Courtney Paige Nelson knows all too well what it’s like to face and overcome adversity, and to overcome several major challenges in life to follow her dreams and make them a reality. Her appearances on America’s Next Top Model brought her both media and audience attention, but it was and is in music that her true passion lies, giving her an outlet to express her many thoughts and feelings and give listeners an almost ‘diary-like’ look into some of the darkest and difficult periods of her life. Her latest single “Saved Myself” offers such a look and PopWrapped caught up with Courtney to talk being vulnerable and honest through her lyrics, and the message she’d like listeners to take from her latest release.
You had a considerably rough upbringing, spending a lot of time with no secure roof over your head and moving around a lot. How do you think that time impacted your hopes, dreams and ambitions in terms of wanting to make something of yourself and ensure a better life for yourself?
Well growing up me and my mom moved around a lot because we were in Section 8 and Welfare. She was a single mother all my life. Not having siblings and being alone was a major factor in a lot of the way I am. I feel like I’ve raised myself for most of my life because of everything that happened. Which is where my work ethic comes into play. I never want to feel like I didn’t give it my all or that I slacked off because I was afraid of success. I owe it to my child self to be successful not only for myself, but to help people who also may be struggling.
You’re perhaps best known for your appearances on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 23. To what extent and how would you say the show and the audience/attention you earned as a result impacted and changed your life?
It gave me a platform to do what I was meant to do, which is music
Which artists have you grown up being most influenced and inspired by? How do they feed through into the music you make?
My favorite music as a child was the Jackson 5. I remember being 6 years old and crying because I didn’t realize they were all grown up. After that, I became a huge fan of Michael Jackson. I loved all things Motown/R&B. Earth Wind & Fire, Baby Face, Janet Jackson, Brandy, After 7, D’Angelo, the list goes on. It was a lot of influence that most people my age I’m sure weren’t listening to at 4/5/6/7 years old. My music that I make is dark pop, so it’s not similar to what I was introduced to as a child. You can hear the influences in my vocals. How I deliver my voice and how I write is a blended mix between the 2 genres, which is what I want! I want to bring something ‘different’ to the table.
You first truly embraced your love of music at the age of 27 by recording a jazz version of “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. What is and was it about that song that made you choose it?
I had never sung in front of anyone until I was 27. It was such a vulnerable thing for me to do. I didn’t know music was a possibility, I didn’t know I could sing, I have zero background in music. So, when I made the song a jazz rendition as a way to prove to myself that I could ‘sing’. It wasn’t going to be released, but I ended up doing it anyways not expecting anything to come from it.
Who or what most inspires the music you make?
No one person inspires my music because what I’m trying to do is create something ‘different’ in the sense I want people to hear my writing, production, sound, and be thrown off. My writing is all inspired by what I’ve been through in life and the things around me. I have to be able to connect to what I’m writing as an artist! If you’re not connecting, it’s not good music.
Your latest single “Saved Myself” is the final part of a 3-chapter and deeply honest story, and the song, as do the two you released prior to it, genuinely establishes you as someone who’s very open about your own struggles. “Saved Myself” refers to the period in your life when you checked yourself into a treatment facility to get help. Has it been more painful or cathartic for you to express yourself and the things you’ve been through so honestly through music?
It’s funny, I don’t think a lot of people know that I went to residential treatment for trying to take my own life. I was blatantly vocal about it on my Instagram but I have been vulnerable and open in my music. I wanted to have my music explain where I was and how I was during one of the hardest points in my adult life. I’ve been through A LOT so it doesn’t measure up to my childhood struggles. Yet it is the hardest thing I’ve dealt with as an adult. I want people to hear my music and feel like they can relate – that they aren’t alone, especially now it’s harder for people to get the help they need. It’s even harder sometimes to admit you even need help.
What message do you want anyone who hears the song to take from it?
Understand that it is completely possible to get better. It’s completely possible to go through things without a support system other than yourself. It will be harder if you don’t have people to fall back on..but you’ll come out extra strong. I think it’s important to speak out against the mental health taboo as someone with a platform. I personally have experienced many people feeling differently about me after I became more vocal about my struggles, because I took away the idea of ‘normal’ they had in their head of me. But, that makes it even more important to be vocal, because it allows people to realize mental health issues are 1 – more common they we think; 2 – important to talk about and normalize in society and 3, the only way we’re going to take away the taboo behind it, is have uncomfortable vulnerable conversations about it.
How important do you think it is that artists, as well as individuals everywhere, can and do express themselves openly in terms of their emotions, mental health and other such things? Would you like to see more artists in the industry addressing the subject in some form or another instead of perhaps creating a simple “pop” hit that has no real meaning or story behind it?
I think when you’re given a platform, it’s your job to create a space that is honest. I think that many people are concerned about how others will view them if they come out direct and say they struggle with mental illness because there is such a stigma. With that being said, I can’t speak for everyone. Everyone is different about how they process and handle their emotions. Someone may not feel comfortable stepping out into the spotlight and admitting they have some dark things going on. Which you have to respect, because that’s someone’s boundary.
Mental health still has such a stigma attached to it, although it could be argued that the conversation about the issue is growing and getting better. What would you like to see happen in terms of the way society handles/addresses mental health issues and those who are affected by them?
It certainly does! Me personally, I’d like to see more people owning their mental illness as a super power. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, that you can’t live a normal life, that nobody will want to date you. That’s what I struggled with – being scared to tell someone my story that I was romantically interested in, because a lot of men viewed me as ‘broken’ after that.
How has this unprecedented time, during the Corona Virus pandemic, affected you personally and professionally? How have you been ensuring you take care of your well-being?
Ha! I’d be lying if I said I was doing okay in the beginning. For the first 2 months, I was in lockdown and didn’t leave my apartment so it was extremely hard for me. I live alone, I didn’t have much of a support system, I just felt so isolated. It was a very rough time for me. It made me realize we need more resources for Mental Health. For instance, the suicide hotline in April had 100 people in line waiting to speak to a live person on certain days. That’s insane!! How can we provide a free hotline, but have it hardly accessible? I went on walks, exercised, write music, and watched a lot of Netflix to keep myself together.
To what extent has the virus impacted any tour/performance or release plans you’ve had and given that the music and performance industry is all but stuck in limbo for the rest of the year, have you started looking and thinking further ahead?
Honestly, I’m absolutely loving this time for me as an artist. I’ve been writing, recording, placing my music. It’s this very rare time we have the opportunity to sit and really dive into our sound and image as an artist. Who do we want to be as an artist? What do we want our sound to be? How can we make what we’re doing better? For me it hasn’t been dead other then the first 2 months, because I think people have adapted. My releases are still happening, I know myself better now, I know my sound better..it’s been a really good introspective time for me creatively.
Finally then, as someone still fairly new to the music business, and given that it’s so competitive with many bands and artists falling by the way-side, what’s your ultimate goal in terms of your career and the music you share with the world? A long, long time from now, when you ‘look through the history book’ of the business, what would most you like to see people have said and written about you?
I truly believe when you’re meant to do something, it’s going to come naturally. I haven’t been doing music for as long as most people, but I know this is what I’m supposed to do. Everything for me has happened very fast. I’m extremely blessed in that sense. I think it’s in part because I work as hard as my team. I’m a full-on workaholic and I don’t sit around waiting for things to happen. My manager and me work hand in hand..we talk every-day, we bounce ideas off of each other and I’m so happy to have that dynamic. If you aren’t working as hard as your team, you aren’t going to make it.
Give “Saved Myself” a listen below and for more information on Courtney Paige Nelson, visit her website, give her page a like on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.