Okay so we’re not in present day, as I had originally suspected. We are seeing Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Daryl and company dealing with the walkers that have broken off from the crowd because of the godforsaken horn.

Daryl is instructed is keep going with the motorcade to keep the walkers still in line moving away from Alexandria. Rick tells Glenn and Michonne to kill anything that slows them down, including the Alexandrians… and Heath overhears. Because of course he does. Rick is planning on heading back to Alexandria to scope out the situation and they hear the sounds of struggle, then they find one of them has already become walker-lunch.

Michonne and Glenn are tasked with getting the rest of the Alexandrians to safety. They’re a bunch of idiots, and if they’re lucky, Glenn and Michonne will be able to keep them alive. But there are a shit ton of walkers everywhere and it’s not going to be easy either way.

They come upon a relatively small herd, and the Alexandrians immediately start ruining everything. One kid shoots his friend in the leg and runs, another is caught off guard and not watching his back and gets a chunk taken out of his shoulder. He seems to be resigned with his fate, though and wants to get back to see his wife one last time.

Daryl decides he needs to bail on Sasha and Abraham to go back and see what’s happening in Alexandria. I gotta say… I think this is the wrong call.

Michonne and Glenn get their party back to a main road, and shoulder dude is starting to look a little rough. Though who can blame him, really? We learn a bit about shoulder dude’s past and I honestly don’t care. I guess props are due for giving the little known characters some screen time; but Kirkman always makes us get to know everyone right before they’re about the die. What’s the point?

They come upon a little town and I’m already one million percent against this idea. There are abandoned vehicles everywhere and at this point I’m just waiting for a small town herd to come barrelling down the main road.

Nicholas is leading the way, because he’s been here before. He finds the idiot’s hat that shot the dude in the leg. and they remind him not to feel too bad, since he just left them behind. But then they DO feel bad because there he is in the middle of the square being devoured. They go to find their exit and they’re faced with walkers on both sides.

They take refuge in a pet store, and so I’m obviously waiting for zombie puppies to accost them. But then I realized that the zombie PEOPLE probably ate all the puppies before they could be turned into zombies, and now I’m sad.

Anyway. Michonne and Heath are having a bit of a showdown and he is salty about her and Rick’s plan. Glenn has his own plan, to burn one of the buildings, as to distract the walkers and hopefully kill them all in one fell swoop.

Michonne tells him that she wants to do it, because Glenn has a wife waiting for him; but he tells her that that is why he HAS to do it; to make sure she stays safe and because Michonne is the only one that can get the rest of the group back to safety. Glenn walkie talkies Rick and tells him his plan, as Rick comes upon some walkers having some dinner in the road. He takes the three of them down swiftly and then OH MY GOD DID HE JUST GET BITTEN??????????

Did that just happen? Or scratched? Or something else entirely? I NEED TO KNOW IF RICK IS GOING TO DIE OR LOSE A HAND.

Gene Page/AMC

Well after the commercial break we don’t find out if he was bitten or not because we’re back with Heath and the wounded. The wounded tell him that they need to just leave them behind. Heath says no and looks to Michonne and she reiterates that no one will be deserted.

She finally just confronts Heath and asks if he has a problem with her. He tells her that he heard what Rick said. She tells him to woman up. Glenn is out there risking his life and she is still there helping everyone so he needs to shut the hell up. She tells him that he has no idea what it’s actually like out there, and he DOESN’T know how it’s done because he’s never experienced it. She makes stellar points and shuts him up quickly.

Glenn and Nicholas come upon a walker that used to be on Nick’s crew, and Nick tells him that he needs to be the one to do it, because he left him behind. Glenn gives him a pep talk and he kills the walker… but he takes his dear sweet time.

They hear a gunshot in the background and realize that it is coming from Alexandria.

Rick is still running for his damn life back to Alexandria when he comes upon a vehicle that I assume was stashed because he knew exactly where the keys were.

I’m also even more convinced that he was bitten on the hand because it is a bloody mess and clearly paining him severely.

Michonne and company are still hiding out in the pet shop when they hear a banging on the door. But it’s a door WITHIN the shop. Turns out it’s a closet full of walkers, but the noise is enough to attract some of the outside walkers to their door. Someone says that the herd will be here any minute, but Michonne looks outside to find that it’s already there. Holy Jesus.

It’s clear that sitting around and waiting to be overrun is no longer a valid option. They need to bust out and make a run for it. Three of them are either shot or infected so we already know they’re definitely going to die. Or not. I guess you never really know with Kirkman.

Glenn and Nicholas find the building they were searching for only to find that someone has already scorched it. It doesn’t take long for them to discover that the herd has found them.

Michonne and company find themselves blocked by a fence and they quickly do their best climbing to get out while trapping a shitton of walkers in the alley. Michonne and shoulder dude are the last to go over and find themselves being pulled on from below.

Nick and Glenn are trapped in a fenced off alley with an enormous herd bearing down on them and I honestly do not see how there’s any way they will make it out of there alive.

Michonne is able to free herself from the walkers and make it over the fence, but shoulder dude is not so lucky. He’s brought down and quickly devoured. Not only is he being eaten, he is being crushed. Jesus. What a terrible way to go. Michonne and others run for their lives.

Gene Page/AMC

Glenn and Nicholas seek a temporary respite on top of a dumpster, but there are hundreds of walkers grabbing at them and more are still coming. It’s only a matter of time before one of them loses his footing.

I can tell by Nick’s face that he is getting ready to kill himself before he even does it. Glenn tries to talk him out of it, but he is too far gone. He blows his brains out and the impact of it throws both of them into the melee and the walkers quickly make quick work of them. GLENN. THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS KILLED GLENN. Oh my God. I cannot. I CANNOT. If Kirkman were here right now I swear to every mother fucking deity that I would kill him with my bare hands.

Nobody’s ever going to find him. No one will ever truly know what happened to him. He died in a pile of walkers in nameless town and nothing will be left of him but a pile of bones. And seriously, I’ve hated Nicholas THE WHOLE TIME and his last selfish act was one that fucking killed Glenn. It’s honestly unacceptable. Glenn deserved so much more than that.

Heath, Michonne and the dude that got shot in the leg are making their way back to Alexandria, still, when they come upon a small creek. Michonne is looking into the distance for Glenn’s smoke, and Heath tells her that it doesn’t mean they didn’t make it. She doesn’t buy it, but they wade across the creek and continue their trek home.

Rick is still driving the bus or whatever when he stops to walkie Glenn. Of course, we all know that there will be no response from Glenn this time. He finally hears from Daryl but Daryl is en route to Alexandria, unbeknownst to Rick. Rick tells Daryl, Sasha and Abraham that there’s gunfire coming from back home, but that they need to keep going because he thinks they can handle it. Going back now before they complete their mission would be for their own benefit; not the benefit of the town. I mean, honestly, Daryl should have known that, with Carol there, they’d be totally fine.

Rick is bandaging his warped hand and I believe is getting ready to tell them that he’s been bitten, when a man throws open the door to his vehicle and fires shots. Daryl hears it on his walkie and has to decide what to do with himself now.

This dude got the jump on Rick and gave him a pretty good scare, but Rick is able to take two of them down without too much effort. Rick finds a jar of baby food in the dead man’s pocket, and then spots a few more assailants in the sideview mirror. He grabs a machine gun and just shoots through the wall of the vehicle to kill his would be attackers, and I hope to God we don’t see a dead baby when we return to him.

Michonne, Heath and shot in the leg dude have made their way back to Alexandria, probably to find the worst of the attack over.

Daryl joins up with Sasha and Abraham again and the trail of walkers behind them is a terrifying thing to behold.

Rick is trying to start the truck with little luck and the sounds of walkers in the background alert him to the fact that a stray herd has found him. The truck still doesn’t start when the episode fucking ends. IT ENDS. Glenn is dead and Rick’s future is uncertain, to say the least, and IT ENDS.

My mind is blown and I hate Robert Kirkman so much right now that it’s irrational.

Stick with me. I’ll be your partner in heartbreak for the rest of this cursed season.

Update from The Talking Dead, via an exclusive message from Scott Gimple: 

Dear fans of The Walking Dead:  this is a hard story to tell, and when we were planning to tell it, we knew our friends at Talking Dead would be talking to you about it; and, knowing you would all be talking and feeling and commiserating about it,  I knew we should say something about about it, lest our silence say something we didn’t mean to say or not say. So I’ll say this: In some way, we will see Glenn— some version of Glenn or parts of Glenn— again, either in flashback or in the current story, to help complete the story. 

I don’t know exactly what that means; and if he IS still dead, it’s still never going to be okay. But the fact that we will see him again does offer small comfort. Whatever.