There is no such thing as complaining too much about how much Aunt Flo is a raging twat. Literally. The ladies of PopWrapped hoisted their ovaries high, compiling a list of things that make the glorious miracle of menstruating the WORST THING EVER.
1. Pads and tampons are expensive.
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The tampon tax is a steaming pile of elephant shit.
2. It’s so uncomfortable.
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Nobody likes the feeling of involuntarily peeing your pants. With blood.
3. You have to schedule life around it.
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Oh, you have a gyno visit today? NOT ANYMORE!
4. Cramps and bloating.
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An army of cleat-wearing porcupines are performing Riverdance on your uterus.
5. Replacing bed sheets and underwear is ALSO expensive.
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Nothing like waking up in a pool of crimson anger and hormones.
6. You’re already bleeding ffs, nobody wants to have to clean up their messes.
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I’m not some goddamn menstruation Cinderella.
7. The first time you actually get your period.
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WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG I’M DYING MAKE IT STAHP.
8. “She’s on her period” is used against someone who’s just sticking up for themselves.
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Say it again… I dare you.
9. Your 1st tampon.
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Just another convenient way for nature to scar you for life.
10. No sex for a week.
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When the kitty can’t come out to play, it’s a sad day(s).
11. Sneaking by people in crowded areas, trying not to crinkle paper.
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Is anyone watching me stash this long cotton stick into my shirt sleeve? No? Good.
12. Judgmental stares at the store, because pads and tampons are usually grouped with condoms.
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Excuse your face, jerk.
13. The paranoia of swimming.
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Ah, great! Just what I’ve always wanted!
14. Awkward conversations with guys.
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Period. Menstruation cycle. Monthly visitor. Aunt Flo. The Crimson Tide. Shark Week. Carrie at the prom. Red Wedding. Rusty pipes. Parting the Red Sea. Riding the cotton pony.
15. Spotting – you think its done, but it’s not.
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Not this shit again.
16. The moment when you realize you were PMSing last week and feel the need to apologize to civilization for your actions.
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I didn’t burn any bridges in the past 7 days, did I?
17. Sneezing.
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Oh God, did it leak through?!
18. You don’t get a timeout from reality like if you were sick.
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Crapping your pants = sick day. Soaking an overnight pad in an hour = get your ass to work.
19. Needing a friend around to check your pants, making sure you haven’t bled through.
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I got your backside, yo.
20. When you’re out in public, and caught without supplies.
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Perfect timing, lady parts.
21. Clots.
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Yeah. It isn’t just liquids. Fun.
22. Most of all… you’re fucking bleeding. And there’s no off button.
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I hate everything.
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