Terminator Genisys makes a strong case for Arnold Schwarzenegger being the first actor to donate his body to CGI before dying. The moment when the real Arnold and the computer-generated, much younger and hotter, version of himself meet for battle is the best acting performance in the film, and it’s the CGI incarnation that delivers.

And reminds us of just what a presence Arnie was when he was younger, sexy, and had a sense of humor about himself rather than parody.

In fact, having Schwarzenegger appear only in CGI format would have solved at least one of the most ludicrous technical inconsistencies: if a Terminator can repair itself from practically any physical blow, why does Arnold only repair himself to the point of having Willie Nelson’s complexion? WTF?!

And that’s just one of a myriad of bizarre plot lurches, plenty enough to fill an entire season of Lost. It is honestly incomprehensible and struts about like we’re getting mythology worthy of Tolkien.

One of the only scientific plot-points that makes any kind of sense is that, when time traveling, one has to be completely naked and have a fabulously hot torso. The former because you don’t wanna mix the cells of clothing fiber with human DNA during the transfiguration. The latter because so many people have to witness the nudity of the time-traveler through the process. The whole headache is a puzzle not worth solving. It feels like riding a theme park ride in a foreign tongue–you can only barely make out what’s going on, but you know you should be having fun. And like a dinner guest that’s had too much to drink, it won’t stop…TALKING.

The first six months of this year brought such an unusual amount of big-budget tent-pole movies from Hollywood of strangely superior quality (Cinderella, Fast & Furious, Avengers, Inside Out), that it’s a shame there’s a summer storm of dreck (Ted II, Tomorrowland, Magic Mike XXL, and this). This film is not only unnecessary, but unworthy of its roots.

Full disclosure: I cannot tell you a lie or the ending of this convoluted crap because I left ninety minutes in. That’s right , ninety. But it wasn’t a total wash, because I learned two very important things:

1) The only thing harder than going from being a film star to political office is trying to go back to being a film star.

2) My freedom is worth losing $11.50 to escape.

Awful. Just God-awful.

(Loudinni specializes in reviews you can read in under a minute without revealing too much of the plot.)