an event like that. All Sarah had to say was "Yakuza" and her mother knew exactly what kind of danger they were all in. Before Eric even gets a chance to interrogate a glamored Mr. Newlin, the Yakuza bust up the party, guns blazing. Sarah and her mother start to run, but the old battle-axe just can't keep up. Eric actually finds her before the Japanese henchmen do, and wins in a face-off (pun intended) before they can deny him the satisfaction of killing her himself. Back at the bayou, drunken and somber Sookie stumbles to her room, where she finds Alcide's jacket that his father had purposefully left behind. She remembers her talk with Arlene, puts on the jacket, and is soothed to sleep. We had a few flashbacks this episode while Bill was being anti-social at the party. The first, back in the 1800s, where he learns of the Civil War beginning and is soon seen as a Yankee sympathizer because he sees fighting them as a lost cause. Another shows Bill and his family among others attempting to flee Louisiana, and a third glimpse at him and his wife looking at their tombstones, saying, "It's the only way out." To be honest, I think we're all over his way-back-story, and if they're trying to create a twist in Bill's history different from what we've come to know, they really aren't keeping me intrigued. After that final sepia-toned flashback, Bill opens his eyes, gets out of the bathtub (because even dead people want to stay squeaky clean?) and notices the first sign of his Hep-V positive veins. Gasp. Shock. BYE. Keep Up With PopWrapped On The Web!



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