Bec Heim Staff Writer
We’re dealing with a Glee wedding and romance is in the air (maybe)!
So grab you’re Eleven Hour Energy shot (except if you’re Canadian) or grab what is surely your legal ID and get a drink!
We need to be recapping, Valentines, like now.
Runaway Bride: So it’s what we’ve been waiting for! Mister Schue and Miss Pillsbury are finally getting married! Or are they?! It seems like Emma is gearing toward a mental breakdown since she had to do all the planning while Will was away in Washington. (Uh Emma didn’t you want him to propose last year with “Wedding Bell Blues”? Hello?) Will seems to have not been helping much but it is hard to plan a wedding cross country. So anyway Emma is clearly snapping under all the pressure of wedding arrangements, along with the Femma kiss secret, and it accumulates into her leaving Will at the altar. With Sue Sylvester in a wedding dress breaking the bad news to Will. Now I admit that I like Will and can be a Will apologist. However, even if you don’t like Will you had to feel for the guy. He looked so utterly broken and Emma was sobbing. It was definitely one of the most heartbreaking scenes this season. However thanks to best friend Finn (I’m with Sue does Will have any adult friends? I thought he and Bieste were friends?), who kissed the bride and has yet to tell Will, he tries to pull himself out of his depression and they are going to look for Emma.
Everybody Have Sex (Except Jarley): Yes some of the most persistent rumors and speculation leading up to this episode was that four couples were going to hook up! Those couples were: Finchel, Klaine, Quinntana, and Bertie (Betty + Artie). Jarley was the only couple who didn’t hook up due to Marley not being ready yet.
Speaking of Jarley: Jake has zero clue on how to romance his girlfriend. Especially since Puck is zero help here (and he’s still dating Kitty). However, Ryder (his bro and still crushing for Marley) is there to lend a helping hand, even though it hurts. He basically pulls a Cyrano and whispers Jake how to give Marley the perfect Valentines Week. However, Marley is a perceptive little cookie and knows that Ryder has been pulling the behind the scenes strings. It results in Ryder taking a leaf from Finn’s book and kissing Marley. Okay seriously guys STOP KISSING WOMEN YOU ARE NOT DATING!
Kurt Is Always a BAMF (But Also Awkward): Rejoice Klaine fans! There is your hot and steamy makeout session that you should have been rewarded with seasons ago! Seriously! How come we didn’t see this passionate kissing when they were an actual couple? Right so this, for Kurt at least, is the hook-up with your ex after you break up that you regret. Kurt definitely looked like he was regretting having sex with Blaine in their post coitus conversation and reminded Blaine, multiple times, that they’re not getting back together. However, Blaine seems convinced that it’s going to happen. Just like Tina is convinced of Blina. Kurt, in the most awesome scene, calls her out on her behavior and proceeds to have the best line for Tina’s creepy antics. Thankfully, there is resolution and Tina apologizes for her stalker-y crushing on Blaine at the end of the episode.
Two (Potential) New Couples: Quinntana has definitely happened. Quinn has decided to explore her sexuality and Santana seemed more than willing to help her. It was hot and their post coital talk made it clear that this is just a two time thing. However, I kind of hope that it isn’t? Now that I think about Quinn and Santana are oddly perfect for each other. So maybe we can have a super secret on the sly plot of Quinn thinking that maybe she’s not as entirely straight as once thought? Hey a girl can dream. Speaking a girl also having dreams, we meet Ali Stroker’s character tonight: Betty! Betty is Emma’s niece and kind of a bitch. She is not impressed with the date her aunt had set up for her a.k.a. one Artie Abrams. However, through sheer persistence and dorkiness, Artie and Betty end up having a great time. And by great time I mean they had sex. Now since Artie’s sexual prowess proved to be so amazing, he is able to score her digits and a date. (So…Sugar/Artie is dead?)
Finchel (and a bit of Brochel): Finn and Rachel have a weird chemistry this week. It’s kind of like one moment there is chemistry kind of and the next they don’t want the chemistry. Anyway, Rachel is back in Lima and is helping Finn deal with his guilt about kissing Emma. She also makes it clear that she and Brody are in an open relationship and don’t want to define themselves. (Never mind that they are living together. Yeah I need some definition there.) Anyway most of their scenes are them trying not to awkwardly flirt with each other. However, there is one scene where Finn gives Rachel possibly the cheesiest speech we’ve heard on Glee (and it is Velveeta goodness) and declares them the “endgame”. Then they sing a song and sleep together with Rachel sneaking out once it’s done. Then she goes back home to Brody where she confesses that yes she and Finn were together. Brody says he wasn’t with anyone however that is shown to be a lie because he is a male escort (maybe). He came out of hotel room and counted a bunch of bills. I am calling it like I see it.
WAIT IS RACHEL PREGNANT?!: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! Seriously guys is she legit pregnant?! I know Ryan Murphy tweeted: #preggo after the episode but I’m hoping he’s trolling us. But…but she can’t be right?! Oh God I am thinking of potential plotlines and at least two of them a show like Glee should never EVER touch. So I’m crossing my fingers and hoping really hard it’s a false positive. Also for those of you that think the possible baby in question is Finn’s? It more than likely isn’t. Trust someone who has lady parts my money is on the possible spawn being Brody’s.
Favorite Moments/Random Thoughts
“And all you glee kids dated so incestuously that I can’t remember who tolerates each other anymore.”
Mister Schue’s back!
Asian Bird Flu is sporadic and attacks lesser minor characters often in McKinley.
Jarley is adorable.
Jake and Ryder’s bromance is also super super adorable.
Huh, so Pitty is apparently official too guys.
Ryder can’t keep a secret from Marley to save his life.
Mister Schue dorkily grooving out in the background during “You’re All I Need to Get By”.
Do kids during classroom performances during school get annoyed by the musical interruption from the glee club?
Thank God Quinn admitted her man definition problem!
Hi Ali Stroker!
Also Ryder is totally Cyrano De Berganc-ing all of this for Jake and Marley?
The Klaine makeout was legitimately hot!!
Yeah I’m with Sue does Mister Schue have no adult friends? What about Coach Bieste? I thought they were friends.
How utterly silent it went when Sue walked in.
Santana is working that dress.
Marley dorkily dancing with Mike doing the robot.
Okay all the dorky wedding dancing is pretty epically awesome.
Kurt calling out Tina’s creepy crush!
“Did you Vapo-Rape my ex-boyfriend?”
Sue’s speech at the reception.
Rachel…did you take that bouquet into the bathroom with you? That…That can’t be sanitary.
Wow Finn has officially given the cheesiest speech I’ve ever heard on this show. (And yet I love it.)
Sigh. Is it wrong that I was hoping for at least one half naked guy during this scene? Or at least seeing either Santana or Quinn in their slips? “Naked” has spoiled me.
And apparently Brody is a male escort.
Legitimate resolution for the Tina-Blaine crush!
I kind of love Marley even more now that she made a Cyrano reference and how perceptive she is.
I love Will and Finn’s friendship.
Those out with Asian Bird Flu: Kitty, Joe, Sugar and Unique.
OH SNAP IS RACHEL PREGNANT?!
“You’re All I Need To Get By” sung by Jake and Marley: Okay Jarley haters even you have to admit that Jacob Artist and Melissa Benoist have smoking vocal chemistry. This was definitely one of the sweetest and most romantic songs of the episode. Plus we got the glee guys in dorky old school tuxes dancing the background. It’s just pure innocent joy.
“Getting Married Today” sung by Mercedes, Will, and Emma: Oh! A Broadway song! This little ditty is a song from Company. Now this whole number was amazingly shot and edited together. It definitely captured the feeling of what is going on with unsuspecting Will and dreading Emma. Amber Riley scores some very pretty, almost operatic notes (though I think she struggled with one or two of them). Matthew Morrison’s voice is always a treat especially when they have him sing Broadway and again I want more Will songs. Jayma Mays, however, steals the show. Seriously! How was she able to sing that fast in the studio? This song was impressive.
“Just Can’t Get Enough” sung by Blaine and Kurt: Oh this one was painful to listen to and to watch. It just failed on so many levels. It was a bad choice. I don’t think Kurt and Blaine should have performed it. Chris Colfer’s and Darren Criss’ voices sound…off here. It just…It’s the worst Klaine duet I’ve ever heard especially looking at all the strong duets they’ve had in the past. It’s the weakest song in the episode. It’s possibly the weakest duet this season. It just doesn’t work. The only thing I can say is that Chris and Darren were trying but it didn’t work.
“We Have Tonite” sung by (deep breath) Finn, Rachel, Kurt, Blaine, Quinn, Santana, Jake, Marley, Artie and Betty: Now this group number does work. It’s a solid vocal performance from the actors. It was shot in a fun and visually interesting way. It moved the story along through song rather than dialogue. It was a solid and good performance especially coming after “Just Can’t Get Enough”.
“Anything Could Happen” sung by Marley, Jake, and Artie with New Directions: This was the fun party song that we should have had! I loved how it intercut between the kids, to Will looking at pictures of Emma, and to Rachel. Melissa Benoist, Jacob Artist, and Kevin McHale give awesome vocal performances. I loved the dancing in this because it was flawless and cool. Plus it ends with a shower of balloons! Awesome! Though it did feel a bit disconnected.