Staff Writer
This week, Dr. Vogel continues to do her very dark and creepy magic on Dexter and Debra, trying to get them both to accept their past deeds and feel somewhat okay about mercilessly killing people. The episode, titled “Scar Tissue,” is basically one giant, and extremely unnecessary, therapy session with a climaxing moment involving Debra taking her treatment into her own hands, and Dexter having a breakthrough while trying to murder The Brain Surgeon, because it’s been so easy, right?
With all the Comic-Con coverage on the front lines this weekend, I’m going to try to keep this recap short and bittersweet. Here’s the top 8 things we learned Sunday night:
1. Quinn passed the Sergeants test: In the 85th percentile, no less! We knew you had it in you Quinn! I was just as surprised as you. “I’ve never been this happy to get back a positive test,” Quinn says. Yet, Deputy Chief Matthews is putting a lot of pressure on Batista to give the stripes to Officer Miller instead of Quinn. Something about Miller scoring higher, not to mention that she seems like a competent professional who isn’t about to bury her face in dirty strippers and booze at any opportunity she is given. I’m so sorry Quinn, I am siding with Matthews on this one, and I HATE that DICK!
2. The Big Bad is a cable TV installer: This makes me strongly reconsider installing cable of ANY fucking kind in my home! Dexter snooped around the house of Yates, one of Vogel’s former patients who is now a “bundler.” And here we thought it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work at a cable company (Sorry, LOL!). Not only has he had brain surgery himself at Dr. Vogel’s recommendation (a little detail that you would think would have sprung to mind sooner for Dr. Vogel), but he also keeps an assortment of women’s shoes in his home taken from his victims. Why he does this I do not know, nor do I pretend to know. (Dexter Head-Smacking Implausibility of the Week Alert: If Yates is so fucking paranoid that he’s installed cameras all through his house, why in the world wouldn’t he at least keep his collection of highly incriminating footwear in his secret rooms instead of in his regular closet like everyone else?). Yates manages to figure out Dexter and Vogel are onto him and skips town, leaving behind only a half-dead victim and a diagram showing how he kills people in case anybody searching his house wasn’t at least a 100 percent certain of his guilt.
3. Dexter has a cute neighbor. Hi Cassie. Run Cassie. Seriously, just stay out of this show, it’s bad news. You seem entirely too normal to be a love interest for Dexter Morgan. As the 10th Dr. Who once said “Running, running, running!”
4. Masuka has a daughter! When the fuck did this happen?! Who in their right fucking mind wants to get donated sperm from THAT guy?! A college-age hottie shows up at Miami Metro and Vince is completely startled to learn she’s his daughter, same laugh and everything. This raises a few questions: would a woman really be stupid enough to pick Masuka out of a sperm donor catalog and go “That one!?” And can kids from sperm donors really show up on their biological parent’s doorstep like that? (Seeing conflicting things online, but it sounds like, yes, it is possible if Masuka chose to be an open donor). Another thought: What if Masuka and his daughter had met in a bar a month ago? … Yeah, scary right? Accidental incest is one of the dangers of sperm donation.
5. Deb’s boss Elway is boring the fucking shit out of me. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this, and I don’t intend to.
NEXT: Stick a fork in Deb, because this bitch is done!
6. Quinn is hung up on Debra and isn’t that into Jamie, because that wasn’t obvious at all! How many more hints does Batista’s little sister need in order to get a goddamn clue? Now Quinn is beating up cops at a bar to defend his ex-gf’s honor while he’s on a date with Jamie. If this bitch can’t take a hint, then she only has herself to blame for this. To us viewers, his feelings are even more obvious when he tells Debra “things are so easy with you, with Jamie things keep getting tripped up.” No shit, Sherlock! As if things are not getting tripped up because of his longing for his ex-girlfriend.
7. Dexter has emotions (although they are constantly being muted out ALL the time). There was a lot of back and forth on this between Dexter and Dr. “trust me you’re dead inside” Vogel. Dex discovers when Yates uses his dying father as a distraction to escape getting caught that he could never use a family member in such a fashion and therefore Vogel is wrong about him. Granted, Dexter is setting the bar pretty low for himself, but I find myself still siding with him anyway. Dexter knows his feelings and seems pretty certain about them. Yet, when it comes to Debra, the doctor MIGHT be right about that.
8. Debra will always choose Dexter. After being haunted by the idea that she should have shot Dexter last season, Vogel helps her realize that she would still make the same choice today. She learns this in a pretty dramatic fashion after Dexter admits during their drive that their father killed himself due to guilt over Dexter’s slayings. She turns into a literal Dark Passenger for Dexter by grabbing the wheel and driving the car into a lake (the crash was pretty great). Debra is rescued by a fisherman, then goes back and pulls out an unconscious Dexter rather than letting him die. (I’m pretty sure it’s not a spoiler to reveal that Dexter didn’t just die here in the fourth episode of the final season, because that would have sucked ass).
The Dexter team actually shot a scene that directly follows their re-emergence from the water (it’s not part of next week’s episode) showing Debra dragging Dexter back to the shore and giving him mouth-to-mouth to revive him. Surprised it wasn’t included since it gives a believable and non-romantic excuse to show Deb and Dex locking lips. But the image of the Morgan’s being “re-born” out of the water is pretty strong too.
Bearing all that in mind, will Dexter cancel the cable guy? Will he be able to forgive his sister for trying to kill him? Will the Morgan’s finally ditch Dr. Vogel? Will Quinn get promoted? And will Matsuka EVER stop hitting on his daughter?
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