If you missed last week’s True Blood, all you need to know is that TARA IS DEAD. To get your mind off of that harrowing plot twist, the lovely writers gave us what we truly wanted: more Jason and Eric homoerotic love scenes (YAS). Alas, it does turn out to be merely a blood-swapping-caused daydream, with Jason waking up surprisingly aroused in the back pew of church. (I see nothing abnormal with that sentence.)

Residents of Bon Temps seem to meander like zombies, and the Reverend does not let it go unnoticed. He advises Sam to make an announcement about service and how they’ll suffer the wrath of Arlene if she comes back and finds her restaurant still in shambles. Sookie finally mentions that dead girl she literally stumbled upon last night. They find the body of Mary Beth, scavenged by animals that were too dumb to take her wallet. She is from Saint Alice, a town where they don’t pick up the phone for unknown numbers apparently. Sookie recalls a tombstone engraving (she’s there often enough, I would expect a few of them to stick), describing “the brutal indifference of life” as they most likely leave the body to figure out how to save their own town.

Looks like Lettie Mae will be getting plenty of screen time this season, as she goes to see Lafayette in a feigned intention of goodwill. Lafayette won’t even attempt to “speak” to Tara, or anyone for that matter. Lettie Mae takes matters into her own hands later – she actually burns her hand in pork chop grease in order to get some blood from Willa. A defensive and groggy Willa reluctantly obliges to heal her, which allows the crazy momma to see Tara on a white cross with a snake around her shoulders, speaking tongues. (Could this GET any more confusing? Probably.)

Arlene and Holly continue to scream in the Fangtasia basement while one of the vamps gets reprimanded for eating that officer who acts like Don Knotts. An older female vamp is recognized by Arlene, who says it’s the kids’ old teacher, Betty. They barter their lives for the chance of letting Betty’s teaching legacy to live on, and that dumb old lady fell for it! Unfortunately, when Betty come back to free them she needs to feed on Arlene, and before you know it she’s a puddle of melted vampire in Arlene’s lap. Screaming ensues.

Vince gets the townspeople rallied at Bellefleur’s, mentioning Sam’s moonlighting as a dog, to which no one seems shocked about. Adilyn goes to warn Kenya at the precinct but the mob gets there, and, with a little help of “from one black woman to another”, convince her otherwise.

Sookie and the Non-Vamp Allstars, Alcide, Jason, Andy, & Sam, find Saint Alice a ghost town, graffiti on walls and corpses in pits. They get to Mary Beth’s empty home, eat the leftover pizza, read her diary, normal police stuff. As Sookie reads, she has flashbacks of the first time she went with Bill to Fangtasia, and we are reminded of a time when someone changing their clothes didn’t mean we’d see them naked. They basically leave not knowing anymore than they came with, luckily spending just enough time for a mob to start in their hometown. Alcide consoles the ever-ailing Sookie with his beastly kisses and temptations of leaving town, to which Sookie returns the favor by running to Bill’s while Alcide is in the shower (sorry no butt shots).

Pam happens upon her final destination in France with unsurprising disgust (safe to assume it’s a brothel), where she finds a V+ Eric lying in self-deprecation. She obviously has no time for that. Credits commence. Audience looks for more…better luck next week?

The reason this episode was worth it.
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