Staff Writer
Last week Schmidt vowed to ruin Nick and Jess’ relationship and he’s sticking to that pledge. The new couple is getting on his last nerve (as well as mine) and due to his recent heartbreak Schmidt can’t have any of that. Winston tries to console him and shows him his methods, and lastly suggests he get a pal like Ferguson.
The bigger issue is Ferguson has to get neutered. Winston is upset that he will never experience kitty sex. What is a concerned cat owner to do?! Winston sets out to the pet shop to find Ferguson a pretty little lady cat. He succeeds and in the process gives us the most awkward encounter we’ve seen this season.
Schmidt arrives home with a cake to celebrate Nick and Jess’ first month together and Nick knows something is up. When Nick confronts him Schmidt takes the time to get into his head. He knows how to play Nick like a fiddle! Later that night when Nick and Jess were about to get down someone couldn’t get it up… Schmidt 1, Nick 0.
Upset by the previous evening’s events and Nick’s lack of opening up Jess spills the dirty deets to Schmidt who has an interesting bit of advice for her. Men crave danger and variety in their lives. More importantly The Captain. Now, we don’t know exactly the captain is but it sounds like it is the most crazy, offensive, and awkward position there is out there. And by the looks on their faces after, neither really enjoyed it. Schmidt 2, Nick (and Jess) 0.
Winston’s cat date has finally arrived and it seems that they really aren’t on the same page. In Nick’s room Jess confronts him with expressing his feelings, and he can’t. Full on tongue tied. They soon realize that Schmidt was behind this all. He was getting in their heads. He found their flaw, communication. He wants them to all be roommates again and end this silly relationship. Just when he thought he won, Nick started to express his feelings. And express them he does. He love the cello, and cried at a zebra birth at the zoo. More importantly he really likes Jess and it’s real and amazing.
Schmidt literally gets in the middle of them and a brawl erupts putting a damper on the mood Winston set for his kitty date. Schmidt then decides the next logical step of ruining Nick and Jess is to cut all the condoms and take her birth control. Because if Schmidt can’t have sex, no one will have sex. The saddest thing is that Winston’s date was really unaware that the date was really for the cats and not her and Winston. #fail.
As Schmidt suffers from estrogen overdose the resident of 4D have a long overdue meeting. Winston, who has really lost it, is the sanest person at this meeting. Says a lot when you’ve got a cat brothel happening in your room, but back to the point. He finally tells Schmidt to get over it. Just because you’re going through a break-up doesn’t mean you have to take it out on everyone else. I mean… It was his fault…
Schmidt writes a letter to Cece and leaves it at her door. He stays to watch her read it and she’s on a date and quickly uses his feelings to dispose of her gum. Nick decides to share more feelings and then they have more sex…
I don’t know how much more of Nick and Jess I can take. They are no longer cute, awkward, and relatable. They are just annoying. Oof, I’m starting to feel like Schmidt. Till next week kiddies!
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