Staff Writer
For those of you who have Time Warner cable and may be more than pissed about missing this episode of Dexter, my heart goes out to you. In theory, you didn’t miss too much, but there was a lot of improvements since the last episode! This was the best episode of this season so far!
Seriously, this part of tonight’s episode took way too long to come about, but at least Batista isn’t as much of a fucking dumbass as I had once thought. He finally took a look through all those boxes in his living room and now he is starting to suspect that Debra killed Maria. He and Deb have a lot of back and forth, and now it seems that Dexter may have to decide between keeping Debra alive or keeping his ass out of prison. Sadly, all of this makes it seem like Dr. Creepy Vogel was on to something in regards to how much Dexter loves his sister by putting their love to the test.
Jamie FINALLY got that fucking clue she needed and kicked Quinn’s ass to the curb, and then made a pass at daddy Dexter. Elway hung himself because he was a boring dick and his storyline was completely pointless and then some!
It would be awesome if this was what REALLY happened in the episode, but alas, it’s not! Sorry to lead you all on, but I can’t help but wish that really happened! I know it seems like this season has been one sleepy episode after another, and you may be getting the feeling that it is never gonna pick and finally go somewhere. However, there are many sources that have confirmed that it will finally pick up. Also, the finale is being filmed in a secret location and that all cast and crew have been told to strip all Dexter logos so that no one will know what’s gonna happen.
Here’s what really went down in Sunday’s episode:
1.) Masuka is STILL creepy: This comes as no surprise to me, and perhaps even less of a surprise to you fans out there. Masuka starts to think that Nikki is after his money because he not only spied on her, but noticed that she never pays for anything. He told her that ‘I don’t mean to sound creepy, but I think I like you.” That doesn’t go over so well, as he follows up his bold statement by attempting to give her a check for five grand. She gets offended and leaves him high and dry.
2.) Elway’s Brother/Sister Relationship: Just when you start to think that Debra and Dexter are about as fucked up as they come, that’s when you fall into the Elway storyline. Don’t forget about the cold Batista twins! Elway still bores me to tears, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Elway decides to use Deb as a way of entrapping his sister’s boyfriend, as he is convinced that he is cheating on her and intends on proving it. Deb gets all dolled up and goes to the bar to pick up on the sleazebag. As the plan starts to work, Elway freaks the fuck out and runs in to punch his sister’s boyfriend, and then blackmails him into breaking up with his sister. Perhaps that show cheaters should be using Debra Morgan to catch cheaters. They would have a very high success rate!
3.) Harrison Commits A Crime: It was only a matter of time before this happened, and all I can say is, like father like son! Harrison breaks the TV remote, and then chooses to hide the remains of the remote under his bed. Dexter isn’t only upset by this, but he begins to fret about whether or not he should be worried about his lying. Relax Dex, it’s only a TV remote. Save the worries for when he hides a dead cat under that bed of his. In the end of all that, Harrison went and got his blood splattered teddy after daddy tried to get rid of it.
4.) Vogel, You Suck: I know the whole thing with Yates being the Brain Surgeon didn’t go the way you wanted it to, but you’re really starting to piss me off! Why the fuck does Dexter need to teach the code to creepy teen guy Zach just because you don’t like that Dexter defies you every chance he gets. The code was only meant for Dexter! Whatcha gonna do, teach it to every guy that shows promise as a serial killer?!
5.) Batista ACTUALLY Does The Right Thing: Waiting for this guy to come to his senses is like waiting for your number to come up at the DMV, it’s painful and unnecessary. I’ve enjoyed the fact that Matthews hasn’t let Batista forget about this and forced Batista to get off his sorry ass and finally make a choice about who will be the new sergeant. As predicted, Batista chooses Miller over Quinn. Quinn was rightfully pissed that Batista made him bust his ass to get promoted, and it was all for nothing! Quinn does his best to stalk Zach (creepy teen guy) but fails as he’s lured away from the stakeout by Dexter manipulating Jamie to invite Quinn over to her place. I guess Quinn didn’t really want to prove himself to be worthy of the sergeant job.
6.) Zach Hamilton Is Creepy: I can’t even begin to explain this. He stalks around crime scenes, he kills maids, and has a lot of crime scene porn to even make Dexter turn away in complete disgust and that’s saying quite a bit if you ask me. The little asshole might as well be walking around wearing a t-shirt that says “I Wanna Be A Serial Killer!”. Dexter gets Zach with the M99, and just then Quinn shows up! Quinn says he knows Dexter is playing Detective and Dexter says “You caught me.”
7.) The Bitch Is Back: I was really hoping to not see Hannah again, but that was clearly asking too much! Dexter had creepy teen guy wrapped in plastic, and he then realizes that this little shit could make a really great intern (facepalm). Just like he did with Hannah, he stupidly lets this boy go! Dexter and Deb talk about their days and what happened, when they both become very sleepy and then Hannah comes in! Anyone want to venture a guess as to how Deb and Dex will get out of being poisoned by Hannah?
I’m going to take a moment to make my prediction for the finale of Dexter. I’ve got so many different theories, but this is the only one that really seems to stand out in my mind. I really want to know what all of your predictions are as well, so please share them! In the end, I think that Dexter will make the ultimate sacrifice by giving himself up in order to save Debra, proving to Dr. Creepy Vogel once and for all that he is in fact human and capable of having feelings and emotions, with saving Debra being the best human act he could ever do, being completely selfless. Dexter said back in season 1 that if he could ever have feelings for anyone, it would be Debra.
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