Lead Events Editor
After a weeklong break we’re finally back to the topsy-turvy world of Wonderland. Alice still searches for her beloved Cyrus but her Knavish friend is looking for a long-lost love as well: The Red Queen aka Anastasia. When their paths finally cross, you better believe heads will roll. Except not really because even though the villains effectively capture their prey, they do almost nothing to them and even freely let them go. We do lose a beloved character though and get some juicy scenes between my new Wonderland OTP: Will and the Red Queen. Also, we learn via icky hookups and daddy issues that Wonderland’s writers have been watching way too much Game of Thrones. So without much further ado, “The Serpent.”
We begin many years ago in Agrabah. A blacksmith beats and yells at his slave boy for taking too long with some coal. The boy cowers and as much as I want this to be little Aladdin, it’s pretty clear right away that this is young Jafar. He’s also pretty ballsy because when everyone else in the market turns away from a beautiful sorceress who wanders through, Jafar stares straight at her. He follows her later to her door where he begs her to teach him dark magic. He wants people to fear him like they do her and he wants revenge on the Sultan. Jafar is supposedly the Sultan’s son but was cast out for being a bastard and now he wants some payback. Whoa this got Game of Thrones-y real quick. Credits.
In the Red Queen’s palace, Jafar materializes with some new perfectly coiffed hair. He’s perturbed that she didn’t tell him about the Knave but she brushes it off. The Knave coming with Alice wasn’t intentional but he was helpful in getting the girl to Wonderland. Now that he’s served his purpose though, Jafar is ready to eliminate him. Judging by the look on her face, the Red Queen might have some issues with that.
Hey speaking of issues, Will and Alice are arguing again, now about the Red Queen and the White Rabbit. Will wants to fool the Rabbit into telling them everything but Alice would rather hold the bunny over a cliff. Some debt collectors sent by the Caterpillar interrupt their exhaustingly boring bickering. When Alice stupidly asks what they should do, Will quips, “Well basically we could die or we could run.” Running quickly turns to Will volunteering as a distraction to lead the Collectors away from Alice, which works quite well.
While his love plays hide and seek in the forest, Cyrus grovels in his cage for a scrap of food. Even a bone would suffice, he pleads. A guard takes pity, for…reasons. But Cyrus didn’t want the food after all, just the wishbone.
Back to the forest, Will is feeling pretty proud of himself for evading the Collectors until he sees that they have all been knocked out. The Red Queen is appears to greet her old lover.
In Agrabah, grown up Jafar is being happily entertained by the stories of his goat herder. After giving the man some wine in thanks for his hard work, Jafar goes indoors to complain to Mistress Dark Sorceress about wanting to learn the spells in her book (if you know what I mean). This includes a spell that requires a human liver… which she’s just procured for them from Jafar’s goat herder friend, who is slowly being poisoned by the wine. Mistress Dark Sorceress gives Jafar a creepy analogy about them being like snakes who need to shed their skin and asks him if he’s ready to be reborn. Just as Jafar sets down the poison’s antidote, the man dies. Dark Sorceress #1 congratulates Jafar on being reborn and they celebrate by making out. So many levels of ewewewewew!
Back in Wonderland, Teedledee/dum informs Jafar that the Red Queen has captured Will. In fact she’s interrogating him right now but to little effect. He isn’t fooled by Anastasia’s act and she’s clearly threatened by his knowledge of her past. But she’s got the upper hand what with him being locked up and all.
Elsewhere, Alice approaches the Caterpillar’s abode but a female Debt Collector tells her Will isn’t there because the Red Queen got him. Elizabeth aka Lizard offers to come with Alice, who is initially reluctant, but then agrees for reasons unspecified.
Palace. The Queen plays a gigantic game of chess (I’m sure this is symbolic but I can’t think how…) and Jafar congratulates her on capturing the Knave. She thinks having Will locked up is enough but Jafar wants his head on the chopping block as a warning to everyone in Wonderland. Her reluctance clues Jafar in to some of the Red Queen’s hidden feelings for Will so Jafar threatens her for real. Kill the Knave or…well presumably he’ll kill her, not that he says it. It’s implied I guess.
Flashback. Post make out (or more) Jafar and Mistress Sorceress read about genies and the spell of the Three Genies. Casting it would make them two the most powerful sorcerers ever. Jafar is just lousy with loyalty to his Mistress and she is serpentine with her words, proclaiming to love him. More hanky panky commences and I cringe in complete disgust once again.
In the present, Jafar looks on with glee at the two genie lamps he already has. Cyrus is the only one missing apparently. The genie himself has been whittling the wishbone into a Wonderland shank but arouses the attention of the guard who takes the bone away, dropping it down the pit.
While en route to Will, Alice and Lizard trade stories about their friend. Lizard denies any romance with Will, saying they just “ran together.” She also mentions Anastasia, saying that she’s the reason Will really left Wonderland. Seriously, is there anyone out there that didn’t already figure this out?
Anastasia might have ruined Will’s life before but right now she’s trying to help save it. Barely concealing some real emotions, she tells him that the Rabbit is going to come take Will back to safety (aka Storybrooke). He refuses to go, even daring her to kill him. Queenie isn’t the type to be bossed around though so she accepts that challenge.
Pretty quickly word of Will’s execution is posted throughout the land, catching Alice and Lizard’s eyes along the way. They head to the courtyard where the executioner is taking practice swings with watermelons and launching the cut fruit via catapult. The Queen appears to much applause but she looks a bit nauseated. Tweedledee/dum reports that Alice is in the courtyard but Jafar doesn’t want her captured. He wants to see how far she’s willing to go to get what she wants.
Flashback. Jafar finds the owner of one of the genies but the guy isn’t ready to give up his last wish. Then he guy stupidly puts his hands on the bar where Jafar promptly stabs him. Twice. So the guy wishes that Jafar can’t hurt him anymore thus revealing the location of the genie. Jafar smirks and collects the lamp while the man reveals an even deeper stupidity by calling the Jafar a bastard. So Jafar calls in his bed buddy who does something unforeseen but terrible to the man.
In the courtyard the crowd calls for the Knave’s head as he’s thrust onto the chopping block. The executioner raises the ax and swings down…to cut Will’s hand ties. How did the ax cut with such precision? No time for logic people! Executioner Alice and the Knave catapult themselves to safety. No, seriously. They catapult over the wall. I start to grow concerned that my eyes will get stuck if I keep rolling them so hard. Commercial.
Away from the courtyard but now trapped in the Queen’s maze, Alice and Will meet up with Lizard. They try to make a fun for it but Jafar surfs in on his carpet to block their way. Can we get a Beach Boys jingle every time this happens? Anyway, with the Red Queen blocking the other way, the trio is trapped. Lizard, who has been completely useless this whole time, proves her expendability by being magicked unconscious by Jafar in about 2.5. Then he puts the force choke on Will. The Knave manages to gasp out Anastasia’s name and his ex-lover is nearly frantic when she tells Alice to use a wish. The girl complies, saying she wishes for herself to die if Will dies. Now Jafar is forced to stop because he needs Alice to use her wishes.
Perhaps frustrated by this one step forward, two steps back business, Jafar indulges in some torture with Alice but she won’t give in. He lets her go but in his cruelest deed yet, turns to stone the Knave and everything good about this show. Then Jafar promises to hurt everything and everyone that Alice cares about so that she’ll be forced to make her wishes. Alice confronts Anastasia about her completely lack of help but the Queen rightfully points out that Alice and reverse Will’s condition with a simple wish. Then she lets the girl go because it’s hard to have a show when all of you main protagonists are imprisoned.
A triumphant Jafar gloats to Cyrus about Alice using her first wish. Flashing back, a similarly victorious Jafar toasts with Mistress Sorceress about locating a genie in Agrabah. Soon he’ll have what he needs to begin the spell. Yes, he means just him because he poisoned Mistress, who he suddenly calls Amara. See, he’s stealing her magical essence with a potion. More accurately he’s transforming her into a snake, which he then makes into his special golden staff so that she’ll be with him always. A romantic at heart, clearly.
Back in his cage, Cyrus still has the other half of his wishbone. He gives a long, symbolism heavy explanation about wishbones always needing to find their other half. He uses his half to recall the dropped portion, which begins to cut through his cage’s bottom as it tries to fuse together. Meanwhile, the Red Queen secretly visits the Stone Will, Alice looks despondent and Jafar’s staff’s eyes blink.
Rabbit Trails
Are we going to get an explanation as to why Alice’s death wouldn’t nullify her magical contract with Cyrus or are we just supposed to accept the fact that it won’t?
Jafar lectures the Red Queen about her “affairs” getting in his way. Um, I don’t think Jafar is one to talk about anyone’s affairs considering he was getting it on with his evil mentor.
Yes, Mistress Sorceress loves Jafar so much that she gave him a liver and some very psychologically troubling sex.
Honestly, did I miss where Mistress Sorceress was called Amara somewhere before the end of the episode? Or was that some kind of significant reveal that totally went over my head?
Will to Anastasia when she’s trying to free him: “You’re a terrible person who does terrible things to people.” Sheesh! What did she do to the poor guy?
An intriguing moment between the Red Queen and Alice: “You are in prison,” Queenie says, “What do you think Wonderland is?”
Before Jafar leaves after gloating to Cyrus, he bows ever so briefly to the old man caged beside the genie. Could this be the Sultan/his father?
Will explaining to Anastasia why he and Alice aren’t an item: “I’m clearly not attracted to nice, normal women.”
So Lizard’s purpose in this episode was to…?
http://www.Twitter.com/PopWrapped
https://pop-wrapped.tumblr.com
http://www.SoundCloud.com/PopWrapped
http://www.Facebook.com/PopWrapped
http://www.Instagram.com/PopWrapped
http://www.Pinterest.com/PopWrapped
http://www.YouTube.com/PopWrapped
https://pop-wrapped.wordpress.com
http://www.PopWrapped.com
Author
