I tend to experience mixed feels with it comes to award shows. It is inevitable that I will become so vexed by the snubbing of some of my favorite shows and actors (cough cough, The Walking Dead, Steve Carell, cough cough) that I will vow to boycott the entire charade. But then…I will see who is presenting and performing, and the allure of all those pretty dresses is too much for me to handle, and I will simply discard my qualms and tune in like the good little lemming that I am.
Because, really, the awards are superfluous, as every single person who will walk across that stage has pretty much hit life’s great jackpot. Clearly the most important aspect of an awards show is the fashion. And this is why, dear readers, I have compiled this list of who to watch when you’re couching it this year for the 65th Primetime Emmy Awards. Here we go!
I’m going to buck tradition and give you my pick for the worst dressed at last year’s Emmys, first. I’m giving the trophy for absolute worst to Ashley Judd. Girl, this is unacceptable. You are stunning and talented (and just so happen to be an alumnus of my favorite University), and have separated yourself from your tacky family by refusing to give into any possible urge to sport huge, ridiculous country hair and don cheap-looking prom-bombs. This Caroline Herrara dress should be tarred and feathered. Shame on you, Ms. Judd for pandering to peer pressure. This year, I demand that you choose a dress and hair-style that befits your beauty and grace.
What. The. Fu*k? This “dress” is a nightmare. As in, I think some of the zombies that were actually in my nightmare the other night were wearing this exact dress. I get that we all go through different phases, but a woman of your age and stature should not be having a goth phase. Please rectify this before stepping foot on the red carpet come September.
Apparently, January took a note from Ms. Close this year with this goth-glam look gone wrong. There is too much dress here for January to pull off with that svelte, petite figure. It just about gobbles her up. Not to mention, the dress looks unbearably uncomfortable, and she looks a little, well, scary. I wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley.
Is it me, or does Kristin Wiig just look…uncomfortable? Like she doesn’t feel like she really belongs? Honey, you are wonderfully funny, and beyond beautiful. It is time for you to OWN that star-power instead of hiding behind this weird, negligee thing. Get yourself a ball gown and rock that red carpet this year!
I. I just. I don’t. There are no words. The frump factor here is off the charts. Lena, we understand that you’re shtick is your nonconformity, but maybe you could be nonconformist in something a little less…well…fugly. Just because you aren’t one of the normal Hollywood bimbos does not mean that you have to dress like a grandma. Let that freak flag fly and hire a stylist!
This just hurts my eyes. The crazy pattern and contrasting colors make it hard to look at this dress head on. This dress on the pale skin of Margulies washes her out terribly, and that severely slicked-back hair does absolutely nothing for her naturally beautiful face. And, tan lines? Really? You are a television star whose show is nominated. Dress the part! While tan lines on my shoulders aren’t a big deal (since nobody is looking at me or taking my picture), they are unacceptable for a star that has been in this game as long as you have. We expect more from you!
Dear Ms. Vergara: I get it. You’re smoking hot. You are a steamy Latina diva that has curves for days, and firmly believe in “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” Well that is just fabulous, but you know what? I’M BORED! This glittery, voluptuous mermaid look has got to go. It’s been done ten thousand times by…you! Next time, please choose a gown that doesn’t look like it was stolen from the Miss American pageant, and REALLY wow us with your ability to change it up! You’re always going to be gorgeous, that’s not the issue. Now we need to see if you’re fearless, as well.
Ethereal. That is the word I think of when I look at Zooey’s 2012 Emmy dress. She looks like an angel that was sent down from heaven to bless all of the Emmy goers. For her to be able to score a gown that matched those beautiful baby blue eyes of hers perfectly is quite the accomplishment. The sweetheart neckline and flowing tulle, topped with impeccably coifed hair and pink lips is about as close to perfect as it gets. Keep up the good work darling, you are stunning.
I think Hyland is one of Hollywood’s brightest young starlets. She is funny, has great comedic timing, can hold her own against veteran actors, and, oh, did I mention that she’s gorgeous? I’m putting her in the best-dressed category, because, well, look at her. But I would like to see her leave her comfort zone a little bit. She loves the earthy, nude flowing look; and while I am normally a firm believer in the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality, that doesn’t apply to fashion. She is still young and has plenty of time to come into her [fashion] own, but we’re hoping it happens sooner rather than later.
Oh my orange. This look is amazing. That bright tangerine color against Padma’s gorgeous dark skin is too much to handle. She looks absolutely perfect from head to toe. I love that she left her hair down and soft, and that she let the dress do the talking with the minimal accessories. Stunning. Absolutely stunning.
This dress was a bit controversial last year. Heidi is showing a lot of…everything in this Alexandre Vauthier creation. But you know what? WHO CARES?! She’s Heidi Klum, and she looks spectacular. The color, the cut, her body, her face, her hair…it’s amazing! This woman has popped out a gaggle of kids and still looks like a fresh-faced youth. She is amazing, and deserves props for not only taking a fashion risk, but for killing it.
Tina has come a long way. As her star-power continues to rise, so does her fashion prowess. With every red carpet adventure, she improves exponentially. Gone are the boring blacks and the frumpy layers, and here instead we have a smoking hot mama who could make you laugh while she’s making you lust. This Vivienne Westwood gown looks amazing on Tina. The color is superb, and the structured bust with the gold ivy is the perfect contract. Her messy hair and dangly earrings are the perfect accessories and pull the entire look together. Brava, Tina! Our love for you continues to grow.
WINNER!!!!!Nicole Kidman is amazing. She has her hits and misses, just like anyone else, but the predominant theme with this golden goddess is sheer perfection. Last year’s Emmys were no exception to that rule. Her Antonia Berardi gown was hands down the most beautiful and unique of the night. The cut of the gown gave her long and statuesque frame the illusion of being even longer and more statuesque. The gown fit her perfectly, and the aqua embellishments on the top and through the middle are too beautiful for words. She pairs the gown with perfectly straight hair, so that we can clearly see that the beautiful garment is the focal point. Her shoes are perfect, and not completely matchy-matchy, which gives it the perfect contrast. I have no critiques. Not one. Except that I don’t look like Nicole Kidman. Who do I speak to about that?
I’m giving the Honorable Mention to Zachary Quinto for being the best-dressed, and clearly the most fabulous, male of the night. Let’s be honest: tuxedos are boring. Nobody talks about the men’s fashion because they all wear the same thing. But occasionally, a ballsy man surprises us by taking the traditional tuxedo and flashing it up a bit. Just like Quinto did in this gorgeous Dior tux. He eschews basic black, and instead dons a tuxedo in charcoal, with a gray shirt and black bow-tie. He looks fantastic. Maybe some of the other male attendees will take a cue from Zachary this year and mix it up a bit!
There you have it, readers; my list of who to keep your fashion eyes on at this year’s Emmy awards. Do you agree with my choices, or do you think I’ve gotten it all wrong? I’d love to hear your opinions!