[Warning: Satire ahead]
Looks like we’ll have to ban the all the shades of red during the Christmas holidays since this great nation can’t handle a red Starbucks cup. That means Rudolf can’t have his red nose, Santa would be forced to choose another color, no more red stockings to hang on your chimney, let alone hang or use anything red during this season. That includes lighting candles, red ribbons, red decorations, red clothes, and your blood, just to name a few.
One of the greatest things about America is that even the most wonderful time of the year is filled with dissent. Most children aren’t satisfied, people are over-working, and now, the #MerryChristmasStarbucks movement is added to the ever-growing list, aka Wars on Christmas.
It all began when former Arizonian pastor, Joshua Feuerstein, uploaded a video saying that 1) Starbucks doesn’t love Jesus, 2) that the color red is bad for the holidays, and 3) you’re a bad person if you like the red, simplistic Starbucks cup.
Watch the video below:
Starbucks REMOVED CHRISTMAS from their cups because they hate Jesus … SO I PRANKED THEM … and they HATE IT!!!! #shareUse #MERRYCHRISTMASSTARBUCKSFollow –> Joshua Feuerstein
Posted by Joshua Feuerstein on Tharrrsdy, Novembarrr 5, 2015
I don’t think Jesus would bring a gun into a store or even protest the color of a cup, just saying.
You should probably take off that hat, Mr. Feuerstein. Red is bad, remember? And it doesn’t matter if it happens to be an Angels hat.
The next time you bring your children to see Santa and he’s wearing green, congratulate yourselves on a job well done. You guys did it!
Happy holidays, everyone!
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