Bec Heim
Managing Editor

Happy Thanksgiving, Gleeks!

I’m currently dragging myself out of my turkey and stuffing induced coma to bring you tonight’s Glee-cap. Because if you’re like me and had to explain multiple times why you majored in English over pre-law to family members in various states of inebriation, then you need a good laugh.

You’re welcome. I live to serve.

Tonight’s episode promises to be a doozy with puppet hallucinations rampant, Blaine as the New Rachel getting a good old fashioned chewing out by the glee club, Sue wearing high heels, and “What Does The Fox Say?” being performed as it should be since it was popular for a hot minute several months ago.

Guys didn’t I just have this talk about not doing stuff that will date the show horribly in the twerking episode? Because I’m pretty sure that I did.

At least, unlike the twerking, it promises to be hilarious rather than uncomfortable.

Don’t look at me. I love this insane shit. My favorite moments of Glee have to do with body swapping and superheroes. I have no shame in regards to this stuff. I have a list of songs that everyone seems to be confused by that the cast covered that I secretly adore for their hilarity value.

And yes one of them is “Let’s Have A Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time,” which I listened to multiple times today. Because nothing says Thanksgiving than the mental image of Lea Michele singing with a presumably straight face “It’s turkey lurkey time.” I have no clue why it cracks me up the way it does but oh man does it.

So if the X-Factor ends on time this year, let’s sit down and watch this show. I got my chocolate crème pie and my Sprite-Sangeria bastard lovechild that I am calling Sprite-geria.

I am ready for anything.

Plots

Who Made Blaine King Of Anything? (It’s All In The Puppets): This week our focus is on Blaine’s control issues. With Will preparing for a school inspection, Blaine tries to exert control over glee club in regards to Nationals. All of his ideas have the focus squarely on himself since he is a senior and the New Rachel. (There are like four other seniors who would probably like a spotlight too Blaine.) Everyone calls Blaine out on being controlling which leads to Blaine pouting in a corner. Kurt tells him later that he can be a bit of a “puppet master.” Blaine really sticks on this phrasing. With the help of a gas leak, he has an hallucination where he imagines all his glee mates as adoring puppets who will do anything he says. Although mostly everyone thinks he’s still pouting. Fueled by this vision, Blaine makes a puppet version of Kurt. Sue immediately confiscates it due to the fact that it’s creepy as all hell to carry around an adoring puppet version of your fiancé and have conversations with yourself. Blaine tries to rescue puppet!Kurt from Sue’s office but she sticks him in detention. This causes Blaine to miss Pamela Lansbury’s big debut. When he tells Kurt the reason why, Kurt is rightfully creeped the fuck out and tells Blaine that he is a PERSON and not someone to be controlled. In detention, with the help of puppet!Becky and puppet!Jake, Blaine almost has a moment of depth when he says that it’s a little troubling that he can feel like himself around people he can control. Rather than actually go along with this, the glee club meets in secret off screen and decide to give Blaine lead and creative control on one song. Blaine then promises that he is going to try to be a better leader rather than a control freak. Kitty is unsure of this.

Queen Of The Sue Stream (Dance With Me Darling): Sue is ready to claim her rightful place as Principal of McKinley High. She will rain unholy terror down on the heads of anyone who will try to stop her. First though, she wants to go out with the new Superintendent. He, however, is the most oblivious man alive and calls her “dude” before inviting her out for a beer. Sue is upset because of her perceived lack of femininity. She tells Becky that before she used to dress more girly but no one took her seriously. So with a haircut and a track suit, she became the Sue Sylvester we all know today. Still she decides to try the more womanly route. She goes to Will for help. Will tells her about how Ginger Rogers was one of the best dancers in the world and was also a pinnacle of feminine beauty. He also wants six hundred dollars for costumes at Nationals. Sue refuses to give him the cash. Will refuses to teach her. The gas leak strikes and Sue has her own Astaire-Rogers dance duet with Will. Finally, Sue goes to Unique and asks for help despite being horrible to Unique in the past. Unique agrees because why not? The new feminine Sue shows everyone around. Figgins tries to take control by revealing the gas leak. Sue says that the hallucination tipped her off and she fixed the leak herself. She is named principal by the school board. When she asks out the superintendent, however, he turns her down.

The Lad Is A Tramp (Your Janet Jackson Fantasy): Jake is continuing to be a total ass following his break-up with Marley. He’s still sleeping around and being “You want bad boy? I’ll show you bad boy.” Bree also seems pissed at Jake’s manwhore ways. Blaine tells Jake about the magic hallucinations spot in the choir room. Jake has his own hallucination that involves a lot of great dancing and being a bad boy to Janet Jackson music. He tells Bree that they aren’t dating. Bree pulls him aside and tells him that she’s pregnant. Except she’s not really pregnant, when Jake skips detention to take her to the doctor, Bree tells him she got her period. Does anyone know how to use contraception at McKinley? Maybe that should be Sue’s first order of business: better sex ed classes. Bree then calls Jake out for being a loser and a deadbeat, which is kind of calling the kettle black there Bree. Jake realizes what he has lost in giving into temptation and tries to reconcile with Marley. Marley, however, is not accepting. She tells him that he is a good friend and teammate but that she can’t trust him anymore. That whatever was between them is gone.

Dance Apocalyptic Pamela Lansbury (Into The Groove With Kurt Hummel): Kurt has summoned a meeting of Pamela Lansbury. He reveals to them that he has booked their first gig at Callbacks, the NYADA student hangout. Santana, Dani, and Elliot are worried that debuting at Callbacks may make them seem more Broadway rather than debuting somewhere else and establishing a different identity. But Kurt has a vision though. It turns out to be wrong when only one person shows up to their debut. Everyone is a little pissed at Kurt for this. Rachel, later, tries to gather support for Kurt saying that this is mainly about having fun. Elliot agrees saying that the band is about having a good time rather than fame and that he trusts Kurt’s vision as the leader. Kurt comes in with apology cronuts and good news. The one person who showed up was the right one person. He taped the performance and took it to his nephew who loved their sound and wants them to play at a popular Williamsburg bar. Then Blaine sends puppets of the New York people to them.

Random Thoughts/Favorite Moments
How can Ian Brennan say all that without losing breath?

Absolute anarchy erupts. And now everyone turns on Blaine. Who storms up and pouts in a hissy fit.

Callbacks? Really Kurt?

Yes apparently we are back to the Madonna thing, Elliot.

Kurt…Kurt honey. Nooo…NOT CALLBACKS! LISTEN TO EVERYONE! Why does no one listen?!

Kurt and Elliot have such chemistry.

OhmyGod eighties McKinley is hilarious. Figgins with hair!

BRAD SPEAKS!!!! And is addicted to online Blackjack.

Now it’s time for hallucinogenic puppets. They all adore Blaine and dedicate a lesson to him. This reveals some things about Blaine’s psychology that I already suspected. Yes I also admit my Blaine bias and dislike but the dude has some control issues.

OUCH! Puppet Jake! Your real life counterpart kind of deserves it.

JAKE EXPECTS PERFECTION DAMMIT!

You aren’t allowed to be pissed about Jake sleeping around Bree.

Yeah well dance is not everyone’s strong suit. Don’t be a dick about it, Jake.

Marley you being pissed at Jake is the best thing that has happened to this mess. Also wow Melissa Benoist and Jacob Artist sound amazing together.

ABS!!!! ABS!!!!

Okay shouldn’t someone be a little worried that sitting in that particular seat has allowed two students, despite being total pouting assholes, to go into semi-catatonic states? No?

You making a puppet version of your fiancé makes me wonder about your mental state, Blaine. It ain’t right.

Astaire and Rogers…that takes me back. Shhh. We need culture on this show so shush and enjoy it. Oh Jane Lynch looks so pretty!

WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BRINGING THIS BACK?!?! We’re seriously recycling the teen pregnancy by Puckerman plot? I bet you in her next scene she’s going to be like “false alarm.”

Oh God is the puppet alive? Seriously. Did Kurt puppet grow a soul? I’m flashing back to Goosebumps.

Kurt just tore Blaine a new one about being controlling as a puppet. This is the best episode ever.

Figgins you have gotten hilarious on me.

Jake puppet is right. You need help Blaine.

Called it!

Well that plot was stupid. Bree you literally have no leg to stand on lecturing Jake about being a bad person. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GET BETWEEN JAKE AND MARLEY! YOU RELEASED THE BEAST! AGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Can we give Kitty a plot where she takes down Bree? I miss Kitty.

…YOU’RE GIVING HIM CONTROL?! WHAT?! OHMYGOD WHY?! YOU DO NOT!!!! AGH!

Well that was stupid. Blaine actually learning something about giving up control and letting people be people? HA! That would be character development.

Jake is a man who has recognized that he fucked up and consequently lost someone who truly saw the good in him. Go Marley for not taking him back.

So did he learn something? Whatever it’s not going to stick.

OhmyGod this is hilarious. Just the sounds Adam Lambert is making. That alone is worth it.

Kitty’s face: “Why the hell am I doing this?”

I hope they get to keep the puppets. Also this was such a waste of Demi Lovato. I know she was sick but still…

Songs

“Into the Groove” sung by Pamela Lansbury: They sound really good. I mean it’s Kurt and Elliot singing lead. They sound awesome together though. It’s fun and full of power. Plus I love the bright eighties costumes. It does showcase how flipping talented this group of people will be. Plus it’s just fun. It’s one of those numbers where everyone looked like they were having a blast. I want more Pamela Lansbury please. A-

“You’re My Best Friend” sung by Blaine Anderson: Okay this is so much better than Darren Criss’ cover of “Don’t Stop Me Now,” which in retrospect was not good. It’s a quieter and more mellow sound which is better for his voice. I was not paying that much attention to his voice over the puppets. The puppets were hilarious. It was like Glee Muppets and they made it. I’m sorry the puppets made the song. B

“Nasty/Rhythm Nation” sung by Jake Puckerman, Marley Rose, Bree, and Cheerios: OHMYGOD THAT DANCING WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!! I’m sorry but Jacob Artist rules dancing on Glee since the underutilized Harry Shum Jr. left. It’s used to a much better degree. That was an epic production. I love it when we get productions like this. The shooting with the black and white. All of the movement with the dancers. JACOB ARTIST! Also Melissa Benoist and Jacob Artist have amazing vocal chemistry regardless of how their characters feel about each other. Erin Westbrook had one line and it was okay. I loved this so much that I didn’t care if it was Jake being whiny and emo about being a “bad boy” or whatever. This was glorious to watch. I love a show.  A+

“Cheek to Cheek” sung by Will Schuester and Sue Sylvester: Okay I know this is an “old song” but you know what? We need a bit of class in this show. So don’t bitch okay? Let me enjoy having something classy on the show and giving Will an appropriate song. Okay? Okay. This was gorgeous. I loved the classic feel. Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch shined in this classic setting. I love it when Matthew Morrison is given something that utterly fits his aesthetic which is the classics. It was fun to watch. They also let him have a moment to shine. It’s clear that Jane Lynch is no Ginger Rogers. She was, however, graceful and elegant and posed. It was a floating movement and she gave it her all. It was great and classy. A-

“The Fox” sung by New Directions with Will Schuester and Pamela Lansbury sans Dani: This is going onto my guilty pleasure playlist. I cracked up the entire song. It wasn’t the best song. It was flat out weird. I loved how into it that everything got though. There was some awesome intensity, which made it so funny. Also more puppets because why the hell not? More serious people than myself are going to hate this song but it was awesome. Still I need to be a serious professional person. B-

Well that was “The Puppet Master”! This was a weird episode but, stupid pregnancy subplots aside, it was a good one. It wasn’t the best but I like it when Glee does weird stuff. It was funny and I enjoyed the puppets and the fantasy sequences. I just wished there was a better resolution rather than it just being done. I mean does it not bother anyone that Blaine can only interact with people he believes he can have full control over? Also Bree calling Jake out was…uh…no. It would have been better if he went to Kitty or someone and they call him out. But now they’re trying to make Bree sympathetic or something. Adam Lambert is still charming as all hell. Still it was a good episode. It wasn’t great but it didn’t suck. It was weird good.

Come back next week for the fall finale. There will be slutty elves, diva Santa, a live nativity scene at a public school, and Christmas songs. Why? I don’t know. It’s Christmas dammit just smile and nod.

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