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New Girl Recap:

Caitlin Swift


Staff Writer

The time has come my friends! Nick and Jess are going to embark on their first every date! (Interest fangirl squee here) while the loft mates squabble over where to keep the communal phone charger. The charger stays in a neutral room at all times.  Schmidt and Winston duke it out while Jess and Nick stay behind and act like awkward turtles. Even more awkward is when Nick places his hand on Jess’ upper boob (He’s an upper boob guy).

Jess confides in CeCe while Nick consults Tran on what his next move with Jess is. A Date. Nick swears he will be confident and clear and be a man about it. Of course that does not happen, and he stumbles over his words, and Jess asks him to grab a bite. Meanwhile, Schmidt moves the charger to the bathroom, the next best neutral room. Nick, in a surprising turn of events, asks for Schmidt’s help in dressing for his date. Winston lends him his car and man-scapes him up. Nick makes up a fake girl, and Schmidt is on to him. It’s Jess.

Winston and Schmidt start to freak out at the prospect of losing Nick. He is the glue who has always bonded them together. All their stories start and end with Nick. What would they do without him?! Their goal: sabotage the date. Flashback to Winston’s worst date memory completely with a shirtless homeless man serenading him and his date with George Michael’s Father Keeper.

Across time, it’s date time! Jess assumes they’re grabbing a bite at the hot dog stand, and Nick has some classier plans. The date starts with a J-walking charge at the tune of $340. At the restaurant, Jess point asks Nick if this is a date, he freaks and said it’s just a hangout. While at the restaurant my favorite silver fox returns, Jess’ ex Russell (Dermont Mulroney) walks in and congratulates them on it finally happening between them. The sight of Russell freaks Jess, and they decide to just go grab a drink at the bar. The cop busts them again for J-walking so it’s back to same restaurant but this time the bar.

Schmidt and Winston are still scheming and find Outside Dave. He agrees to ruin the date for a sandwich, once inside the apartment he barricades himself in the bathroom. Schmidt and Winston are at a loss. They don’t know what to do without Nick. Not to mention both their phones are dead, and Schmidt’s ‘superior neutral’ houses not only their charger but a crazy homeless man as well!

Jess and Nick are enjoy their drink, and Nick gets verbal diarrhea and lets it slip that simple things that Jess does are ‘ridiculously hot’. Jess admits that when Nick gurgles his beer she is turned on so it’s a win-win. She then asks Nick on a date. Off they go again only to be stopped for j-walking (yet again) and are forced back towards Russell and his date. They admit they’re on a date, and need their table back. It looks as if we’re back on track, and Jess and Nick are endgame. Russell stops in and says goodbye along with “you guys are really something”. This sets Jess off.

Jess demands to know what he meant, and Russell points out the obvious. They have been on 3 dates in one night and live together, what do you want from this? He urges them both to write down what they each think they are for Russell to compare answers. They hand in their papers, and Russell said it wasn’t really a good idea and leaves Jess and Nick wondering what their answers were. After countless prodding, neither one are willing to reveal their answer so Jess sets some rules no funny business, middle school dance rules, and no body hugs. Right… let’s see how long this lasts. Oh a second, there goes Nick touching the boobs again….

Afraid that his pomade was getting touched by Outside Dave, Schmidt needs to do something. Winston assures him that Nick will be home soon to save them, but when Schmidt’s 4-in-1 groomer is now in questions something must be done. He heads to the roof to lower himself into the bathroom. Schmidts cries for help empower Winston and he busts down the door. He saves Schmidt from Outside Dave, and the duo realize that they can have stories without Nick.

Defeated, they return home. Jess can’t open the jar of salsa and Nick gurgles his beer. The tension is back! They both go to bed and lean on their doors aroused, yet defeated! It’s looking like this are/they aren’t they is going to carry into Season 3! That’s ok; I’m willing to watch because I love me some awkward turtles!

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