There is no such thing as complaining too much about how much Aunt Flo is a raging twat. Literally. The ladies of PopWrapped hoisted their ovaries high, compiling a list of things that make the glorious miracle of menstruating the WORST THING EVER.
1. Pads and tampons are expensive.
The tampon tax is a steaming pile of elephant shit.
2. It’s so uncomfortable.
Nobody likes the feeling of involuntarily peeing your pants. With blood.
3. You have to schedule life around it.
Oh, you have a gyno visit today? NOT ANYMORE!
4. Cramps and bloating.
An army of cleat-wearing porcupines are performing Riverdance on your uterus.
5. Replacing bed sheets and underwear is ALSO expensive.
Nothing like waking up in a pool of crimson anger and hormones.
6. You’re already bleeding ffs, nobody wants to have to clean up their messes.
I’m not some goddamn menstruation Cinderella.
7. The first time you actually get your period.
WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG I’M DYING MAKE IT STAHP.
8. “She’s on her period” is used against someone who’s just sticking up for themselves.
Say it again… I dare you.
9. Your 1st tampon.
Just another convenient way for nature to scar you for life.
10. No sex for a week.
When the kitty can’t come out to play, it’s a sad day(s).
11. Sneaking by people in crowded areas, trying not to crinkle paper.
Is anyone watching me stash this long cotton stick into my shirt sleeve? No? Good.
12. Judgmental stares at the store, because pads and tampons are usually grouped with condoms.
Excuse your face, jerk.
13. The paranoia of swimming.
Ah, great! Just what I’ve always wanted!
14. Awkward conversations with guys.
Period. Menstruation cycle. Monthly visitor. Aunt Flo. The Crimson Tide. Shark Week. Carrie at the prom. Red Wedding. Rusty pipes. Parting the Red Sea. Riding the cotton pony.
15. Spotting – you think its done, but it’s not.
Not this shit again.
16. The moment when you realize you were PMSing last week and feel the need to apologize to civilization for your actions.
I didn’t burn any bridges in the past 7 days, did I?
17. Sneezing.
Oh God, did it leak through?!
18. You don’t get a timeout from reality like if you were sick.
Crapping your pants = sick day. Soaking an overnight pad in an hour = get your ass to work.
19. Needing a friend around to check your pants, making sure you haven’t bled through.
I got your backside, yo.
20. When you’re out in public, and caught without supplies.
Perfect timing, lady parts.
21. Clots.
Yeah. It isn’t just liquids. Fun.
22. Most of all… you’re fucking bleeding. And there’s no off button.
I hate everything.
