Hello, my illegitimate children. It is I, Sharmake Bouraleh, Illustrious Head of “Who the fuck is that?” Inc. and “Why should I care what you’re typing?” Co. You may remember me from such films as “This guy is still talking?” and “Literally who even the fuck are you? Seriously.”
And I’ve come to you with news so exciting, so fantastic and electrifying, so cosmically important that my very bones vibrate with the need and excitement to tell you. Or maybe that’s just early onset arthritis. Who knows.
Pretty sure it’s the former, though.
While I was traversing the mountain rages of Russia, shirtless, and looking for mountain lions to slay and bears to wrestle
, I was forced (read: chose, for I fear not even Mother Nature!!!) to seek shelter in a cave from a spontaneous blizzard sent by a spiteful Mother Nature (we go waaaayyyyy back; I knew her when she was a virgin. I also rejected her affections, and she’s been bitter about it to this day and been trying to have all of nature kill me. She’s a tad
bit clingy, but a good girl nonetheless. I’ve been meaning to set her up with Father Time, but then again he never was the most patien…wait, enough of this! Off topic!
). However, with my amazing cosmic luck, the cave I sought refuge in was none other than the abode of Baba Yaga!
Lady Baba Yaga, mortar and pestle and all, stood before me. When I asked why she was in a cave instead of a hut with a chicken leg at its base, she replied casually that this was her summer home. Turns out the blizzard was well within normal parametres for summer weather. I did
think it was a tad bit warm.
Anyways, she told me that I was wasting my time wrestling bears and slaying mountain lions, even if she did appreciate the shirtless sight of me. Ignoring some very creepy yet flattering things she said, she revealed to me the true purpose of my journey, one previously unknown to me:
To expose the talents of Adam Clark to the world. Then the solar system. Then the cosmos. Universe. And finally the multi-universe(s?), including the one where I am Mariah Carey and Ariana Grande is treated as her own person instead of a carbon copy.
But I digress.
This brings me to the main point of this article. Adam Clark is a good friend of mine. Great, I’d say. Amazing person, kind soul, fantastic presence, and he knows how to keep a party going. This guy is a charismatic magnet, and draws people towards him as though he has his own gravitational pull. Well, technically he does.
Because he’s a star.
Well, at least in the making. But I have no doubt in my (obviously vastly superior to mortals and evolutionarily advanced, objective) mind that Adam has the potential, talent, determination and grit to become a massive influence in every area of media he’s worked in. Hell, dude’s even started up a company named Toronto Sound
with his buddy and all-around good dude Aaron Gaistman, and worked with big name partners like West Jet, British Airways, Canadian Tire and more. Adam has worked hard on a revolutionary and unique, refreshing and touching, insightful and thought-provoking zombie movie that serves as the prologue to what will be a webseries if it takes off.
(the title of the series) focuses upon a man trying to navigate and survive in a post-apocalyptic world while caring for his young son and trying to give him the best chance at (post?) life he can. He will go through trials and tribulations, challenges and choices, and face inner demons and some outward ones too.
You can check out the teaser clip for the film here:
And the full trailer here:
Ain’t that shit epic?
Adam has put his blood, sweat, and tears (and I’m pretty sure part of his soul) into this project. You can tell. I can tell. He, she, xe, they can tell. We can tell. It’s evident in the amazing work that the trailer displays.
With the help of friends and family, Adam has brought forth from his loins a fantastic and immersive world that will grip you from the beginning and keep you in a zombie’s death grip until the end. It will have you clamoring for more, the way zombies clamor for braaaaaiiinnnnssssss.
It will make you feel more alive than you’ve ever been, just like the zombies when…wait, okay, maybe that’s a bad example.
Mr. Clark will captivate, capture and control the way you think about the world and zombie movie cliches. He will challenge, reinvent and subvert what you’ve come to accept as real and cause you to question everything you know about zombies. Terror, horror, drama, angst. This film’s got it all, and because we all know humans are pretty much the most masochistic species ever, and we’re all looking for “the feelz” (which I believe is code/youth slang for “agonizing pain and self-inflicted unbearable emotion”), I have no doubt you’ll all be lining up to watch the beginning of the end. Everything will happen in only a
, so why are you chancing wasted time?
Fellow Canadians: are you tired of the United States/America getting the gets content online, but when you try to view it, it says “Sorry, the video you are trying to watch is currently unavailable from your location” as though we live in the Trans-Neptunian Object Belt or something. We are literally above you, America, you are our pants…
Well, Canadians, this is your change to get back at them. YEAR is a Canadian project, and the launch party will premiere
VIRGIN MOBILE MOD CLUB.
There will be drinks, entertainment, and a helluva time to be had. Party like it’s the apocalypse, ayyy!!!
Tickets can be bought from the YEAR series official website
(complete with a better description of what you can expect), or directly through this link
. Tickets bought online are $5, and $10 at the door. However, you can get in free
if you dress up like a zombie! Tickets are limited, so hurry up and get yours while supplies last!
Once (I say once, not if
) YEAR becomes a smash success, there will be a kickstarter created to help crowd fund what will be a memorable and genre-changing webseries. Adam Clark will be the new Alfred Hitchcock, the new George A. Romano, the new
The kickstarter will go up on January 28th, and it is here I humbly beseech that thy fairness and soft and tender heart donate or pledge what thy can. I am so moved by thy future generosity that it has transporteth me to ye old mindset and language. For none can express how holy and reverent your act of kindness and support doest fill my heart with joy, sandwiching you betwixt the Queen Mother Beyonce and the Singer Goddess Mariah. Blessed Be.
Please, please please
consider donating to the kickstarter when it goes up and making a good man’s dream come true.
Also, if my heart-felt supplication hasn’t moved you, perhaps my death scene will. My first acting credit, and in a zombie movie no less (how awesome is that?).
Yes, it is true, I the magnificent and venerable Sharmake A. Bouraleh do have a scene in this movie as a ravenous and rather gloriously beautiful zombie HZIC (Head Zombie In Charge). Okay, so maybe I’m not the head zombie, but I’m after your head full of brains, ’cause I’m a zombie. So there. You get to see how fantastic and amazingly pleasing in aesthetic I am.
Donate to this movie, and you get to see me killed, because I just know
you all have been wanting this for quite some time. Especially you,
crap Crepé LaBouche
Help create a buzz! Follow the Facebook
, and YouTube
, use the hashtag#YEARseries
to show your obviously rabid excitement, and help a man who deserves the world help end it in a bath of blood, brains and badassery. You’ve got the power, my beloved little Poppets. Do the right thing.
Check back sometime next week for an exclusive interview with the man behind the mythos, Adam Clark! Stay tuned for epicness!
This is Sharmake Bouraleh, signing out and heading to Costco so he can survive the oncoming and inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. He’s so scared, he’s already started talking about himself in the third person.
Happy new YEAR!
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